Rucka Rucka Ali

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For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Rucka Rucka Ali.

Rucka Rucka Ali (born January 27, 1987) is an American white rapper, politician, and Asian Rights advocate who has achieved fame through his racially liberating songs and political career.

edit Musical Career

Rucka's music is world famous for its message of unequal rights. Rucka himself is known to have an addiction to crack, among other drugs love of social justice and racial inequality. Rucka has spent time in North Korea and formed a special bond with the people there. Upon returning to the States after his 16 year hiatus in the DPRK, Rucka released his first song, "Ima Korean" spreading awareness of the North Korean immigrants' struggle for inequality in modern America.

Rucka released several more Asian Rights songs before touring the Soviet Union. It was there that he found inspiration for his next song. Inspired by the struggle for LGBT rights in the Soviet Union, upon his return to America Rucka released the song "Russia is Gay". This song's release inadvertently brought devastation. Vladimir Makarov, upon hearing the song unleashed devastation in a Russian airport and in effect caused the Modern Warfare 2 (MWII) in which thousands of gay people lost their lives.

The devastation continued for Rucka after he discovered that YouTube was pulling his songs off of their website because YouTube had no interest in social justice and instead just wanted videos of dancing cats, laughing babies, or sneezing pandas. Rucka's next several songs addressed his issue with YouTube and he released an entire album titled "Me No Rikey YouTube" featuring prominant Asian celebrities such as Hu Jintao, Jackie Chan, Pikachu, and Carrot Top. The album was met with critical acclaim and rocketed to number one on the top Lebanese pop charts.

More recently, Rucka has responded to the Tsunami in Japan by releasing a hit single performed along side bitchin' super star from Mars, Charlie Sheen. Although the single was met with very negative but some postivie reviews, Charlie still assured Rucka that he was winning and suggested he drink some tiger blood as well as banging 7 gram rocks.

edit Political Career

After the widespread success in his musical career, Rucka turned to politics. He campaigned successfully in Ohio's District Nine against current Speaker of the House John Boehner. However Barack Obama, having pity on Rucka, decided to give her her dream job as Chief Chairman of the Asian Rights Committee. Rucka quit after only three months on the job, citing "irreconcilable differences" between he and Obama's NCAA brackets. Upon quitting Rucka wrote a book titled "Goin' Rucka" about his experiences and his credentials to be president of the United States.

edit 2012 Presidential Campaign

Rucka announced his candidacy for the Presidency in 2012 despite his being hated by all Republicans, Democrats, Greens, and Vegans.

However, Rucka quickly gained popularity in his first debate with his former friend Obama. When asked about offshore oil drilling Rucka replied, "I don't give a shit." This response garnered much praise from both the left and the right, leaving Obama speechless.

Since his announcement for candidacy December 21, 2012, Rucka has seen substantial gains in the polls. According to Gallup he is well ahead of the Communist Democratic Party nominee Barack Obama, whoever the hell Republicans choose as their candidate, and probably Ralph Nader.

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