Sadism

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Sad girl

This girl is clearly a sadist.

“It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking Sadism”
~ George Orwell on Sadism
“There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies and Sadism”
~ Benjamin Disraeli on Sadism

Sadism is a religion founded in 1984 by a team of disowned Internet memes.

Sadists believe that there is no happiness in the world, and due to this are always sad. They are not depressed however, merely sad the majority of the time, and assertions that emo kids are sadistic are therefore, for the most part, unfounded.

Sadism has been compared to pessimism by top scientists, who assertained that pessimists see the bad points in life over the good, while sadists are sad because they are sadistic. Therefore, sadism is not pessimism.

The Original Sadists

The disowned internet memes which started the religion are five of the greatest to ever walk the internet:

  1. Chuck Norris
  2. CATS
  3. Vin Diesel
  4. Badger Badger Badger
  5. Star Wars Kid
  6. Prabhakar Chamarthi SS

Shrines to each exist all over the internet, search but one of them in Google and you are guaranteed upwards of ninety seven million squillion hits.

People with the name 'Casey' are usually connected with Sadism, as they are followers of Chuck Norris.

The Sadistic Church

The Sadistic Church (originally an offshoot of the Catholic church) is a clandestine organisation, often labelled as a cult by Christ-blinded bigots. Though prospective members are slowly introduced into the religion, slowly gaining more information until they cannot leave for risk of getting murdered, it is not a cult. Moreover, the members of the Sadistic Church claim that the Catholic Church itself is a cult.

The Sadistic Church is currently in a turf war with the Catholic Church and Opus Dei.

Sadism in the Present Day

The Sadistic Church has been slowly coaxing more and more members to its cause. Unfortunately, many people are using the Church as a stepping stone to further sadness. This leads to depression and sometimes suicide.

Suicide is not condoned by the Sadistic Church, as it might create happiness in those that hated the person. If a member of the Church is contemplating suicide their life is evaluated, if the level of potential sadness is equal to or greater than the potential happiness, the suicide is allowed to go ahead.

The War on Sadism

In 1984, the United States of Arabia declared a complete and total war on Sadism. Seeing as Sadism belongs to no specific country, the terrorist commander leading the USA, launched a frantic search for a thyrium idol, shaped like a shoebox with a snarling rapa's head pushing its way out. When detonated by a Supernova device, the thyrium would destroy the world.

Luckily some random civilian scientist disarmed two supernova devices with mere seconds to go, one of them while inside a free-falling tank. The civilian scientist in question did not die when the tank hit the ground because he was wearing a jetpack that he didn't know he had.

The story was published by one Matthew Reilly, with some facts changed to make room for a conspiracy theory involving the American armed forces.

Conclusions

Go and be a sadist, go on, do it! You know you want to. Do it or you shall be chained to a wall and whipped.

The tears of sadists can cure cancer, it is said, but tests have proven that sadist tears are actually salty water.

Sadists do not cry, they are just sad.

They do not give in to happiness, for they are sadists, and sadism is forever.

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