Samuel L. Jackson
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| NOT SAFE FOR PLANES!! |
| The snake you are looking at may not be plane safe! If Samuel L. Jackson saw this, claim that he did not look like a bitch. Otherwise, continue to read it until your snake urges are sated. |
“ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! I'VE HAD IT WITH THESE MONKEY FIGHTING SNAKES ON THIS MONDAY TO FRIDAY PLANE!!!”
~ Samuel Jackson on primate hatin' gangsta snakes on chartered planes that do not have weekend flights
SAMUEL L. MOTHAFUCKIN' JACKSON (BORN JANUARY THIRTY-FIRST, NINETEEN-FITY-EIGHT), ALSO KNOWN TO HIS ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS AS BAD MUTHAFUCKA, IS A SHARK EATING, SNAKE HATING, LITTLE-KNOWN CULT CANADIAN MOTHERFUCKER AND PRESIDENT OF MOTHERFUCKING ANTARCTICA!!!
WHY DO YOU THINK IT'S THE ONLY CONTINENT WITHOUT ANY MOTHERFUCKING SNAKES??? I'M SORRY, DID I BREAK YOUR CONCENTRATION??? WELL ALLOW ME TO RETORT!!! IT'S BECAUSE HE'S THE PRESIDENT OF MOTHERFUCKING ANTARCTICA. BITCH!!!
HIS TALENT AND SKILL AS A MOTHERFUCKING ACTOR CAN BE SEEN IN HOW EFFECTIVELY HE PLAYS A WIDE VARIETY OF MOTHERFUCKERS!!! HE PLAYS EVERY MOTHERFUCKER IN EVERY MOTHERFUCKING FILM EVER MADE!!! FROM "BOB" THE LONELY PLUMBER WITH A HEART OF GOLD IN "LOG JAMMING" TO THE NEUROTIC MOTHERFUCKER "TK-FOUR-TWENTY-ONE" IN "STAR WARS MOTHERFUCKER"!!!
JACKSON RECENTLY ENDORSED HIS OWN BRAND OF BEER, "SAMUEL JACKSON". "FUCK SAM ADAMS, I'LL KILL THAT BITCH!"
(Reader's Comment: Why do you have to talk that way?)
CAUSE THIS IS HOWS I TALK! HAVEN'T YOU SEEN MY MOVIES? JUICE?! THAT WAS A GOOD ONE. DEEP BLUE SEA? THEY ATE ME!! A MOTHERFUCKIN' SHARK ATE ME !! AND I'M STILL MOTHERFUCKIN HERE!! YES, THEY DESERVE TO DIE!! AND I HOPE THEY BURN IN HELL!!
(Another Reader's Comment: But, I've seen your movies and you arent like that...)
MOTHERFUCKER! FUCK YOU! YOU DONT KNOW ME!!
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Birth
Sam Jackson (Full name: Samuel L. Mothafuckin' Jackson), was born in Gotham City hospital on January 31, 1942.
On that morning, his mother, Janet Jackson, pissed herself to make her husband, the late Jesse Jackson, think that her water was broken. Being an idiot, Jackson didn't realize his wife was only three months along, and that he had never had sex with her.
The story goes that, after driving through traffic with the Batmobile as an escort along with Wonder Woman planting alien eggs in the eye sockets of anyone who disturbed them, the couple reached the hospital and, once a bed had been found for Janet, throwing off a homeless man with cancer, she revealed she wasn't actually giving birth. Oh, how they laughed.
That is, until Sam Jackson, annoyed he had been woken up in his womb for nothing, punched his way out of the womb using his kung-fucker, killing his mother and his father.
Later in life, Samuel L. Jackson came upon the revelation that the man he killed at birth was not his real father. His real father was Mr.T, a motherfucker that was not quite as bad who is always too mother fucking busy sucking on motherfucking Judge Judy's penis whilst masturbating over a mother fucking mars bar, when he's a fucking snicker fan (the stupid whore of am mother fucker!), but Mr.T was backed up by Chuck Norris. To date, this is the only man Samuel L. Mothafuckin' Jackson has not been able to kill in direct confrontation. He has not yet faced Chuck Norris. And he is currently being chased down by Naked Frogs and Bananas in Pyjamas eating artificial gammon.... mother fucker.
Childhood
Born an orphan (Does that make sense? I don't know), Jackson was sent to work in the acid mines of Gotham City, until he was three, when he was adopted by learned elderly Jedi master and condiment producer Yoda.
Moving into Yoda's penthouse apartment in San Francisco, young Sam learnt the ways of the Force, how to make damn fine mustard, and also began reading the Bible, in particular, Ezekiel 25:17, as one day, while making ketchup Yoda had a premonition: that Sam was destined not only to be a Jedi and a kung fu master, but also....an actor. And that particular passage would prove very useful one day...
Snakes Experiment
In late 2006, Samuel L. Jackson was put on an airplane filled with snakes by the government as part of an experiment to see how he would react to the situation. An assortment of hidden cameras were placed on the plane, and the entire experiment was filmed and turned into a multi-million dollar documentary, originally called Samuel L. Jackson on a Plane. The producers later realized that the title was ridiculous and later settled on Snakes on a Plane.
See also
| BAD MOTHERFUCKERS | |
|
Bruce Lee | Bruce Willis | Charles Bronson | Chow Yun-Fat |
 | The Jacksons |
|
Andrew Jackson | Bo Jackson | Daniel Jackson | Jack | Jackson Pollock | Jacksonville | Janet Jackson | Jerry Jackson | Jesse Jackson | La Toya Jackson | Michael Jackson | Peter Jackson | Randy Jackson | Samuel L. Jackson | Stonewall Jackson | Who The Fuck Is Jackson Pollock? |
