Ronald McSatan

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

(Difference between revisions)
Jump to: navigation, search
m (Reverted edit(s) of Captain-Awesome (talk) to last version by 202.70.59.134)
Line 21: Line 21:
   
 
[[Category:McDonald's]] [[Category:Evil]] [[Category:Nightmares Made Flesh]] [[Category:Things that make Baby Jesus cry]] [[Category:People in Hell]] [[Category:Clowns]]
 
[[Category:McDonald's]] [[Category:Evil]] [[Category:Nightmares Made Flesh]] [[Category:Things that make Baby Jesus cry]] [[Category:People in Hell]] [[Category:Clowns]]
  +
[[Category:Satan]]

Revision as of 16:19, March 19, 2011

“Ronald? Oh yeah.. no relation, honest..”
~ Pennywise on Ronald McSatan
“When your a clown, nobody takes you seriously!”
~ Mel Gibson on Ronald McSatan


Ronald McSatan, also known by the names of the Clown-Prince Of Darkness and the Devourer Of Cash is one of the many faces of pure evil that haunt the universe - his presence is said to be so horrible that any who look upon his true-form for even a second will go irreversibly insane.. oddly enough he is not related to any of the Lovecraftian elder-gods so the insanity-inducing presence is clearly a case of blatant copyright-infringement, proving he's also a dick..

Origin

Ronald McSatan was born from the tortured soul of the first clown, created by God as a way to entertain children but quickly abandoned when he realised how horrifying the result was - funnily enough God would later create more clowns in a vain effort to try and improve upon his creation, but that's an entirely different story. At any rate the first clown was cast from the Heavens and fell to the pits of Hell where he quickly set up his own small but decidely wicked sector of sin known as McHell - where he rules to this day.

Clown-car

one of McSatan's loyal followers prepares for war against a rival King sect

Worship

Despite being virtually imprisoned in McHell Ronald has corrupted the minds of mortals via numerous fast-food temples devoted to himself or any number of his disguises - the golden arc of McSatan is a fearsome symbol of oppression and ruin as it mercilessly looms over a daily tide of followers who offer up sacrifices of cash to McSatan's high-priests in exchange for fatty foods and free defective toys for future worshippers to enjoy. Like all religions the cult of McSatan has rules - theirs being the daily consumption of McSatan's foodstuff and delivery of cash, which symbolises their willing surrender of the soul to the dark lord - the followers of McSatan are in fierce conflict with the rival hell-lord and destroyer of souls known as the King and many Burger Wars have erupted over the centuries as the two factions battle for supremecy.

Drunk

followers of McSatan engage in a bizarre ceremony after eating too many Big Macs, notice the sinister arc in the bacground

Personality

Ronald McSatan is best-known for his quote upon gaining control of McHell - in bold defiance of God and the angels he declared "I'm loving it!" and ever since his personality has been that of a cheerful sociopath, cheerfully mowing down the hopes and dreams of every man woman and child on Earth - he is an equal opportunity devil - hating all races equally, he is also an avid voter - namely for himself, claiming that while not perfect he may as well get voted for since at least he admits that he's evil.

Ronald-McSatan

Ronald-McSatan welcomes all visitors to McHell personally - he's just that nice

Powers

Ronald McSatan is said to have the ability to drain a man's wallet with but a thought and mutate a normally placid child into a ravenous monster with but a word - although in reality his seemingly endless power comes from the secret-ingredients used in his many foodstuff - nobody knows what the secret-ingredients are and it is rumoured that any foolish enough mysteriously vanish.

Personal tools
projects