Rolls Royce

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A Rolls Royce

Rolls Royce is a British car manufacturer which also makes jet engines for an unknown reason. It was founded in 1666 by Sir Edward T. Drinker in England. Rolls Royces are known for their unbelievably luxurious interiors which often include 70 inch Samsung UHD tv's or 24 karat golden buttons to control the temperature of your minifridge which comes prefilled with beer.

These cars are very popular with tuners, billionaires and Instagram accounts that beg for likes. Rolls Royce is owned by BMW and owns Bentley, Morgan and Durex.

edit Cars


This is a semi-functional Rolls Royce.

Rolls Royce is mostly popular for their cars. The models that are available currently include the Phantom, Ghost and the Wraith. These all have 'suicide doors' which have caused 98,5% of car door injuries because people keep forgetting it all the time.


A Rolls Royce Ghost.

edit Phantom

The Phantom is probably the most popular of the current models, mostly because it has a full diamond edition and a chinese edition. And 790 other editions in total. The most popular, however, is by far the Zimbabwe edition.

The Phantom comes with wheels, a chassis, and everything. And that is including a Didn't impress people? Money back guarantee (in the case you didn't impress people and you want your money back). Optional choices are a full rack of Rock 'n Roll music CD's, a roll of toilet paper and a pack of tootsie rolls.

edit Ghost

The Ghost is like a smaller version of the Phantom. Originally it was called the Alive, but when the amount of incidents with ghost drivers running over toddlers, cyclists and presidental candidates increased, the name was changed to ghost because it suited the situation more with all the people getting hit with it. There have been reports recently about people who owned a Ghost and it suddenly disappeared. This is most likely due the fact this is a Ghost car.

edit Wraith

The Wraith is a luxury coupé and takes two parking spots. The Wraith has been praised for that because this is a perfect excuse to park like 'an asshole' (as the public says). It comes with a jacuzzi finished with polished gold elements and Tom Cruise to drive you around.

edit Jet engines


The great Trent 5943.

Rolls Royce also makes jet engines. Those are known to be experts of sucking in birds and hilariously cutting them in small pieces. This is also the most acceptable reason why Edward T. Drinker began to produce jet engines, because he liked seeing dead birds (according to some sources). However, there is not much material found to support this theory.

edit The Trent 5943

Qantas is a commercial airline, which flies people to places all around India. Their biggest plane, the A380, flew out in 2001 which had several failures in the system when one of the jet engines exploded due to one little piece of metal. This was a big fiasco for Rolls Royce, because that failure meant they had broke the record per month with 254 failures. The following is a quote from the CEO of Rolls Royce (Steve Ballmer) in direct response to the disaster:

'We're very sorry to hear that our systems have failed once again. We would like to give you guys a gift card worth twenty pounds. Or anything from the McDonalds breakfast menu.' (...)

edit The Rolls Royce Restrictions (RRR)


People participating in the free course Rolls Royce provides.

When you buy a car from Rolls Royce, The Official Prevention Of Poor People Driving Rolls Royces (TOPOPPDRR) kicks in. Information about the wished car and the person who wants to purchase it is being sent to this organisation where it is analyzed carefully. This information includes:

  • The time of purchasing;
  • The wished colour;
  • The price of the car;
  • The status in society from the buyer;
  • The amount of golf the buyer plays;
  • The amount of tea the buyer drinks.

If the TOPOPPDRR agrees with the sale, the buyer gets to buy unlimited Rolls Royces when showing the official Rolls Royce ownership certificate. The buyer also gets a course of 'how to drive a Rolls' for free.

edit See also

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