Rugby league

An attacking player attempts to evade two defenders.

Rugby League is a game played by individuals of questionable sexuality, most often in the eastern states of Straiya, Papua New Guinea, France, Tonga, Fiji, Russia, Lebanon, United States and United Kingdom. Invented as an alternative for athletes who do enjoy wearing shiny shorts but don't want the type of heart-pumping exercise that occurs in other sports. In much of the developed world, rugby union is rugby league’s arch-enemy. The game requires players to have a skull at least a foot thick and watching the game makes you want to remove and stir fry your own testicles out of boredom.

edit History

edit Birth

The game of Rugby League was created in 1895 when most of the rugby union players wanted a rugby code which would allow them to touch eachother more without it seeming too gay. As a result, a new organisation called Northern Union was established to cater for these common working class peasant oiks who should have been working down coal mines. Absolutely nothing to do with Australians at this time. In an attempt to deal with the unbelievably low IQ of the new sports players, variations of Rugby Union were introduced, or rather, removed from the sport. Whilst Rugby union retained its kicking game, Rugby League removed all these variants and made the sole purpose of the game to get the ball from one side of the field to the other and place it over the line without falling asleep. Rugby league purists maintain that if one can achieve this goal they should be therefore controversially branded as "skilled".

edit Growth of the Game

Originally, two teams contested the inaugural premiership: South Sydney Rabbits and Newtown Bluebags (later renamed Hip-Cool Cappucino Sippers). It soon expanded to an 8-team premiership as rugby players quickly realised that they get paid for actually playing rugby league. The other six teams were East Sydney Roasters, North Sydney Bares, Western Suburb Flannies, Marrickville Legends, Ettamogah Mob, English and some french fru fru powder puffs and quite a lot of maoris and other miscellaneous.

edit Golden Era

None thus far.

edit Uncle Rupert

Uncle Rupert from Lews Nimited decided he liked rugby league so much that he’d make his own competition called ‘Super Dicks’. As a result the game almost died.

edit Today

Today, the premier rugby league competition is run by the NRL, or “New South Wales and no other states allowed Rugby League” (not to be confused with Naval Research Laboratory). Other terms for it is "Night-clubbers & Racists League" or just simply "National Racists League". Called "one of the most 'male physical' sports in Australia and I like it" by Homosexual Australian MP Bob Brown.

edit International Scene

Rugby League is the most popular game in the world and is played by everyone, all of the time. No other sports exist. Just close your eyes and cover your ears, clap and count to three.

edit Clubs

edit Current Australian Clubs

The NRL currently features at least 16 teams, possibly more. NRL adminstrators aren’t really sure how may teams there are because they once set up a few teams in Adeliade and Perth but haven’t bothered to go over and check their progress. Listed at the bottom of the page are the current teams that we know of.

edit Former Clubs

Some clubs are no longer with us because Uncle Rupert from Lews Nimited had them exterminated by Teletubbies because they weren’t making quite enough money.

These groups are as follows:

• Balmain Fighters
• Dubbo Zoos
• Hobart Brewers
• Illawarra Tin-Man
• Nerang/Birrong CityRail Trains
• Newtown Hip-Cool Cappucino Sippers
• North Sydney Labradors
• North Ryde Numnuts
• South Queensland/Towoomba Fuckers
• Sydney University Hooters
• Western Suburbs Bogans
• Wet Toast Whatevers

edit Greatest Players

Rugby League players who reach a certain level of skill, speed and stamina automatically transform into "immortals". The immortalisation process starts in their gay little shorts and then spreads both north and south. Speech becomes coarse and the player will appear to be mentally retarded. This is most commonly followed by an uncontrollable desire to change sports, usually to one of a considerable higher salary and in which viewers actually attend games. Below is the list of immortals:

1. Wally (Not the King) Lewis
2. Brad "grunting counts as actual speech" Fittler
3. Your Dad
4. Plastic Jesus
5. Doctor Who
6. Ned Kelly
7. Thomas Johnson
8. Tutankhamen

1. Kevin Rudd

Once inducted into the "immortals hall of fame", these special players are afforded the privileges of a staff car and dental plan. Andrew Johns is not allowed to be an immortal because he is from Cessnock.

edit Off the Field

It is a proven fact that most Rugby League players like to get drunk, have group sex, call black Rugby league players niggers or abuse women in their spare time. Characters such as Matthew Johns and other members of the Cronulla Nemos club were found to have had group sex with a New Zealand woman in 2002. Gross. Additionally, players such as Nate Myles, Willie Mason, Brett Seymour and many more have acted in terrible ways whilst under the influence. Myles, in fact, has been reported to have defecated in the corridor of the hotel he was at. He was publicly condemmned, but luckily satan is his lawyer. Greg Bird, a former Cronulla Nemos player, has also been charged for glassing his girl friend when she got too lippy. In 2010, Andrew Johns stood down as NSW Rugby league assistant coach after saying "What's good Nigga?! What's really good?" to Greg Inglis - a nigga of the Queensland rugby league side - when Johns was possessed by the Spirit of Colonel H Stinkmeaner. Johns also said this from 1999-2004 to fellow Newcastle Tin Men player Timana Tahu whenever they spoke before a game.

edit A Tool of Mind Control

As with all sports, Rugby League is basically an advertising vehicle, forcussed on dribbling idiots that speak english but do not speak english - if you follow me. The mindless unquestioning worship of the game and its logo-encrusted troglodyte participants is drilled into the public consciousness relentlessly by the media on behalf of their corporate masters. Convinced that they will be subjected to public ridicule by their peers for failure to follow the sport, the public dutifully line up for tickets. The game itself serves merely as a retarded distraction so that the advertising banners surrounding the field will have a stronger subliminal effect.