Rumpelstiltskin

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“Just don't say my name backwards...OH YOU LITTLE BITCH!”
~ Rumpelstiltskin on fucking around

Rumpelstiltskin, Also known as Ni and Frumpeldoofenhorts has his roots in the story by the same name. An expert weaver of gold thread, he is sometimes regarded as the most misfortunate victim of a heinous business deal.

Background

The Queen, upon birth of her first born, was too greedy to give it away, and therefore, rumpelstiltskin had to make her an offer (the good guy he is, he made her an easy one). She was asked to guess his name within 7 days (Kinda reminds you of "The Ring", doesn't it) and the queen had a bit of bother searching for it.

Well, as the legend goes, she was going through her handbag one day, looking for her pink lipstick, when she found the business card of the guy who weaved her gold when she was locked up in the room with nothing to do but weave gold (this is irrelevant to the current story, so will be discontinued after this set of parantheses close and the subsequent period (also known as fullstop)). The business card had one name written on it and a mobile phone number.

The Queen called for the royal guard to find her the most literate person in the kingdom (this was a long time ago, only about 6 people in the world could read and about 17 others could write). The most literate person happened to be the second cousin of the Queen, who had a crush on the prince (this love story too, belongs in another website, so will be discontinued in this page). Now the queen asked the literate to read the business card. the conversation which ensued follows...

Literate (we will call this person Billy, as his real name was not known) : What do you want of me, Queenie? Queen (we will call her Queen as that's what she is) : I want you to read this business card for me.

Billy : No
Queen : Please?
Billy : No
Queen : Why can't you?
Billy : It's in Aramaic
Queen : No it's not
Billy : How would you know?
Queen : Because I learnt Aramaic in School
Billy : Don't be silly, you never went to school. You lived your life in a 
        small village without a school
Queen : Oh, yeah. Sorry, I lied (Facing the audience) I am known to do that, 
        you know
Billy : Ok, I will bring my Aramaic to German dictionary and German to French 
        Dictionary and  French to English Dictionary. 
Queen : What's a dictionary, and Why so many?
Billy : Because I don't have an Aramaic to English Dictionary.
Queen : Oh, right

Translation

The translation took four hours, and when it finally came through, the name rupert wilt skin was formed. This didn't sound right. Nobody in their right minds would name their child rupert. The translation continued. At long last, after hours of deliberation, the name Rumpelstiltskin was formed. This was all Billy could take. He committed himself to the rowing society and rowed his life away.

Meanwhile, the queen had called Mr. Rumpelstiltskin up and had told him his name. The rest of the story is as follows:

Rumpelstiltskin got a driver's license, changed his name to Ni, married Jo aka Rachel, moved to NiJo and still lives there.

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