Sailor Moon

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Sailor Moon
Sailor moon title
All of them are hot, it's hard to choose one.
Genre Action-adventure
Softcore pornography
Format Anime
Created by Naoko Takeuchi
Voices of Miscast French-Canadian actresses
Opening theme "The One Named Sailor Moon", performed by Puffy AmiYumi
Country of origin Japan
Language(s) English
No. of seasons 5 4
No. of episodes 200 166 159
Andy Heyward
Al Khan
Location(s) Tokyo, Japan
Running time 22 minutes
Toei Animation
DiC Entertainment (1998–99)
Cloverfield Inc. (2000–02)
Optimus Productions
Original channel Cartoon Network (Toonami)
Original run June 1, 1998 – July 5, 2002
Preceded by Cutie Honey
Followed by Magic Madoka
Related shows Japanese TV series centered around battles where powerful creatures are summoned using some small object that usually has a real-life equivalent of these battles in the form of a game, except in real life, you don't actually get to summon any creatures

Sailor Moon is a '90s anime that aired on Cartoon Network's otherwise-testosterone-addled block Toonami. The story revolves around ditzy schoolgirl Usagi Tsukino, who wins love by daylight, and fights evil by moonlight under the magical girl identity of Sailor Moon, along with her fellow Sailor Senshi (though they're pretty much useless). They battle Flaming Queen Beryl, a superfiend who attempts to unite the three realms—Human, Beast, and Demon—and destroy the world.

There are five seasons of Sailor Moon, each of which features a new group of nutjob villains who suck at their jobs, but only four of which aired in 'Murica. As the show progresses, it gets more plot-driven and complex, but still manages to deliver the odd pantyshot on a steady basis. At the end of the series, Usagi marries the love of her life, Tuxedo Mask, and passes on her job to three shemales called the Sailor Starlights.

Through Sailor Moon, creator Naoko Takeuchi brought many important Japanese cultural themes and motivations to American audiences, including schoolgirls, overlong transformation sequences, consumption of toast, and enormous fire-spouting monsters destroying Tokyo. Thus, it is no surprise that the series was a worldwide hit, especially with young girls, young boys who were just hitting puberty, and ephebophiles.

edit Premise

edit Plot

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Sailor Moon.

Sailor Moon centers on Usagi Tsukino, a whiny teenage schoolgirl living in Tokyo. One day, Usagi meets Luna, a talking black cat who tells her that she is really Sailor Moon, and has been recruited by the Japanese government into the Sailor Senshi magical girl program. Usagi goes to meet the other Senshi, and learns that they must protect the Earth from evil.[1] Each Sailor Senshi is named after a planetary body; for example: Sailor Moon (the Moon), Sailor Mercury (Mercury), and Sailor GX-42356 (the newly discovered moon orbiting Earth).

Then it delves into a story that is WAY more complicated than AP algebra. There are five main story arcs: Sailor Moon, Sailor Moon R, Sailor Moon S, Sailor Moon SuperS, and Sailor Stars. There is a "Lost Arc" where the Senshi get trapped in a fighting game and are sexually abused by slime and a black floating circle. Another story follows the Senshi as they go to an island resort, which is actually a rejected idea for another manga from 30 years ago. Then there was another pointless story where some random Egyptian man demanded the Silver Crystal. And there was a long, convulsed four-musical series which blended Jewish mythology, vampires, and historic serial killers.

The characters' pasts are mysterious and hidden even to them, and much of the series is devoted to them discovering their true identities and pasts. More boring than InuYasha. Luna, who teaches and guides the Sailor Senshi, doesn't know everyanything about their histories either, and the Senshi eventually learn that Usagi is the real Moon Princess. The Moon Princess' mother had her reborn as a Sailor Senshi to protect her. Gradually Usagi discovers the truth about her own past life (boring...), her destined true love (*yawn*), and the possibilities for the future of the Solar System.

Basically, each episode follows this formula:

  1. Usagi pretty much just talks to her friends in a weird, unpunny way. Either that or she bitches about bullshit that can only be controlled by God.
  2. The monster of the episode shows up and destroys the town while Usagi, completely able to peek from behind the wall, pays no attention and 1) zones out or 2) actually figures out what's going on but overlooks it while thinking about going on a date with Mamoru.
  3. The Senshi all get themselves in trouble.
  4. Luna reminds Usagi and the others to transform into their Sailor alter egos.
  5. All of the transformation scenes take minutes to occur, but because of total logic, the monsters don't try to attack or anything.
  6. Mamoru shows up as Tuxedo Mask and saves the girls or flirts with them. He then reminds them to use their special attack.
  7. Sailor Moon yells out, "Moon Tiara Action"! or some random shit, as do the other Senshi and they take about, oh, ANOTHER FUCKING MINUTE to use their attack.
  8. The enemies are still waiting...we already forgot who they were.
  9. The attack finally hits. IT NEVER MISSES AND ALWAYS KILLS IN ONE HIT.
  10. Usagi makes a corny, forced '90s pun.
  11. The End.

edit Characters

  • Usagi Tsukino / Sailor Moon – The loud, whiny, dumb blonde leader of the group. She's madly in love with Tuxedo Mask, who she is destined to be impregnated by to spawn Chibi Usa. In early episodes, she used her gold-plated metal tiara as a Frisbee to gruesomely decapitate enemies. Since this was too violent for a kids show, she was later given various types of magic wands.
  • Mamoru Chiba / Tuxedo Mask – A bishounen in a tuxedo, Tux is always there to save Usagi and friends, but never sticks around to fulfill their lustful desires. Oddly, he's attracted to a middle schooler despite being in college. His deadly rose attack can instantly level ten city blocks and has completely destroyed Tokyo in numerous episodes.
  • Ami Mizuno / Sailor Mercury – The smart one of the group, a dedicated computer hacker. Her attack is the weakest, since it only creates thick fog that results in multiple traffic accidents. However, her strength was demonstrated when she survived a 24-hour chess match while fully frozen, without losing a limb to frostbite.
  • Minako Aino / Sailor Venus – The self-centered, conceited valley girl of the group. Despite being blonde, she engages in traditional activities of Japanese schoolgirls, such as selling her used panties and pleasuring her cat guardian Artemis by prancing around in her underwear.
  • Rei Hino / Sailor Mars – The priestess of the group. Aside from bitch slapping Usagi and dating her boyfriend, she likes to set things on fire. Her school uniform, notably, has the shortest skirt of the group. She practices witchcraft, proving that she is in fact a white person and not an Asian.
  • Makoto Kino / Sailor Jupiter – The drama queen who's always looking for a boyfriend, only to be disappointed that he reminds her of someone she's already had sex with. The only things notable about her is that she shoots lightning, and her uniform is green, balancing out the other Senshi color-wise.
  • Hotaru Tomoe / Sailor Saturn – The goth girl of the group, Sailor Saturn is pretty much useless. She can heal wounds? Cool. She can summon mass destruction? Done that millions of times before. Dies after doing this? Fuck. She actually is the only Senshi to retain her name in the American version. She is considered the strongest Senshi (just because of her power), but not many people outside of Japan know about her or Pluto. That tells you a lot right there.
  • Haruka Tenoh / Sailor Uranus – The one in the group with a funny name. Contrary to popular belief, she is not lesbian in a relationship with Sailor Neptune; rather, they are cousins. Her earthquake attack made her the subject of CIA investigation following the collapse of the Twin Towers.
  • Michiru Kaioh / Sailor Neptune – The art school drop-out of the group. Her attack is "the sea", apparently ignorant of the fact that Sailor Mercury had the idea first. She is a wanted war-criminal due to the numerous tsunamis caused by her attacks.
  • Setsuna Meioh / Sailor Pluto – A Senshi who didn't get much screen time due to producers denouncing her appearance as "too old", compared to the other young, sexy Sailors—and also because Pluto isn't a damn planet anymore. She has fallen into massive depression after being demoted, and was last seen at an all-you-can-eat buffet, claiming that she's "Working on regaining her previous title."
  • Chibi Usa (Sailor Chibi Moon) – The obligatory loli. During one season of the series, she maintained a healthy, romantic relationship with a horse. During another season we discover that, *gasp*, she is actually Sailor Moon and Tuxedo Mask's daughter from the future!
  • Luna – A cat. A talking cat. A talking, female cat who is the ruler of the known universe. Refuses to return Garfield's phone calls. She can also take on the form of a plushie, a grown-up female human, a human girl with cat ears and a giant purple squid. Has the ability to create magical objects from her behind.
  • Sailor Starlights – Relatively minor characters, to say the least. They are shemales, and each share the name Kou. For some reason, Tokyopop named them "Lights" in the magna.
  • Queen Beryl – The Queen of the Negaverse, and main villain of the first season. Notable for her and extremely long hair and long fingernails. Beryl tried to destroy Sailor Moon with her army of lost souls, but failed and went into seclusion.
  • Professor Tomoe – Leader of the Death Busters, and another villain. His daughter is Hotaru, a super emo depressed Bitch of Darkness. He is aroused by his own wicked laughter.
  • Sailor Galaxian – Galaxian used to be a Sailor Senshi, that is, until she got possessed by an evil power or something. She is a ruthless villain, possibly the biggest evil bitch in the entire series, and also the world record holder of killing the most heroes, as well as her subordinates.

edit American version

4kids from wikipedia

Nudity is naughty, so DiC ensures cleanliness in Sailor Moon by having characters bathe in what appears to be blood. Because that's so much better.

When Sailor Moon came over to America to be dubbed, network executives and censors ordered a lot of things to be changed or removed. These included:

  • Five episodes being deleted from the first season and two episodes being morphed into one.
  • Removal of any and all violence, especially violence towards children.[2]
  • Adding a "Sailor Says" PSA at the end of each episode.
  • Making Uranus and Neptune lesbians rather than cousins.
  • Changing names to make them sound "more American"; this was despite DiC being a French company. For example: Sailor Senshi → Sailor Scouts, Usagi Tsukino → Serena, Ami Mizuno → Amy, Rei Hino → Raye, Tuxedo Mask → The Masked Tuxedo
  • For scenes of near-nudity, such as transformation sequences or bathing, breasts were digitally erased.

The problem with the removals? This is the stuff people wanted to see. The Japanese version was a little weird, but the Americanized version went way too far, being '90s cheesy and cliche wherever possible.

edit Merchandise

edit Manga

Sailor Moon began in 1992 as a manga, originally released in 18 volumes. It was later rereleased in 12 volumes in 2011. Why? Because people wanted less bang for their Euros. Takeuchi actually went to the trouble of redrawing the whole manga to make it seem less artistic and more like it was drawn by a five-year-old.

edit Video games

Video games based off Sailor Moon were produced. This was a '90s anime, so guess what we got? Lots and lots of fighting games, most of which were ripoffs of Street Fighter, Mortal Kombat, or Final Fight. But hey, you expected a good game from this kind of anime? Funny...

edit Live-action series

In 1993, Rocky Solotoff, president and founder of Toon Maker Inc. had hoped to capitalize on the success of Saban Entertainment's Power Rangers by creating an American live-action/western-animated version of Sailor Moon. Solotoff wrote, directed, and produced a pilot episode of his version of Sailor Moon for a company called Renaissance-Atlantic, who helped Saban procure Super Sentai from Toei to create the Power Rangers.

To this day, Solotoff's version of Sailor Moon has not been exhibited publicly. Why? Because it was awful, just awful. Unfortunately, some poor soul had the strength to bootleg part of it and posted it on the Internet years later.

edit Reception

Most of Sailor Moon's viewers, ironically, were male. Some claimed that despite being aimed at young girls, the show had an adventurous and boyish feel to it. But really, we all know it's because it gave '90s boys a strange sensation in their pants. This sensation felt so good that they rushed home every day to watch another episode and recreate this feeling.

edit References

  1. Because, you know, girls have to save the earth. Superman, eat your steel heart out.
  2. There was a small blood mark on Sailor Moon's leg in the pilot episode, but it was probably near-fatal in the original Japanese version.
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