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"Independent" State of Samoa
|Motto: 'Fa'avae i le Atua Samoa|
(English: Samoa is founded on the BigMac)
|Anthem: Ooga-booga, ooga-booga SAMOA!!!!!!!|
|Official language(s)||Samoan, English|
|O le Ao o le Malo
(Head of State)
|‑ Prime Minister||Tuilaepa Aiono Sailele Malielegaoi|
|from New Zealand|
1 January 1962
|Population||400, 000 (All distant relatives)|
|Ethnic groups||99.999% Obesity, 0.001% Vegetarians|
Samoa is a country located in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. Samoa was accidentally discovered at around 3000 B.C by the legendary warrior and navigator, Your Fat Mother. Your Fat Mother colonised the Island and drove every living animal on the Island to extinction (much like she did with the Dodos on Mauritius).
The name Samoa originated when Your Fat Mother challenged the King of Tonga and Emperor of Fiji to a Eating Contest and won after eating everything there was to offer. Sources claim that she consumed a whopping total of 120,000 pieces of Chicken, 95,000 slices of Pizza, 3,000 live Pigs and an odd, single bottle of 200ml Diet Coke. Despite being told that there was no more food as she has eaten everything, she constantly screamed "I want some more! Some more! Some more!". The Islands became known as Some-More, but over time, lazy pronunciations has led to the change of spelling from Some-More to Samoa.
Today, Samoans honour Your Fat Mother every single day by consuming as much food as they can, leaving nothing to spare. It is common for family members to physically compete to the death for the last piece of KFC Chicken.
Samoa is very mountainous. That is, it is home to many butterflies. The Vailima River flows through Samoa's capital city, Apia. The Vailima River and the Danube converge to form the Monongahela. When the Monogahela floods, it provides nourishment for Samoa and its surrounding countries (exempli gratia, Sweden, Russia and Cuba).
Samoa uses the Tala (SAT). There are 100cents in a dollar. Samoa is very stupid in that all it's notes are paper, except for the $2 note, which is often used to smoke doobies in. Samoa's ministers are often the only people who have this currency, with everyone else trading in matchsticks and Vailima beer. The currency is often used as necklaces for visitors to the country. Currency is not scarce at all, meaning everything costs a hell of a lot.
edit Key Facts
Residents of Samoa are known as "Shaysites," named after the rebellious farmer Daniel Shays who led a revolution against the Bostonian governor Atahualpa.
Samoa's main exports are wool, linen, (but not wool and linen together, as this would conflict with the Jewish law of Sha'atnez), straw, dictionaries, waterguns, and edible porcelain. Also, Samoans are virtually invincible, and the only one who can take them on is Chuck Norris. Never piss off a Samoan. Samoan's think they are the best drivers in the world. They all individually think they built and paid for the road's themselves and therefore do as they please on them. It is not uncommon to see a car overtaking another car on a blind corner or a car overtaking a car which is already overtaking a car. It is also not uncommon to see a group of angry villagers chasing a vehicle down the road because it has just killed their pua'a (pig) which they would have probably have eaten at the next big family toona'i (family party, gathering).
edit Samoa Today
Today Samoa is turning into a pacific island version of Japan, complete with Japanese construction companies and Japanese built vehicles. The Japanese government have built schools, imported shittily built Japanese Toyotas and Buicks and bought off the Head of State with cash payments.
Samoans today continue the tradition of owning Tongans. Every year during the Monsoon Season, the Samoans compete with the Tongans in the annual diving competition. Every year, half of the population of South Asia gets wiped out caused by multiple tsunamis from a Samoan/Tongan that has just dived. In September 2009, Samoans started driving on the left side of the road. As most buses still have doors on the right side, they are still allowed to drive on the right side of the road. Rebellious farmers also refuse to drive on the left. Since the changeover there has been a noted increase in head on collisions involving buses and rebellious farmers.
These days Samoa is reletively empty, as thousands flock to New Zealand every day in search of the Samoan Holy Grail...... the unemployment benefit (aka dole). Once they have reached their goal, Samoans find themselves a small, two bedroom house to live in and proceed to raise all 47 of their children in this building, only leaving to sell marijuana, buy KFC or move to Australia.
edit Travel Advisories
- You may choose which side of the road you would like to drive, but beware of bus drivers, rebellious farmers and village pigs.
- If you see a hot Samoan girl in Samoa and want to maintain your erection don't look at her toes.
- If you see a skinny Samoan, be extremely careful as it may be a rebellious farmer or a Tongan.
edit See also
- God hates people who drive on the left side of the road
- American Samoa
- Japanese Samoa
- Chinese Samoa
- Australian Samoa
- French Samoa
- Greek Samoa
- Danish Samoa