From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Rome, the seat of the holy mafia, the grand pizza, and talking-with-your-hands people who annoy normal people. It is also known as the capital of drunk driving and Italy. Rome was built in a day of a week after a day of the Roman calendar of the second year in the first five years in the fifth thenth year of the Chinese calendar in the tenth year of the fifth decadence of the first century for the first millenium at the beginning of time, in a time that really doesnt exist and no one really gives a fuck, which is why they call it the eternal city. It is home to the most famous attractions like the Vatican, awesome monuments, museums, a fountain in which people foolishly throw their money into for no logical reason and the worlds oldest torture stadium. Rome was the capital of a nation that is more fucked up than Japan: Romania.
edit Ancient Rome
edit The Founding of Rome
Also known for the imense amount of videogame character immigrants. Rome, contrary to Popular Belief, was in fact founded and built in a day by Donkey Kong and the Super Mario Brothers when they were doing nothing and making people do their dirty work, such as preparing famous Italian dishes, like "stir fried pig bollcosm on a plate of sauce". Naturaly homeboys, Donkey Kong and the Mario bros (yes!, that includes Princess Peach!! or how else would they have populated the Roman empire?!!!), together known as Alfa-romeo, arrived from north africa on an illegal immigrant boat, fought the welfare state of Etruscan and eventually changed the history of the Italian europe forever. Romulan in between work shifts fathered the Romulan tribe, which later went on to trouble Captain Kirk, and the Roma. Uncle Remus did most of the work with a bluebird helping from his shoulder.
Romulan and Uncle Remus' parents had had both been trampled to death by a herd of large, Carthaginian elephants. Rome, like the proverbial elephants of fate, never forgot this affront to their Founding Fathers and expressed its outrage by being trampled to death by Hannibal Lecter and his herd of large, Carthaginian human-skin-wearing elephants nearly 500 years later. Thus having no home the infants Romulan and Uncle Remus were adopted by a she-wolf as part of an orphan relocation program. This in turn somehow resulted in a genocide of fauns and girls named Flora which served to inspire a popular Roman children's show called Koliseum Kidz.
The brothers rebelled in their teens in protest to having been subjected to emu music in their pimple-soprano years while the she-wolf was out stealing and pawning babies for a living. Their subsequent conversions, Romulan to Fascism and Uncle Remus to Shinto, put them at odds with their friend Mowgli. The solved by Mowgli's death at the hands of Jimmy Stewart, then a Polynesian headhunter.
Romulan and Uncle Remus left home, engaged in several legal battles, and decided to found their own city. However, this led to tragedy. The two brothers had sex with men during a dispute over naming their settlement. Uncle Remus wanted it to be called "B'rer Rabbit's Cajun Zydaco Steakhouse" whereas Romulan favored "New Delhi". An epic battle took place in which Uncle Remus attempted to pull a Double-Gladiator-Tar Baby Smackdown on Romulan to which Romulan himself replied with a Triple-Testudo-Centurian Belly-Bump Supreme. Romulan won and in a fit of pride named the fledgling city after himself thus beginning Rome.
Many cities today share some form of likeness with retarded oldsy Rome. well, it wasn't always old, was it? Like Washington, D.C., for example. In ancient Rome, which was build on 7 hills ( the 7th hill ), Capitol hill, was used to build a prison. Washington, D.C.'s Capitol hill is used now a days to harbor politicians. The likeness is almost uncanny. Some have noted that Istanbul, the famous turkey city, is built on seven hills but historians have pointed out that that doesn't count as it was deliberate.
edit The Roman Empire and Pants (Or No Pants)
Once they had a city built, the next thing the Romans decided to build was an Empire. Not having much creativity in thinking up names, they called it "the Roman Empire".
During the Imperial era, the Spartan army sent constant air raids on Rome. Rome answered back by dropping atom bombs on Greek cities. Sparta answered back by inventing the "britzkrieg" strategy (known as blitzkrieg to the Germans).
Most historians agree that the war of 1812+2 is most interesting. It showed how much the romans were able to completely dominate the Italian penisula. The first battle took part in Massachusetts, in Northern France. In the battle, Rome fought against Britain for no reason. The romans fought harshly and forced the British to retreat. The romans, being as sneaky as they were, decided to send a blimp to track the army's path using their new technologies such as GPS and PCI-Express. Now, Hannibal and the romans had no blood to feed on. They decided to invade England. entered the Euphrateez river, to England, they took up their rifles and began to shoot upwards in the air. Since the British came to see what the fuss was about, the bullets were carefully placed and planned by Hannible to fall onto the British soldier's heads. The plan was extremely successful and came to be known as guerilla warfare. The romans eventually came across British parliament and tore it to pieces. They went to town on it. In result, Paul Revere shouted through Rome and Calabria that the British were defeated. However, this was a complete lie. The War of 1812+2 continued.
edit Modern-Day Rome
The Rome of today is much different to the Rome of hundred of years ago. This is a relief for tourists who are now free to 'Rome' around pretending they actually know what happened in the city that long ago. Tourists now make up over 90% of the population of Rome the remainder being made up of Popes and a few genuine Italians. Rome was recently renamed by the Mario Party to "Rad Ruined Roma", although this has not caught on. Urban myths indicate that Rome is one of two places where "everybody knows your name," the other being the NSA. To become one of the tourists, just follow any road.
The restaurant industry of Rome has it's main revenue from exchanging forged bills to tourists. gaara
edit Rome and the Orange Order
Rome was the original Headquatres for the Orange Order, a collection of crazy facists who wear orange sahes and parade 365 days a year, wearing bowler hats and no underwear. In 1806, the order's HQ moved from Rome to Portadown in Northern Ireland after the order's members discovered that Rome was full of Catholics (who they hate)and that they all had an allergy to pasta. Rome rejoiced at the sight of the last Orangeman climbing the stairs of the Ryanair flight to Belfast and the city has smelled much more appealing ever since.
Since the city was colonized by tourists the only food available is pizza which is consumed in obscene quantities. Over 12,000 tonnes of pizza is eaten every day in Rome and the largest Pizza available weighs around 16 tonnes. This was only ordered once by Ronald Reagan in the mid 1980's and tragically collapsed during bakery killing 122 tourists and completely destroying the Coliseum in an incident known as The Leaning Tower of Pizza.
edit When in Rome behave like a Romanian
This advice given by the late Romanian Caesar, Julius the Brute, has been abide by many Japanese tourists to Romania and its beautiful capital Rome. The Japanese find Rome (after searching for it on Googre Ealth) highly attractive, especially after the fact that Roman in Japanese means "Low Man" - reminding them of their famous Japanese saying: "When in home, be have rike a low man."