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S4C, (WaleS 4 Cymru, WALES4CYMRU, Espedwarec, Welsh language broadcasting, Simplicity 4 Convenience or colloquially known as S-fuc) is a Welsh language channel, broadcast jointly from the 'S4C Television Centre', Jones' Farm, Lampeter, and Tesco Caernarfon, acclaimed for its consistently excellent broadcasting schedule (all seemingly farming related), which broadcasts as a Channel 4 alternative in Wales.
It has developed from its humble beginnings as an adult sheep network to a channel which now also broadcasts Channel 4 repeats and the occasional farming program. It is the single biggest cause of insomnia within Welsh teenagers since you have to wait until past 1am to see Channel4 programmes that have nudity in them.
Typical Programming on S4C
Here are some examples of viewing on this hilarious beauteous network:
Pobol y Cwm (People of the Valley)
This is a long running 'soap' which has been going since the birth of the channel. It harbours many bizarre storylines, and throughout its history it has seen such great tales as 'Delaith'.
Most viewers use it to:
- Giggle at
- Admire the sexy accents
- Giggle at some more.
- Take another drag on your crack pipe because S4C is so crap you need hard drugs.
Cefn Gwlad (Back of Beyond)
This ingenius programme, where a fat Welshman takes the piss out of farmers, has been running for almost 900 years. Over the course of its history it has provided viewers with several classic moments:
- The episode that showed a woman hanging washing out on a line for ten minutes.
- The episode where the presenter, Dai, learnt how to make a bed.
- The episode where a farmer had so many children he had to buy twelve boxes of cereal every week.
- The episode where my friend's grandmother fell over in the snow.
Hotel Eddie (Eddie's Hotel)
This popular show (watched by literally tens of people across Wales), is based on the amusing adventures of hotel manager Eddie Butler. It is believed to be aimed at children, but nobody is sure. The show consists of a man in a tuxedo with his face painted grey who runs a hotel. No idea.
OneyGranni (Granny One Eye)
This is the flagship news programme. A one hour televised lie.
Average viewing figures usually fall somewhere in the single digits, however on St David's Day in 2009 ratings had skyrocketed to a nationwide record of 13 viewers! However in months recently viewing figures have stayed at a measly 0, somehow, in some cases falling to a completely preposterous and utterly impossible -2, then again, Wales is well known for it's backwardness. Did you know if you lied on your back at the bottom of any hill in Pontypridd you would roll up?!
The average budget for shows on S4C usually lies within a 50p limit, with most of the money spent on make-up artists and trailers for VIS's (Very Important Sheep), with lead actors usually getting paid in leeks or in Spring months, daffodils. Nobody complains, probably because there's no Welsh word for 'salary'.