SEHS
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SEHS (Sudden Exploding Head Syndrome), also known in the pseudo-scientific community as Spontanious Cranial Eruption, or SCE, is a condition believed to be caused by overloading the brain with the body's own electricity through intense thinking, severe constipation, and concentration, resulting in the spontaneous combustion or a volatile explosion of the patient's head. However, there are other possible causes.
Though SEHS is widely accepted by experts as a fatal disease, they'd be wrong because it's a condition, however briefly (though it might be possible that these experts stopped investigating out of fear of dying because of it). In some certain individuals (also known as godless Communists or X-Men), once the brain ceases all thought, the head reforms with startling regularity.
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[edit] Medical Condition
SEHS is not a genetic condition. Anyone can get it by doing naughty things. There is no cure, save to rip your head open and expose it to the vacuum of space, which really kind of defeats the point. Much like Decapitation Disease and Chicken Pox, it is very rare for a person to experience SEHS more than once in a lifetime, and the lack of a head generally prevents memory of the experience from persisting. There is, however, one documented case of someone surviving the condition, namely Stephen Hawking. When one day he was contemplating the photonic mass/wavelength problem in association with giraffes, he felt the onset of SEHS building up in his mind. Hawking realized what was going to happen and used his spare brain capacity (very few people have this) to redirect the ATP energy away from his brain, thus causing his entire body to become paralyzed but leaving his head intact.
[edit] Origin
The affliction of SEHS began when the famous author, H. G. Wells, wrote a book called The Time Machine. Upon reading the novel, people were prompted to ask the question:
| If I went back in time and changed the future, wouldn't it mean that in that future I wouldn't have wanted to go back in time and change the future, which would mean that I never went back in the first place, which would mean that I would have wanted to go back into the future, which would mean that I didn't but... |
Because human beings in this part of history had no defence (and some still don’t) against infinite time loop paradoxes the human brain would often overload and burst, ruining everyone's nice Victorian clothing.
The Time Machine was banned for, well, a time before resurfacing in the 1980s under the name of The Terminator, causing a massive outbreak of SEHS in all of the major cities in North America. Many of the finest and most intelligent minds of our century were wiped out by this debilitating condition. This helped cause the New York Blackouts, American Idol, Big Brother and inspired most of the special effects in Dawn of the Dead. In fact, Albert Einstein had finally refined his theory of relativity when his brain violently a-sploded. Because of its immense size, the asplosion splattered through most of the White House, and the presidential aides had to quickly inform the President of the massive stain. Fortunately, this incident later inspired the A-Bomb.
This disease was also observed in the 1994 Moscow Candidate Masters' Chess Championships, in which one chess player, Nikolai Titov, concentrated so hard that his head literally a sploded in the middle of a game, splattering all over his opponent, Yuri Shergar. However, reports claim that the following day, a somewhat shell-shocked Titov was sighted, complete with a new head: Shergar's.
[edit] Sudden Un-Asploded Head Syndrome
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In many cases, the brain does not produce sufficient thoughts to set off the proper chain reaction. This condition is known as Sudden Una-sploded Head Syndrome (SUHS). It is considered less dangerous than SEHS, but can cause delusional states, erratic behavior, faith in inconsistent and illogical religions, and an inability to answer questions without help from a speaker in your back. It may also make one more susceptible to choking on pretzels than ordinary folks.
Sadly, unknown amounts of Americans may suffer from this tragic condition, and are now spreading it to other parts of the world by simply appearing on international television. Furthermore, one out of ten doctors has concluded that the primary sufferers of SUHS are Jehovah's Witnesses, followed by Scientologists, Democrats, tree huggers, and Keith Olbermann. It is also suspected that being near, listening to, or watching a carrier of SUHS in action may lead to a sudden occurrence of SEHS.
Like SEHS, SUHS is remarkably common in the Presidents of the United States of America, most notably [[]], Miley Cyrus, Barrack Hussein Obama, and Bill Clinton. In fact, as of 2009, it is the primary objective of the Presidential Security Team to keep the President away from white people difficult/intelligent questions and other sources of thought-process ignition; they could be dangerous. Also, no one wants a smart man at the wheel of America... or so the Liberals say.
[edit] Other Causes Of SEHS!
Just because you like to stay away from intense thinking, you think you're safe from SEHS, don't you? Well... You're not. There are several other causes of SEHS, such as: seeking peaceful coexistence, telling a Christian that God is imaginary, playing World of Warcraft for 16 seconds, or reading/hearing any e.e. cummings poem.
Other reasons include:
- When women tell men, "You should know why I'm angry; I shouldn't have to tell you!"
- Bacteria in the cytoplasm that builds up when such words are spoken: onomatopoeia, lol and quotes of the likes of "George W. Bush is not retarded"
- Stoically trying to convince yourself your head will not explode to get over the fear of your head exploding, known as headexplodophobia.
- Waiting in line at the DMV, only to find out you've missed a form.
- Exposure to variations of the so-called 'So i herd you like ...' "jokes"
[edit] See also
- SIDS (Sudden Instant Death Syndrome)
- Speed-typing
- Secks
- Brainsplurge
- hot sex
- eating disoder
