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Rugby League is a game played by individuals of questionable sexuality, most often in the eastern states of Straiya, Papua New Guinea, France, Tonga, Fiji, Russia, Lebanon, United States and United Kingdom. Invented as an alternative for athletes who do enjoy wearing shiny shorts but don't want the type of heart-pumping exercise that occurs in other sports. In much of the developed world, rugby union is rugby league’s arch-enemy. The game requires players to have a skull at least a foot thick and watching the game makes you want to remove and stir fry your own testicles out of boredom.
The game of Rugby League was created in 1895 when most of the rugby union players wanted a rugby code which would allow them to touch eachother more without it seeming too gay. As a result, a new organisation called Northern Union was established to cater for these common working class peasant oiks who should have been working down coal mines. Absolutely nothing to do with Australians at this time. In an attempt to deal with the unbelievably low IQ of the new sports players, variations of Rugby Union were introduced, or rather, removed from the sport. Whilst Rugby union retained its kicking game, Rugby League removed all these variants and made the sole purpose of the game to get the ball from one side of the field to the other and place it over the line without falling asleep. Rugby league purists maintain that if one can achieve this goal they should be therefore controversially branded as "skilled".
Growth of the Game
Originally, two teams contested the inaugural premiership: South Sydney Rabbits and Newtown Bluebags (later renamed Hip-Cool Cappucino Sippers). It soon expanded to an 8-team premiership as rugby players quickly realised that they get paid for actually playing rugby league. The other six teams were East Sydney Roasters, North Sydney Bares, Western Suburb Flannies, Marrickville Legends, Ettamogah Mob, English and some french fru fru powder puffs and quite a lot of maoris and other miscellaneous.
None thus far.
Uncle Rupert from Lews Nimited decided he liked rugby league so much that he’d make his own competition called ‘Super Dicks’. As a result the game almost died.
Today, the premier rugby league competition is run by the NRL, or “New South Wales and no other states allowed Rugby League” (not to be confused with Naval Research Laboratory). Other terms for it is "Night-clubbers & Racists League" or just simply "National Racists League". Called "one of the most 'male physical' sports in Australia and I like it" by Homosexual Australian MP Bob Brown.
Rugby League is the most popular game in the world and is played by everyone, all of the time. No other sports exist. Just close your eyes and cover your ears, clap and count to three.
Current Australian Clubs
The NRL currently features at least 16 teams, possibly more. NRL adminstrators aren’t really sure how may teams there are because they once set up a few teams in Adeliade and Perth but haven’t bothered to go over and check their progress. Listed at the bottom of the page are the current teams that we know of.
|Auckland Worriers||Should have at least 1, possibly less||Uniforms made of pure wool|
|Brisbane My Little Ponies||More than many. About 6.||In bed with Uncle Rupert|
|Canberra Ass-rippers||Were good in the late 80s, early 90s. Kind of like Guns N' Roses||Politics is boring|
|Canterbury Terrorists||Won the premiership while cheating the salary cap about 2000 times. Fans must be scanned for bombs and weapons upon entry to a stadium.||drunk citizens in the community|
|Cronulla-Sutherland Nemos||When dogs learn how to speak Ancient Greek (never)||Strong hatred of St. George Dragqueens and Canterbury Puppies.|
|Eastern Suburbs Chickens||Some, or maybe none. Nobody is sure because very few care.||oldest team in nrl|
|Gold Coast Somethings||Nobody cares, divided by zero.||Team plans to fold at least twice through the season.|
|Manly-Warringah Pigeons||Lets say 6.||Everyone hates Manly. The reason they're called Manly is because they're a bunch of homos.|
|Melbourne Snowcones||It's Melbourne, so a good few but lost them because citizens of New South Wales don't like Victoria being good at their sport.||Won a record 3 seasons in a row ('06, '07, '08) while earning an impressive total of 0 points.|
|Newcastle Tin-Men||2||Not very good without Andrew Johns.|
|Chinatown Eels||Probably about five.||Everybody loves to hate the worms. The Devil's favourite team but he bets on everyone else.|
|Penrith Pussies||About 2.||I’ve got nothing|
|South Sydney Wankers||The South Sydney Wankers enjoyed unrivalled success by winning 20 premierships but haven’t won one (or a game) since 1971||Despite this they’ve still attracted investments from international phone-throwing champion Mr. Russell Crowe. Training has since been kept strictly behind closed doors, same as the annual NRL rape-fest. Formerly known as the South Sydney Killer Rabbits, Bunnies & Brusiers.|
|St. George Dragqueens||Won like a bajillion in a row yonks ago.||Is like Elle McPherson, old but pleasing on the eye. Choke weekly. They have done shit since "Fucking Mark" Gasnier left. And now he's back!!!!! should go fuck themselves|
|North Queensland Brokeback Mountain Fuckwits||None. Zip. Zero. Zilch. Will never win anything.||Almost as bad as Cronulla but with arguably the best player in the world. The stadium's western stand is made up entirely of corporate boxes filled with semi-successful local construction workers and their loose daughters/wives. Peasants are only permitted access to the uncovered east stand and grass hills. Known for passionate supporters - attendance figures directly correlate with previous week's win/loss.|
|Wests White-Dicks||Same colours as a tiger.||Essentially a bunch of...wait for it.... pussies.|