Today's Featured Article
Is it with great sadness that Uncyclopedia must report the loss of two of the most beloved members of the Uncyclopedian Community. A day of mourning has been announced.
and Todd "Howlin'" Lyons worked tirelessly for the betterment of others, and both in their own unique ways have improved and left their mark on the Uncyclopedia you see before you today. Their self sacrifice will long be remembered, and plans are underway to erect a fitting monument, the Some "Fingers" User .
Tomb of the Unknown Contributor
A minute's deletion is to be observed.
On this day...
Punch-a-Donkey-for-Jesus Day, Gatesmas ( August 24: United States), Lysdexiac Awarenses Weke Ends
1456 - The printing of the Gutenberg Bible is completed by Steve Gutenberg.
1463 - Portuguese discovered to be mispronounced Spanish.
1561 - Willem of Orange marries duchess Anna of Sherbert.
1853 - Potato chips invented. This is hailed as a triumph, as it will finally permit people to get rid of the vast mountains of dip that clog the streets of Europe.
1898 - Earth discovered to have a caramel center.
1985 - Windows 95 is released.
1996 - Anniversary of Windows 95: the first Gatesmas. Consumers celebrate by showering gifts on Bill Gates' house, including old fruit, bricks, dead cats and plastic explosives.
1988 - Einstein formulates his award-winning theorem time=money.
1991 - Top astro-economists determine that Einstein's theorem time=money cannot be reconciled with the recent developments in quantum economics.
1997 - Speaking in front of 600,000 people in Washington, D.C., Phil Collins proclaims that he doesn't care anymore.
2001 - Samuel L. Jackson punches a donkey so hard that jesus decides to induct him into heaven Samuel declines the offer because jesus refuses to let him bring his trademark "Bad Mother Fucker" wallet.
2009 - George Bush arrested for poking badgers with spoons.
2011 - Barack Obama wins Donkey Punching award by simply sitting in the Oval Office. This is also how he won his Nobel Peace Prize.
2013 - Eeyore punches Winnie the Pooh, Jesus pissed.
Word of the Day
Death Try to use it in conversation. Knowledge is power.
In the news
writes a poem showing what he thinks about the deaths of Some User and Todd Lyons(he misses them very much).
Oscar Wilde of uncyclopedia.wikia.com die and appoint Editors -human hybrid to manage Recent News.
earwig was revived. But Norwegian Space Ottars mistook him for a fish and buried him in their gardens. He died.
Jesus people slit their wrists and write tragic poems, nothing newsworthy there...
Gothic The commit mass suicide, but emos nobody cares...duh...
Mourners flow through the streets of in New York fashion, melodramatic demonstrating, parading, blocking traffic and inciting riots.
All are wearing black armbands.
Uncyclopedians The are comitting mass seppuku.
Japanese The are maintaining a stiff upper lip. In British France, rioting ensues.
Physicists at publish a paper no one could understand. Basically they wanted 1 hour of strict mourning to be observed.
IITb The State Department for Social Security will NOT pay successors' pensions to the relatives.
All the are drunk. All the Russians are Dutch . Peyote use at an alarming high among stoned .
Native Americans In the the streets are full of women wailing loudly.
middle east The have organised a drive through service.
a duh /b/ was here
If anyone cares on a day like today...
*...that Witch-Hunting For Fun and Profit has mostly turned into Witch-Hunting For Fun in this modern era of cheaply produced Chinese assembly line witches?
Protected by Sacred Ground, and our Prayers.