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“The awesomest, hippest, transforming n00b in town!”
“A physical wave that propagates through matter to generate sound.”
“Soundwave fucking cool, everyone else dickheads”
I am Soundwave. Your human cries and screams are music to my ears.
WELCOME to my personal Uncyclopedia page, where you can read about the truth and the real me, UNLIKE this fake page where some anonymous IP address made up lies and crap about me. I am NOT a Grammy-winning former bass player of The Decepticons, I have no clue who The Tape Delays are, and I have never been romantically involved with Jessica Alba (although Soundwave would definitely bang her anytime). For the misinformation he/she wrote, I am going to sue some anonymous IP address for defaming my reputation and for insulting my integrity. Soundwave shows no mercy.
I officially joined UnNews at 04:17 UTC on the 10th of July 2007. You can read more about this here. I was pulled out of the depths of psychological depression by my new Master, The Sovereign of the Order Oscar Wilde. He really reminds me of Megatron. I owe him my life for helping me overcome my energon dependency, although I still need to learn to control my anger (FUCK you Michael Bay you bastard... FUCK YOU you shithead for not casting me in the fucking movie!!!!!!!!! fucking asshole.) Don't worry, Uncyclopedians, I am taking anger management classes at the moment. I should be able to manage my emotions soon, so just chill (You're going to pay for this, you FAGGOT!!! NO ONE INSULTS SOUNDWAVE AND LIVES!!! DIE MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!!!).
OPERATION UNNEWS WORLD DOMINATION
OBJECTIVE: Wipe out all resistance against UnNews's ascendency to world domination of parody news
Participants: The Sovereign of the Order Oscar Wilde, Grand Master Chronarion, UnNewsAudio Creator & Executive Producer and Benevolent Dic
ktator for Life Sir Todd Lyons, n00b UnNews correspondent Soundwave, his pets (Ravage, Laserbeak, Buzzsaw, Ratbat, Rumble and Frenzy), UnNews staff, correspondents and your grandma.
Primary targets: The Onion, The Colbert Report and Wikinews
Secondary targets: UnNews correspondents who produce articles of appalling quality (an example here); Other satirical news sources that no one really reads
The following are my Prime Directives as ordered by The Sovereign of the Order:
- Steal what is "good" material from the computers or servers of The Onion, The Colbert Report and Wikinews headquarterss first. Then covertly rewrite the remaining crap you don't want, so that our rivals' bad crap will become worse crap when they publish/broadcast them. (Ravage the Saboteur likes this one very much)
- Sabotage the web servers of The Onion and Wikinews by spamming, installing trojan horses and uploading illicit child porn. Then call FBI.
- Perform daily brain scan on Stephen Colbert, in order to steal good ideas (if he has any, doesn't usually happen though). [First Report 23:09 UTC 07/10/07: So far, Colbert does not even appear to have a brain]
- Seek out UnNews correspondents who consistently write crap and DESTROY them. (Rev. Zim likes this one very much)
- Interfere with the cable broadcast of The Colbert Report using my shoulder-mounted remote digital sonicating-disruptor.
- Ass-kiss The Sovereign of the Order every other day.
- Call Jessica Alba.
My favorite pet is Ravage, because black is a cool color and he is the best saboteur ever! Ravage is such a punk! Laserbeak, Buzzsaw, Ratbat, Rumble and Frenzy are alright, I guess. Obviously they can do better to gain my attention. Frenzy is kind of hard to understand sometimes. He speaks in such a peculiar manner.
UnNews articles written about me:
- Japan launch really secret satellite, February 24th 2007 (brief mention)
- Soundwave joins UnNews’s quest for world domination, July 10th 2007
-- SWkicksass 777 04:18, 10 July 2007 (UTC)