Rugby Union

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“What rugby union?”
~ Oscar Wilde on Rugby Union
“Fucking homo!”
~ Corey Delaney on Rugby Union
“The ARU should be called the GayRU!”
~ Kevin Rudd on Rugby Union
“What the fuck is this?”
~ Australian Rules and Rugby League supporters on Rugby Union
“This is the greatest game ever, because it was invented in England, and England is the greatest nation in the world, so by association anything that we make is the best in the world. Our logic is infallible.”
~ The English on Rugby Union
“The English are right”
~ Captain Obvious on Rugby Union
“Just like my girlfriend...never mind, that's inflatable.”
~ English footballer's subtle refutation that Rugby is the greatest game ever
“Rugby Union, Cause fat blokes need sport”
~ Ancient Chinese Proverb
“Rugby League is a simple game, played by simple people, Rugby Union is a complex game played by Wankers”
~ Laurie Daley

Rugby Yawnion, known in some circles as "maul-ball", is a homosexual man-boy sport which was invented as a result of a memorable afternoon of sado-masochism involving the adolescent John Brown and his boarding master, one Mr Jones in 1855. After being caught out by other like minded boarders and masters, Jones and Brown's interlude expanded to include more participants, under the thin veneer of the 'sport' of Rugby Union. Organised mass buggery continued to occur on a regular basis at the Rugby School in the later years of the nineteenth century and the Rugby School soon became famous as a place for the sons of the English upper class to learn proper English traits of masculinity.

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Private school boys in the UK and Australia continue to believe that they are playing this "sport" to this day. This is remarkable given the rather obvious double entendres associated with Rugby Union, including 'rugger bugger', and the fact that an unsavoury element (Tweed jacketed middle aged single men) are usually involved in 'coaching'; 'strapping' and 'vaselining' the boys.

In Australia, 'maul-ball' attracts supporters from a wide demographic, running the full gamut from wankers to tossers. Supporters must vote conservative and drive a car worth no less than $60,000 (which must be paid for with parents' money). Australian Rugby Union supporters are a rich and diverse tapestry of old boys from no fewer than 6 private schools in Sydney and Brisbane.

Australian Rugby Unionist factionistas often engage in a multi-layered, complex and hilarious post modernist dialectic with Rugby League -ists wherein one party will attempt to convince the other that their game is the more 'international'. Anyone from an actually foreign country (i.e. not the UK, South Africa or New Zealand) need not be alarmed. However actual foreign persons should not attempt to intervene as these discussions can become very culturally robust, especially if all of the hot women have gone home with other blokes and there has been a preceding discussion about the relative merits of VB over Crown Lager.

In the UK, Rugby Union has two rules, the first being that, so as to avoid being bored to death by a ruck that has been going on for what-seems-like-ever, the fly half is required to kick the ball as far as he can and out of play every five minutes, so that there can be a throwing and jumping competition where the ball went out. The second rule in Rugby Union in the UK is that, every time the fly half kicks said ball to touch, everyone in the crowd on pain of death has to clap and shout "Jolly good kick old bean, what what?" before getting themselves into a lather about who will win the jumping and throwing competition.

Looking at the normal team we can take notice of the fat props in the corner, being thaught how to count. For example Alex Verlato or we like to call him Fatty Mcfatfat. Many of these forwards have a poor lack of education, and barely passed year 6. They are a source of entertainment as they can drink twice as much a team combined.... 4 times. the worlds best rugby players come from brighton rugby club not old colegiens because they are fat like alex verlato( or as he is known by the rest of the rugby community "shiny".) brighton are the best rugby players because they eat blood for supper, thats right, its not just a club motto.the night before every game they consume a small amount of blood taken from a south african kid we keep locked up under the club rooms. this is similar to how scientologists gained their powers.


Asians on the other hand are super at rugby making fun of the forwards we ready made fullbacks, stand at the back laughing at the dumb forwards pushing against each other. Key Terms

Ball - Something an outside back will never touch (like a woman, really)

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