Samoa
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“Ah, Samoa. I spent spring break in a Samoan nudist colony during my junior year of medical school. That's how I got this scar on my ankle. You know, the one that kind of looks like the word 'glaucoma' in binary. Good times.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Samoa
“SAMOA!!!!!!!”
~ Umaga on Samoa
“Come back here kids, im gonna use the boonga banger (sandal) on you”
~ A typical Samoan mother on Samoa
Samoa is not to be confused with the sugary territory of American Samoa. (See http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/American_Samoa )
Samoans are pretty much very large people. Don't blame them because they love to eat taro! Mcdonald's mainly for each main meal. Never take your kids to a fob school in New Zealand if your a palagi! Honest sole! You will get your lunch taken. Beware
The new republic of Samoa is South Auckland Administered Territories(SthAAT) by Tuatuolouuoliiiol Fatftuoliouloua...fafifaoliulifa!
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[edit] Geography
Samoa is very mountainous. That is, it is home to many butterflies. The Vailima River flows through Samoa's capital city, Apia. The Vailima River and the Danube converge to form the Monongahela. When the Monogahela floods, it provides nourishment for Samoa and its surrounding countries (exempli gratia, Sweden, Russia and Cuba). Seriously, dude. The Vailima River -- what'd we do without it?
[edit] Currency
Samoa uses the Tala (SAT). There are 100cents in a dollar. Samoa is very stupid in that all it's notes are paper, except for the $2 note, which is often used to smoke doobies in. Samoa's ministers are often the only people who have this currency, with everyone else trading in matchsticks and Vailima beer. The currency is often used as necklaces for visitors to the country. Currency is not scarce at all, meaning everything costs a hell of a lot. Samoa is located in the South Pacific and is known as the heart of the pacific.
[edit] Key Facts
Residents of Samoa are known as "Shaysites," named after the rebellious farmer Daniel Shays who led a revolution against the Bostonian governor Atahualpa. Samoa is 0% Wiccan, 0% Buddhist, 0% Protestant, and 100% ginormous, or in lamenes terms exremely huge. Samoa's main exports are wool, linen, (but not wool and linen together, as this would conflict with the Jewish law of Sha'atnez), straw, dictionaries, waterguns, and edible porcelain. Also, Samoans are virtually invincible, and the only one who can take them on is Chuck Norris. Never piss off a Samoan. Samoan's think they are the best drivers in the world. They all individually think they built and paid for the road's themselves and therefore do as they please on them. It is not uncommon to see a car overtaking another car on a blind corner or a car overtaking a car which is already overtaking a car. It is also not uncommon to see a group of angry villagers chasing a vehicle down the road because it has just killed their pua'a (pig) which they would have probably have eaten at the next big family toona'i (family party, gathering).
[edit] Samoa Today
Today Samoa is turning into a pacific island version of Japan, complete with Japanese construction companies and Japanese built vehicles. The Japanese government have built schools, imported shittily built Japanese Toyotas and Buicks and bought off the Head of State with cash payments. Samoans today continue the tradition of owning Tongans. In September 2009, Samoans started driving on the left side of the road. As most buses still have doors on the right side, they are still allowed to drive on the right side of the road. Rebellious farmers also refuse to drive on the left. Since the changeover there has been a noted increase in head on collisions involving buses and rebellious farmers.
[edit] Travel Advisories
- You may choose which side of the road you would like to drive, but beware of bus drivers, rebellious farmers and village pigs.
- If you see a hot Samoan girl in Samoa and want to maintain your erection don't look at her toes.
- If you see a skinny Samoan, be extremely careful as it may be a rebellious farmer or a Tongan.
