Sandwitch
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
"In Soviet Russia, Sandwitch eat you!"
A sandwitch, fuck to popular belief, is not actually a spelling error meant to say "sandwich", but is actually a Warlock, Witch, Dragon or any other mystical rare creature that are found in certain fables and, of course, extremely hostile. These creatures have the ability to disguise themselves in the form of a sandwich. The fact is that so many people, when hearing another warning them of their impending doom at the hands of a Sandwitch, believe that they are referring to the food, so that as soon as they reach out to get a bite, the Sandwitch would strike!
Sandwiches are usually cut with a sandwich golf club. Jerry Seinfeld, a commoner, once said he likes sandwiches. He also loves soup. He also likes ****ing **** ****** his ***ing **** stick with ****ing @#$%@!!#$#$ mayonase **@#$##**#$%#ing.
It is estimated that 95% of the average U.S. population is unaware of this threat, as many people have said: "It's the idiots that run that country." But, ironically, Canada and any other country on Terra seems to be immune to this threat.
The Sandwitches also account for OVER 9000% of unexplained murders that have taken place on Terra and 1% of explained ones.
Contents |
[edit] Retaliation
Awareness of the threat of Sandwitches is small, but it is growing, so people ranting about their existence and how they killed so many of the people around them were not taken seriously, and were added to the "Insane" percentage of the population, increasing it by 5%.
But, some people have taken the matter in their own hands, burning at the stake anybody who's been in relation with a Sandwitch, even destroying countless innocent sandwiches, who hadn't even had done anything themselves, blissfully unaware. These people are presumed insane too.
[edit] What to do if you encounter a Sandwich
- Well, if you like them, eat it.
- If you don't, maybe you should give it to one of your friends.
- Wonder why we're talking about this.
- If all else fails, Call Herman Li
[edit] What to do if you encounter a Sandwitch
- Run around in a quick dangerous panic!
- Use some cheap RPG attack that will vaporize them immediately. Most effective one was the famed "Summon Griffin", until may 3rd 1998, when the griffon declared itsself a sandwitch.
- Cover yourself in Honey. Sandwitches really dislike it. They'll still eat you, but it will be unpleasant for them.
- Call the authorities. (Most likely they'll think that your call is a false alarm and that you're insane, to be scared of what seems to be a sandwich.)
- Contact your friends. Make sure they aren't sandwitches either. If they aren't "insane" too, they'll probably think that you are too. They can *ahem* "help" too...
- Use Anti-commas. These bad boys can blow up anything (including yourself).
- Grues. Although the Grue will probably eat you, the Sandwitch won't.
- Steve Ballmer. He's sworn to play with all Sandwitches, but first make sure he hasn't vowed to play with you too.
- Chuck Norris. He'll be proper Sandwitch bait while you haul the coal out of there.
- Call The A-Team.
