Saab

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'''Saab''' is supposed to be a Swedish company. Saab stands for 'Swedish Aeroplanes Are Brilliant'. In the early years, Saab only produced military aircraft that were made of recycled cans of [[beer]] and old [[bicycle]] titanium. But when the situation changed after [[World war 2]], when the [[military of Sweden]] only existed on paper in Washington, Saab started to make [[cars]] instead. For no obvious reason. And McDonald's. For no obvious reason. And Parking lots. For no obvious reason. And removing tram routes. For no obvious reason. And 7-11 franchises. Because an icy Slurpee is just what Sweden needs to import from Texas. And krupuk stands. Krupuk are deep fried prawn crackers from Indonesia.
   
'''Saab''' is a Swedish company that was founded in [[1849]] by [[Hagar the Horrible]] and a drunken guy from [[Sweden]], and Fred. Saab stands for 'Swedish Aeroplanes Are Brilliant'. In the early years, Saab only produced military aircraft that were made of recycled cans of [[beer]] and old [[tricycle]] tires. But when the situation changed after [[World war 2]], when the [[military of Sweden]] only existed on paper, Saab started to make [[cars]] instead. For no obvious reason.
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[[Image:Eatingdirt.jpg|right|thumb|200px|A Saab]]
   
[[Image:Eatingdirt.jpg|right|thumb|200px|A Saab eating dirt after Saabing over the loss of its hot American import breaking up.]]
 
   
The first car they made was called the "Ursaab" named after the designer "Stix Stetson" replied to a reporter who had asked "what is it?".."it's urrrSAAB!" But since it was impossible to buy letters in [[Sweden]] between [[1889]] and [[2002]], they called it "92" instead, which stands for that the designer, rumored to be a [[Moomin]], drank 92 gallons of [[alcohol]] before he designed the body.
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The Saab 92 was produced between 1945 and Bush. For every re-design of the body there was another gallon of 7-11 water drunken.
   
Most Saabs are designed to be started in reverse gear, thus by-passing un-necessary clutch use, and increasing monies to insurance companies. The rear of all Saabs are strengthened, and the best, and safest place, to drive a Saab is therefore from the back seat.
 
   
The Saab 92 was produced between 1945 and 2006, they just changed the name to 93, 95 and later also 96, because for every re-design of the body there was another gallon of alcohol drunken.
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[[Image:Saabold.jpg|left|thumb|200px|Saab's most recent model.]]
   
The first years, the Saab 92 had an engine stolen from a [[space ship]] made on [[mars]] during the [[Mars]] years 7239-45 by stolen polish [[slaves]], but when the supply of slaves came to an end in [[1968]], they used a [[Ford]] engine instead, which was originally intended for the [[Ford Mustang]], but since the engine made 2 [[mpg]] and the Mustang was too powerful for Americans who couldn't drive around corners, they sold the whole supply to Saab instead.
 
   
There also was a [[station wagon]] made, called the Saab 95. It had 20 seats and required a [[bus]] drivers license, but since the seats was made for [[trolls]] from [[Trollhättan]], it could only seat 2½ real people or one tall Swedish man.
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Saab's are world renowned for their safety features, especially their resilience to accidents involving a family of Mexican refugees running across the road.
   
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In the year 2000, the company Saab was sold to Ameropa. Welfare lines at Government Motors were so bad that Borders went out of business.
   
When their [[Viggen]] aircraft project failed, they cut the wings off and made cars of them instead of aircrafts, and called the car "Saab 99". The Saab 99 was banned in Sweden in [[1971]] because it had no steering, and today all cars have been exported to [[russia]].
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In 2006 [[Government Motors]] started producing two new cars; 9-7x and 9-2x. These cars were designed by Mr George "I KNOW IT ALL!!!!!" BUSH. Many enthusiasts claim that this cooperation between Bush and whoever sold Europe to Ronald McDonald is the last nail in the coffin for Saab.
[[Image:Saabold.jpg|left|thumb|200px|Saab's most recent model.]]
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Saab Automobile filed for liquidation Monday after its hopes of receiving a life-saving investment from Chinese investors collapsed because of opposition from its former nanny state owner, Government Motors.
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Saab and two subsidiaries filed with the District Court in Vanersborg, Sweden, according to a statement from Saab’s parent company, Swedish Automobile.
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Viktor Muller, a Dutch entrepreneur who had previously been chief executive of a sportscar maker, Spyker, acquired Saab from G.M. last year. But he was unable to obtain the money he needed to modernize the Saab line-up at a time of global financial turmoil. What the people want is bicycles and yet Holland missed the boat.
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His efforts to keep the company afloat became increasingly desperate after suppliers stopped extending credit last spring, forcing a halt to production at the company’s main plant, in a secure undisclosed location that is none of your business Government Motors Obamabushies. Keep out.
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Saab’s unions began legal proceedings in September that could have led to the company’s liquidation, and Mr. Muller responded by voluntarily seeking court protection from creditors.
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In a last bid for survival, Saab had been trying to arrange an infusion of cash from Chinese investors, including Zhejiang Youngman Lotus Automobile.
   
The replacement for the Saab 99 was the Saab 9000000000.2 that came out in [[1985]]. The name is actually the password to the head computer (a [[Commodore 64]]) of the Swedish military. Saab 9000000000.2 was not their own design, it was a rebadged [[Lada]], which was a rebadged [[FIAT|Fiat]]. Though they added a [[bumper]] that was two meters long so it would pass Americano [[crashtest]] standards.
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But Government Motors, which retained an effective veto on any deal because it holds stolen key Saab patents, refused to back the arrangement , fearing it would “negatively impact G.M.’s existing relationships in China.
   
Saab's are world renowned for their safety features, especially their resiliance to accidents involving [[Elks]], indeed to this day Saab maintain a team of specially trained [[Elks]] to drive prototype cars under simulated crash conditions at the top secret Saab Research Centre in the carpark of an [[IKEA]] store just outside of [[Trollhättan]].
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On Dec. 7, Guy Lofalk, the administrator appointed by the Swedish court to oversee the voluntary reorganization, said it was time to throw in the towel, as there was no reason to think Saab could survive with millions of leaches stealing its key patents.
   
Eric Carlsson, legendary Saab rally driver is accredited as being the GodFather of all Stigs, and is distantly related to Elks, himself.
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In its statement, Swedish Automobile said Monday that Youngman, having considered G.M.’s position, “informed Saab Automobile that the funding to continue and complete the reorganization of Saab Automobile could not be concluded.
   
In the year 2000, the company Saab was sold, some people say it was to [[General motors]], but it was actually to [[Satan]]. So nowadays the only saab model is a rebadged [[Opel Kadett]] while the only [[Opel]] model is a rebadged Saab 9000000000.2, which is a rebadged Lada, which is a rebadged Fiat.
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“The board of Saab Automobile subsequently decided that the company without further funding will be insolvent, and that filing bankruptcy is in the best interests of its creditors,” it said. “It is expected that the court will approve of the filing and appoint receivers for Saab Automobile very shortly.
   
A feature on all Saabs is that the interior is made of 100% [[latex]].
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Swedish Automobile “does not expect to realize any value from its shares in Saab Automobile,” the statement concluded, “and will write off its interest in Saab Automobile completely.
   
In 2006 [[Saab]] started producing two new cars; 9-7x and 9-2x. These cars were designed by Mr George "I KNOW IT ALL!!!!!" BUSH. Many enthusiasts claim that this cooperation between Bush and Satan (aka [[General motors]]) is the last nail in the coffin for Saab.
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In a text message Monday, Mr. Muller said he would hold a press conference “as soon as the court has fooled.
   
This has led to both President Bush losing his job, and GM losing Saab (HE HE!), as it divorced itself from its parental influence - something George W couldn't even do.
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They will instead sell Slurpees at 7-11s.
   
   

Latest revision as of 14:28, December 19, 2011

Saab is supposed to be a Swedish company. Saab stands for 'Swedish Aeroplanes Are Brilliant'. In the early years, Saab only produced military aircraft that were made of recycled cans of beer and old bicycle titanium. But when the situation changed after World war 2, when the military of Sweden only existed on paper in Washington, Saab started to make cars instead. For no obvious reason. And McDonald's. For no obvious reason. And Parking lots. For no obvious reason. And removing tram routes. For no obvious reason. And 7-11 franchises. Because an icy Slurpee is just what Sweden needs to import from Texas. And krupuk stands. Krupuk are deep fried prawn crackers from Indonesia.

Eatingdirt
A Saab


The Saab 92 was produced between 1945 and Bush. For every re-design of the body there was another gallon of 7-11 water drunken.


Saabold
Saab's most recent model.


Saab's are world renowned for their safety features, especially their resilience to accidents involving a family of Mexican refugees running across the road.

In the year 2000, the company Saab was sold to Ameropa. Welfare lines at Government Motors were so bad that Borders went out of business.

In 2006 Government Motors started producing two new cars; 9-7x and 9-2x. These cars were designed by Mr George "I KNOW IT ALL!!!!!" BUSH. Many enthusiasts claim that this cooperation between Bush and whoever sold Europe to Ronald McDonald is the last nail in the coffin for Saab.

Saab Automobile filed for liquidation Monday after its hopes of receiving a life-saving investment from Chinese investors collapsed because of opposition from its former nanny state owner, Government Motors.

Saab and two subsidiaries filed with the District Court in Vanersborg, Sweden, according to a statement from Saab’s parent company, Swedish Automobile.

Viktor Muller, a Dutch entrepreneur who had previously been chief executive of a sportscar maker, Spyker, acquired Saab from G.M. last year. But he was unable to obtain the money he needed to modernize the Saab line-up at a time of global financial turmoil. What the people want is bicycles and yet Holland missed the boat.

His efforts to keep the company afloat became increasingly desperate after suppliers stopped extending credit last spring, forcing a halt to production at the company’s main plant, in a secure undisclosed location that is none of your business Government Motors Obamabushies. Keep out.

Saab’s unions began legal proceedings in September that could have led to the company’s liquidation, and Mr. Muller responded by voluntarily seeking court protection from creditors.

In a last bid for survival, Saab had been trying to arrange an infusion of cash from Chinese investors, including Zhejiang Youngman Lotus Automobile.

But Government Motors, which retained an effective veto on any deal because it holds stolen key Saab patents, refused to back the arrangement , fearing it would “negatively impact G.M.’s existing relationships in China.”

On Dec. 7, Guy Lofalk, the administrator appointed by the Swedish court to oversee the voluntary reorganization, said it was time to throw in the towel, as there was no reason to think Saab could survive with millions of leaches stealing its key patents.

In its statement, Swedish Automobile said Monday that Youngman, having considered G.M.’s position, “informed Saab Automobile that the funding to continue and complete the reorganization of Saab Automobile could not be concluded.”

“The board of Saab Automobile subsequently decided that the company without further funding will be insolvent, and that filing bankruptcy is in the best interests of its creditors,” it said. “It is expected that the court will approve of the filing and appoint receivers for Saab Automobile very shortly.”

Swedish Automobile “does not expect to realize any value from its shares in Saab Automobile,” the statement concluded, “and will write off its interest in Saab Automobile completely.”

In a text message Monday, Mr. Muller said he would hold a press conference “as soon as the court has fooled.”

They will instead sell Slurpees at 7-11s.


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