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“You're pathetic, monkey boy! Pathetic horse-tooth jackass! I'll sniff out your monkey balls! ”
“Sal? What a pathetic fag.”
“You know, when I threw my phone at Sal's head, I could have sworn I saw his toupee fly off like a bird! Now that was pathetic.”
“I love him more than Bianca, my late bulldog.”
El Salvador Gonzalez-Governale, aka Sal the Stockbroker, often shortened to just "Sal Governale" is a pathetic waste of humanity that is the inevitable result of being a direct descendant of Tony Soprano and Fredo Corleone. He is also a writer/performer/administrative assistant on The Howard Stern Show, and specializes in phony phone calls with Richard Christy so that Sal doesn't bite the heads off of every "monkey" and "gorilla" he sees, and after satiating his appetite, burying the remains in his basement. Gonzalez-Governale also insists on an exclusive man-love relationship with Howard Stern, who keeps Sal in a metal cage in case Gonzalez-Governale wants to eat Robin Quivers.
Gonzalez-Governale previously worked as a Professor of Race Relations at Joe's Junyor Collij, an online college originated in his Long Island basement. While in the middle of lecturing online, Gonzalez-Governale would frequently call Stern's show to vent his disgust of Stern's producer, Gary Dell'Abate aka Bob Abui MacHeine, for being a pathetic gorilla who didn't deserve being there. Since Howard Stern hired him (although Gonzalez-Governale remains married to a high-end escort/sex therapist for "conservative respectability") Sal can be frequently seen giving MacHeine foot and t'aint massages, or he will affectionately rub himself on MacHeine's "doorknob" as a "goof."
Gonzalez-Governale's other talents include copying prank phone calls first shown on The Simpsons and from past Howard Stern Show episodes, harassing and stalking celebrities off-air without being arrested, and an infamous "stage diving" act, which he frequently performs as part of The Hacks of Comedy.
edit Early life and pre-Stern Show
As a child, Salvador spent countless hours torturing animals, starting fires, wetting his bed, and being physically, psychologically and sexually abused, which gave him brain damage, mental illness, and feelings of inadequacy, worthlessness, retarded emotional development, and penchant for holding Richard 'I'll sniff Sal out in a heartbeat' Christy's underwear against his mouth. His family was poor, even though they owned a restaurant. While based in Nebraska, they created a Mexican pizza recipe, using jalapenos as pizza dough, until they were run out of town after setting their customers' taste buds on fire.
As a teenager, Gonzalez-Governale made a Muzak CD under the name "G-Mancini". He has claimed that a record company scammed him out of thousands of dollars, but this could easily be due to his recurring condition that he's as batshit as Chuck Berry. At any rate, he retaliated by bikini-waxing the label owner, and then taking the owner out to a diner for "more eggs and sausage."
Gonzalez-Governale was also a founding member of the ballroom-dancing group "Men in Gowns", and was later president of the Village People fan club "Young Men Craving Anal" (YMCA).
edit "Inappropriate acts" approved (repeatedly) by The Howard Stern Show
Since he joined The Howard Stern Show, Gonzalez-Governale is known as a giver:
- On May 9, 2005, Gonzalez-Governale "gave himself" to Howard Stern on-air
- On June 14, 2005, Gonzalez-Governale "gave his all" to Richard Christy on-air
- On January 16, 2006, Gonzalez-Governale "gave himself" to wack-packer Bigfoot on-air
- On April 24, 2006, Gonzalez-Governale "gave himself, almost" to Bubba the Love Sponge and an electric chair on-air
- On February 12, 2007 Gonzalez-Governale "gave his all" to a stoat on-air, for comedic effect
- On May 24, 2007, Gonzalez-Governale "let it all hang out" with High-Pitch Erik and Eric the Midget on-air while being suspended by helium-filled balloons
- On August 1, 2007, Gonzalez-Governale admitted that Joey Boots was "an emotional friend", and that the two frequently text-message "143" to each other
- On September 21, 2007, Gonzalez-Governale admitted that he watches Dancing with the Stars (US)
edit Other controversies
By Governale's own account, some of his previous jobs included street musician, acting as a stockbroker for Martha Stewart, and a brief career as producer Baba Booey's sole tormentor. On The Howard Stern Show, Stern requires all these above services of Gonzalez-Governale, supervised by Executive Producer Booey, Stern's sidekick Robin Quivers, and assisted by his male companion Richard Christy.
edit The Smoking Gun
A report by The Smoking Gun found that Sal once sold his kidneys on eBay in frustration after it was revealed on-air that Sal's IQ score was 102.
edit Hacks of Comedy incident
On January 23rd, 2007, during a Hacks of Comedy appearance at the Lakeland Center in Lakeland, Florida, Gonzalez-Governale was showing the crowd his penis, after removing a condom painted with Bob Abui MacHeine's face, when he veered too close to Richard Christy and had anal sex with him onstage. This resulted in the birth of Diego Velázquez de Hernández de Juan de Vincenzo (see right), Gonzalez-Governale's thirty-fourth child out of wedlock (his first with Richard Christy) on September 22, 2007.
edit Married Life
Gonzalez-Governale's wife (ironically also named Christy) is a high-end escort who acquires jobs via text-messaging. The couple's hobbies include firing paintball guns at each other at close range, and attacking each other with baseball bats. They last had sex years ago, unless you include recent "sessions" with a family therapist.
Gonzalez-Governale has claimed on-air many times that he and his wife Christy may be close to divorce due to Christy's inability to effectively order pizza from a train station.
On Thursday, September 27, 2007 on The Howard Stern Show, Stern sentenced Gonzalez-Governale to be given traction (tied to the rack) as punishment (a "goof") after Sal claimed that Richard Christy is a young, edible boy ready to be kidnapped, cooked, and penetrated by him. After Stern realized that Sal was giving off a "tell" about a latent, raging hard-on for radio sidekick Artie Lange, he tied down Gonzalez-Governale to a rack in Stern's dungeon at Sirius XM.
Sal will be released in 2018, which will break a Guinness World Record and most of his cartilage, ligaments, bones, organs, spirit, and life.