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“Yeah, Sarah hates the 'Chinks,' so what? I still think she's funny. If she didn't, she can't work in Hollywood. Her sister Laura is hot, though. I'd bang her...she's married? Oh. Well, can't bang her now. Not as hard as Jimmy Kimmel banged Sarah, though. That should have been quarantined.”
Sarah Kate Silverman (born December 1, 1970) is a famous American comedian, on-again-off-again gal of professional drinker Jimmy Kimmel, and Janeane Garofalo flower-power follower. Not only that, but she's Jewish, and to top that off, she's not even funny for a Jewish comedian. Even the alt-right could concede on the genius of Larry David and Don Rickles, but not Sarah, who spends most of her routine smugly condescending to Trump supporters and white people.
edit Early life
Sarah was born in Palestine, into a typical Jewish family. Several times a week you could see their used toilet paper hanging on the clothesline in the families back-yard. In her teen years, she huddled down in a desert hut to refine her comedic skills. Her family later immigrated to Manchester, New Hampshire, United States in 1987, where she began performing standup at clubs.
edit Early fame
Sarah rose to fame in 1998 when she was accused of being a racist comedian by calling all Asians a "chink." Sarah however denied the claims and told the Asians accusing her of racism that if they didn't like the comedy, they didn't have to listen, and if Asians did not like the way she looked, she "would take off her shoelaces and hand it to them as a blindfold."
A few months later, she was in deep shit again while hosting the MTV Music Awards and made a joke about Paris Hilton going to jail for a week. Sarah said she felt bad after telling the jokes, because she did not know Paris was in the audience. Had Sarah have known that, she would have probably said, "Wow, you must be so proud to be the first woman to get another woman pregnant... you should brush your teeth before you lick out a chick, huh!? Yeah... especially after all the cock you have been digesting over the last few years... those tadpoles get stuck between your teeth, sister!....Yeah.... You fuckin' cunt-slut."
She also then made media headlines when she was awarded at the next Music Awards for allegedly kicking Britney Spears in the snatch so hard that her foot made a "pop" sound when she removed it from Britney's box.
edit The Sarah Silverman Program
From 2007 to 2010, Sarah had her own television show called, The Sarah Silverman Program where she played herself, and had two gay neighbors and her hotter then Sarah sister, Laura Silverman who ironically played her sister on the show. It stars Sarah, her dog, these two gay guys, her hotter-than-Sarah-sister Laura with much better looking boobs, and they hang out at a coffee shop, but it's done in a much better way than the talentless Seinfeld. Sarah lives in an apartment, her better looking sister with the bigger bosoms pays her rent, and Sarah is a lazy bum and doesn't care.
An unnamed producer of the show, who only wanted to be known by her initials "S.S.", states "Sarah was going to start making the show a lot better by having make a booty call to a struggling comic who calls himself Yahweh. After Sarah smacked Yahweh with a tire iron and carjacking his new Range Rover, he went batshit crazy and then had a drunken one-night stand with Sarah's sister Laura." Before these plans could be put in motion, The Sarah Silverman Program was canceled after season 1; that's all, folks! Now all we have left on Comedy Central are liberal talkshows and South Park reruns.
Sarah is known to the public-at-large as that chick who did the "I'm Fucking Matt Damon" song. Everyone remembers that, and it's a follow-up from her now ex-boyfriend Jiminey Kimmel-Glickenstein with "I'm Fucking Ben Affleck" which was shortly followed by the non-successful "I'm Fucking That Fat Guy from Knocked Up" by the Fat Guy from Knocked Up.
edit Personal life
Sarah lost her virginity at age 32... well, she had schlicked since she was 19, but "THE REAL WAY" was when she was 32. Her boyfriend at the time, Jimmeny Kimmel-GlickFace taught her how to do it the right way. When he pushed his figure in for the first time, it hit a nerve with Sarah, probably from a running start. She was horrified, thinking it was both painful and gross, but Jimminy explained that that's what anal is like the first time you do it, kinda like how your snatch looks like it vomited a whole bottle of ketchup the first time you do it in the front-hole.
For most of her life, Sarah was a bedwetter up until her 19th birthday. Most nights she found herself swimming in a pool of urine when she would wake up. However, it stopped when she moved out of home and went to college in New York City. She later found out that it wasn't her wetting the bed. When her brother Drake Silverman came to stay with her for a few days in New York, she awoke to find him pissing in her bed from across the room. Apparently, he had a condition called P.O.S.W.S.S which means Pisses On Sarah While She Sleeps. 
After that discovery, she thanked her brother for pissing on her for most of her life; if it wasn't for her brother pissing all over her material for 19 years, she wouldn't be able to deal with critics' reviews of her stand-up act. This inspired Sarah to create The Laura Silverman Program.
- ↑ That's an insider way of saying Sarah's daddy's a Hollywood writer. But...you didn't hear it from me! Just pretend that he runs a general store in New Hampshire. Besides, it's not like there's a long China White line of nip-o-tism going on here. And he did write everything on toilet paper. That means he was a comedy writer. Knowing that MIGHT get you into Laura Silverman's panties
- ↑ Anonymous (S.S.): "Not for public consumption. Too blasphemous funny, not The Laura Silverman Program funny enough." See Courtnology.
- ↑ But The Sarah Silverman Program plans to use a similar storyline in a future episode when some network picks the show up again.
- ↑ Carrot Top apparently suffers from the same thing