Romania
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 Romanian Stuff |
- Please for the love of all things holy do not confuse with Rumania.
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Contents |
Geography
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| National motto: Capra vicinum intereo quoque ("May the neighbour's goat drop dead too!!") ) | |||||||
| Official language | C++, Jav(r)a, SQL, PHP and ASSEMBLY | ||||||
| Capital | Budapesta-> official capital- Buda(meaning toilet in romanian) and seat of government-Pesta(coming from the well known pig disease "pesta porcina") not to be confused with the hungarian gypsy camp with the same name(Budapest) | ||||||
| Securist-sef (Head of State) | Nicolae Vodcaroiu | ||||||
| Paharnic (Head of Government) | Calin-Popescu Trainiceanu ... or maybe not | ||||||
| National Heroes (Mythology) | Bula, Jiji Becali, Stefan the Great, Cojocea the Fatman, Tudor Fil, Bogdan Tudose, Condoleeza Ricescu, Vlad the Impaler, Alexander Jhoan Cuza and, apparently, Wesley Snipes | ||||||
| Independence | Not recognised by the Moldova Empire or by it's "neighbour & friend"(phrase often used by people in Romania so they don't have to pronounce the name of their western neighbour) country of Great Hungaristan,now "Ungaria Micul"("lil' Hungary" as one american put it on youtube,romanians liked this bad translation a lot and so they stayed with this) | ||||||
| Currency | Pula (please note 1 heavy pula = 10.000 old pula ; 1 heavy pula = 100 coi) see [1] | ||||||
| International Abbreviation | [RRO] aka Romania Rocks(the only good export commodity being rocks after the government "privatized" -aka gave away in shady deals- and closed all the factories), not to be confused with rrom(word for the ethnic majority in Hungaristan) | ||||||
| National anthem | "Dragostea Din Tei!" by Ozone | ||||||
| The unofficial national anthem | "Immigrant Song" by Led Zeppelin | ||||||
| National Holiday | The Floods | ||||||
| Religion | Ass-kissing (aka pupincurism) related to its "neighbour and friend" import & export HU-PL shampoo,HU-AL shampoo,HU-GER shampoo,etc. the reason why hungarians need so much shampoo(they don't have soap because "pesta porcina" killed all their pigs) with their friendships is the need to wash their mouth after the intense ass-kissing of poles,albanians,germans,croats,etc. | ||||||
Main Article: Geography of Romania
Romania is where her ancients left her (righ there, on the map, on the left of the Black Sea, in Sub-Saharan Africa).
The Perish County
The great asphaltation of the Peris county
Due to the increase number of the cart-type motorized vehicles, the Perish county major ordered the black people of the Moldova cannabis plantations to dig holes in the Perish streets and cover them with asteroids. The asphaltation oddyssey continues as we speak and will probably go on until the next alien scheleton is found under the digged holes.
Smarandescu aka Lecitina
Historical Perish figure known for his ability to forget his car in Bucharest and then report to the police that it was robbed by gypsies. Also known for his psychic abilities to make his wife disappear.
Churches
Not yet built, but old women pray to the indian rain deity. All the other Ilfov villages have churches except this one. The Balteni church is said to be hosting Vlad the Impaler remains. Sometimes at night he gets out of his hiding place and attacks the few remaining virgins of the area, mostly kindergarten chicks and hot barely legal pussies.
Local fauna
Most of the Ilfov county inhabitants are gypsies and prodigious businessmen who meet at night in the local brothel. The gypsies are famous for their marketing abilities to buy steel and empty bottles (aka ‚Sticle goale cumpaaaar’).
History
Main article: History of Romania
The Romanians teach their little cute kids that their ancients, some brave people, established ~2500 years ago a country called 'Dacia' (now, Dacia is just a no-name car brand, made mainly by Renault - the lady cars company). Well, at that time, Dacia was also a brand too, (their country's brand) and this people (called 'daci' by the romans) loved the brand so badly, that they dared to fight romans when those wanted to attach Dacia to the Roman Empire, thus Dacia brand disappearing and letting others think that 'Roman' whas a more famous brand. So, as I was telling you, they did fight, and they kept doing it until the real brand won (surprise): the romans! BUT our story goes on. The brand 'Dacia' survived (and we conclude that the war had no reason), but the difference was that the romans mixed up with the 'daci', and so, later, over centuries, when the Roman Empire died, a new brand had risen: 'Romania'. Isn't that lovely?(btw I'm stupid and don't read many books,that is why it was a shocker when someone told me that the roman empire was also named Romania) I can't imagine how that comes, that those ancient daci accepted this rebranding process(probably the same as everyone else some say). But I have to accept that it happened... Well, later on, in order to save their new name, the brand-new(old?) 'romanians' had to keep fighting all those who thought that 'Romania' is a too nice name or that it names a too nice country. Probably this is why Romania is so poor now (poor romanians!): they had to fight for keeping the brand :( And here, my story ends. The romanians still live somewhere hiding around The Carpathians (you know those, don't you?), being happy but especially proud that they could keep the name,of course such stories can be found in South America and all over the former latin empires,but life wouldn't be cool and fun if no one contested this,that is why a proud people why no idea of who they are or where they came from or what language they speak decided to re-brand history according to their Unicum induced hallucinogenic visions,of course the rest of the world is in agree with the romanian brand but as I said it wouldn't be fun if God didn't do something about it(because of sheer boredom or accident) and invented the hun-who-care-ians also known as magyars,or magari as they are sometimes known to the romanians when they make excesses of Unicum.
Religion
The Romanians are a very religious culture, their main activity is calling God in their life. Romanians also look to God for help. The best way to show their religious belief is to get into crowded churches and stare at other people's clothes, this activity happening especially at Christmas and Easter. After that one must discuss each piece of clothing in enclosed circles determined by age and social position. This ritual is extremely hard and therefore the best ones at it are midle aged men and women who stand in front of their house all day, on little chairs and thus can compare the street style with the church style.
The visit to the church is made more interesting by the constant danger of being burned "unintentionately" of course with a candle, get your money stolen or get hit with a piece of firework. Romanians are a very adventuresome nation and they like the thrill of going to church in dangerous conditions.
Romanians are so religious that they mainly use the word God or it's associates (if they don't use the so popular muie or pula) in everyday life. For instance, let us say that you can't find your wallet. Then, a ritualistic invocation of God is needed: "Unde pula mea l-am pus?! Futu-i Dumnezeii lui de portofel!!!" (Where could I have put my wallet? God help me find it, so I can introduce it to the pleasures of anal sexual intercourse, please!)
Another highly religious expression is <'tulai Doamne!> (Untranslateable in this form, but linked to the word God=Doamne). This is a derrived of <Futu-l-ai Doamne!>, which means "May God give you the best of luck so that you may enjoy the pleasure of sexual intercorse in the near future".
Romanians are so religious that each holiday is celebrated by ingesting high alcohol quantities, until each and every person in a village or city is closer to God. We are proud of drinking red wine, which makes us feel that much close to our Saviour. The connection is obvious to any true priest but they were too drunk to answer our questions at the time this article was written...we will pursue the case and anounce you.
It is also very common to invoke the Saints, the ancestors, other higher beings and especially the symbol of christianity: the cross! Common expressions are like "Futu-ti crucea matii!" (May the holy cross watch over your mother) or "Rupe-se-ar cailor lu' Dumnezeu hamurile cand imi trag pula din mata!" (May God's horses have a nice day, and may your mother be fertile and happy.)
Misa is the main Romanian religious cult. This religion is a form of yoga and hardcore sex, practiced by over 98% of the population. A couple hundred people gather in a place called the fuckers' grounds and they starting having wild sex with each other.
The whole process is lead by The Guru, a highly important figure in Romania. Many people love this man and teach their children to be just like him; he recently published a book "How to love your neighbour, from behind" which was declared a best-seller in the first weekend, and over 1 million copies sold in the first week. Of course, The Guru donated all those earnings to the victims of incorrect copulation, which happen fairly often in the cult, due to the excess use of drugs and wine.
The Guru is also known as IPS Teoctist. He is a former bulldozer driver, now converted to the state of church-constructor. Regarding its megalomany, a quote defines it: "My limit is the sky!", limit which he intend to reach by constructing a church in the centre of Bucharest. The church plans revealed that the saint's faces painted on the church were all his face, subtile arranged with Adobe Photoscrot.
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