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Welcome to Uncyclopedia in Mourning,

the content-free encyclopedia that we wished Some User and Todd Lyons still edited
Rest In Peace brave souls

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Today's Featured Article
Dead sysop

In Memoriam

Is it with great sadness that Uncyclopedia must report the loss of two of the most beloved members of the Uncyclopedian Community. A day of mourning has been announced.

Todd "Howlin'" Lyons and Some "Fingers" User worked tirelessly for the betterment of others, and both in their own unique ways have improved and left their mark on the Uncyclopedia you see before you today. Their self sacrifice will long be remembered, and plans are underway to erect a fitting monument, the Tomb of the Unknown Contributor.

A minute's deletion is to be observed.

On this day...
July 26: Punch Your Girlfriend Day (Michigan)
  • 3400 B.C. - Cave man punch woman. then laugh
  • 589 - King Arthur declares himself King of England after usingExcalibur to hit his woman
  • 657 - Battle of Siffin. Theys was Diffin, yo. No I'm sayn, Bitch?
  • 790 - The practice of "back handing" starts in Europe as a cure for the women talking. It has a success rate of 80%.
  • 810 - The practice of "back handing" ends in Europe as reports of excessive clean houses increases.
  • 1521 - Famed prophet Nostradamus predicts that the King of England will have an affair and take the Queen of France as his mistress.
  • 1524 - Nostradamus's house gets egged by an angry mob as they find his prediction to be wrong and that the King of England does not take the Queen of France as his mistress, but the Prince of Germany.
  • 1536 - King Henry VIII of England takes Punch Your Girlfriend day to new extremes, by killing two of his wives.
  • 1590 - Martin Luther changes his "100 Thesis" to the "99 Thesis" by deleting the sentence, "Priests are not to be allowed to have relations with children."
  • 1792 - The Whiskey Rebellion is lost as George Washington and his troops march to fight off rebels while they were drunk singing "99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer. We take one down, pass it around, and 98 bottles of beer on the wall..."
  • 1812 - The War of 1812 starts as an 18 year old young British boy gets in a fist fight with a 12 year old American. The two nations get involved as they send reinforcements to help the children.
  • 1834 - The whoopie cushion is invented as a seat cover, but does not sell well for making "sounds of unwanted body gases."
  • 1870 - The typewriter is invented with only the keys Ctrl, Alt, and Delete.
  • 1956 - Harry Belafonte impregnated by deadly black tarantula . Shari Belafonte born among bunch of bananas.
  • 1966 - Bloblobo, king of Bababa, knights, Bob the salesmen for his studies in the field of OhmygodIforgottochangemyboxersology.
  • 1974 - A Scottish man is viciously attacked by an alien squid after mistaking the creature for his bagpipes. Several women are punched in the process.
  • 1988 - Reading in terror - Godzilla is born in the Royal Berkshire Hospital.
  • 1994 - O.J. Simpson takes "punch your girlfriend day" a step further.
  • 1997 - Peter Piper picks a peck of pickled peppers. Pfft!
  • 2000 - 35 people with the Y2K bug are hospitalized after having close physical contact with their computers.
  • 2007 - The Green Archers are beaten by The Blue Eagles, The Archers then punch their girlfriends for not cheering hard enough. The Eagles punch their girlfriends in ecstasy.
  • 2008 - Max Mosley celebrates "punch your girlfriend day". Dressed as a Nazi prison guard.
  • 2089 - Chuck Norris punches girlfriend. Wakes dentist and long-deceased great-great-great-great grandfather Odysseus.
  • 3001 - Justin Bieber's preserved remains finally hit puberty.
Word of the Day
Death
Try to use it in conversation.
Knowledge is power.
In the news
  • Oscar Wilde writes a poem showing what he thinks about the deaths of Some User and Todd Lyons(he misses them very much).
  • Editors of uncyclopedia.wikia.com die and appoint earwig-human hybrid to manage Recent News.
  • Jesus was revived. But Norwegian Space Ottars mistook him for a fish and buried him in their gardens. He died.
  • Gothic people slit their wrists and write tragic poems, nothing newsworthy there...
  • The emos commit mass suicide, but nobody cares...duh...
  • Mourners flow through the streets of New York in melodramatic fashion, demonstrating, parading, blocking traffic and inciting riots.
  • All Uncyclopedians are wearing black armbands.
  • The Japanese are comitting mass seppuku.
  • The British are maintaining a stiff upper lip. In France, rioting ensues.
  • Physicists at IITb publish a paper no one could understand. Basically they wanted 1 hour of strict mourning to be observed.
  • The State Department for Social Security will NOT pay successors' pensions to the relatives.
  • All the Russians are drunk. All the Dutch are stoned. Peyote use at an alarming high among Native Americans.
  • In the middle east the streets are full of women wailing loudly.
  • The Americans have organised a drive through service.

a duh /b/ was here

UnNews – Need a shoulder to cry on? Ask Cthulhu!

If anyone cares on a day like today...
*...that Kitten Huffing is a popular, though controversial, alternative to street drugs such as skag and crank?
  • ...that compromise is a great diplomatic tool?
    • ...although on an international level, a nuclear arsenal is even better?
Today's featured Tombstone
Porchesia-deleted

It was a sad sad day in the Mediterranean region, as thousands of Porchesians were incinerated by the Wikipedia adminatti, who deny the incident ever took place, and indeed, the existence of Porchesia.

Image Credit: RadicalX
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Writer and Noob of the Month
Wotm

Oh great....another award for Todd.....(mutters darkly)....lets all be pleased for him.....(mumble, mumble)..... It's a bird! It's a plane! It's....Todd Lyons! Blasting through his competition, Todd sails to the lead with Richard M. Stallman at his right and OCD in his head. ToddBot2000 by day and Article Mastermind by night, his genius speaks for itself.


Noobaward

"An incomparably superior human being," the Count of Monkey Crisco is known for his excellent work and knows it. Spawning such contributions as Midget cockpunching terrorists and an Evil Cookie Monster, the Count has left an indelible bootprint on the face of Uncyclopedia, forever.


Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners: 2005/2006 You only have 5 (Five) more days to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month, GET VOTING!!


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