Rumour

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{{Q|Rumour has it that my genius is being discussed.|[[Oscar Wilde]]}}
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{{Wilde|Rumour has it that my genius is being discussed.}}
[[Image:Towncrier.jpg|thumb|200px|right|Ancient Towncrier about to declare Rumour full-grown, adult, and thus... Truth! Objections were uttered through the accurate hurling of rotten eggs and fresh mud towards this civil servant.]]
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[[Image:Towncrier.jpg|thumb|200px|Ancient Towncrier about to declare Rumour full-grown, adult, and thus... Truth! Objections were uttered through the accurate hurling of rotten eggs and fresh mud towards this civil servant.]]
[[Image:MannekeP.jpg|thumb|200px|right|XVIIth Century tridimensional vision on Rumour.]]
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[[Image:MannekeP.jpg|thumb|200px|XVIIth Century tridimensional vision on Rumour.]]
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{{Wikipedia}}
   
{{wikipedia}}
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'''Rumour''' is the childhood of Truth. Or of Whatever Collaterally Damaging Nonsense. Yes, Malignant Factors lie watching its steps, eager to lead it astray, and then history ends up as an obscure assignment nobody really cares for. Brave Uncyclopedians try to repair such casualties, but to no much avail. Rumour, just like its pal Humour, comes in types<ref>And is as difficult to define, which makes it an excellent target for whatever lunatic Uncyclopedian on vacation.</ref>.
 
Rumour is the childhood of Truth. Or of Whatever Collaterally Damaging Nonsense. Yes, Malignant Factors lie watching its steps, eager to lead it astray, and then... history ends up as an obscure assignment nobody really cares for. Brave Uncyclopedians try to repair such casualties, but to no much avail... Rumour, just like its pal Humour, comes in types<ref>And is as difficult to define, which makes it an excellent target for whatever lunatic Uncyclopedian on vacation.</ref>.
 
   
 
==The childhood of Rumour==
 
==The childhood of Rumour==
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==Belongings of Rumour==
 
==Belongings of Rumour==
Rumour is a wealthy child, which possibly attracts even ''more'' Cunning Deviators. Countless articles carry sentences beginning with '''Rumour has it...''' Alas, Cunning Deviators manage to explain those expressions as... rumour! That makes their task easier, and allows them to get ahold of Rumour's belongings.
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Rumour is a wealthy child, which possibly attracts even ''more'' Cunning Deviators. Countless articles carry sentences beginning with '''Rumour has it...''' Alas, Cunning Deviators manage to explain those expressions as... rumour! That makes their task easier, and allows them to get ahold of Rumour's belongings.
   
 
==Speed of Rumour==
 
==Speed of Rumour==
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==References==
 
==References==
 
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[[Category:Knowledge]]
 
[[Category:Language]]
 
[[Category:Language]]
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[[Category:Philosophy]]
 
[[Category:Philosophy]]
 
[[Category:Science]]
 
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Latest revision as of 13:16, August 22, 2010

“Rumour has it that my genius is being discussed.”
~ Oscar Wilde

Towncrier

Ancient Towncrier about to declare Rumour full-grown, adult, and thus... Truth! Objections were uttered through the accurate hurling of rotten eggs and fresh mud towards this civil servant.

MannekeP

XVIIth Century tridimensional vision on Rumour.

Bouncywikilogo5
For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Rumour.

Rumour is the childhood of Truth. Or of Whatever Collaterally Damaging Nonsense. Yes, Malignant Factors lie watching its steps, eager to lead it astray, and then history ends up as an obscure assignment nobody really cares for. Brave Uncyclopedians try to repair such casualties, but to no much avail. Rumour, just like its pal Humour, comes in types[1].

edit The childhood of Rumour

edit The contradiction

If you were paying attention, you wouldn't even bother to read this paragraph, since it has been said that Rumour IS the childhood of Truth etc... But since you obviously are reading this, we can as well continue.

edit Distance

Rumour's age can be spotted through the factor distance. The farther off a message is, the younger our laddie. Examples:

  • I heard from an uncle of the sister-in-law of the cleaning lady of the counsellor of a businessman connected to the Board of Directors of "Strogov & Sons" that this company actually doesn't exist anymore.

Comment: very young Rumour, can go any which way, possibly to oblivion.

  • I found on Uncyclopedia that "Strogov & Sons" doesn't exist anymore.

Comment: Rumour has gone through a happy period of healthy formation, and has been raised to Absloute Truth.

edit Deviation of Rumour

edit Nuisance

Some people make a living out of deviating young Rumour, since it has been proven that, performed by a Cunning Deviator, this is a sure way to power. Unless another Deviator is more cunning still[2].

edit Comedy

A wholesome deviation of Rumour occurs when it forms a comic duet with its pal Humour, delivering nice gags that get through whatever insane extremist fundamentalist whateverist censoring. The grand total of those gags is 666:

  • Three sketch routines that have been applauded ever since, and never cease to entertain most people around the globe, as well as those actually living on the globe. Yes, my dear, I'm talking about Nrs. 15, 72 and 356.
  • 663 jokes nobody listens to, especially when the preacher is on his own to deliver them, and realizes, to his own expense, that they might have come across better if he had a straight man at his side.

edit Belongings of Rumour

Rumour is a wealthy child, which possibly attracts even more Cunning Deviators. Countless articles carry sentences beginning with Rumour has it... Alas, Cunning Deviators manage to explain those expressions as... rumour! That makes their task easier, and allows them to get ahold of Rumour's belongings.

edit Speed of Rumour

Sociologists have determined that Rumour indeed has a speed, and that it is exponential, meaning that Rumour will grow quickly, to the detriment of its surroundings, and will begin slowing its growth halfway through, depending on how many people speak of it. In other words, in order to cultivate Rumour efficiently, get as many people to comment on it as possible.

edit References

  1. And is as difficult to define, which makes it an excellent target for whatever lunatic Uncyclopedian on vacation.
  2. If, in spite of history ending up as an obscure assignment, you can lay hands on a history book, take them off it, open it, and read it. Really, nice things to be found there. Or browse through Uncyclopedia's fine articles.
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