Rodents

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

“Akash is tasty and he is a rat. dildos when all your other dildos get stuck in your girlfriend's ass, I agrre akash is tasty !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11 he is a complete queer who likes to spend his time hiding under the floor borads as everybody in the worlds hates his guts as he is a complete dufus who can go home and suck his dads penis”

~ Oscar Wilde on Rodents HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH go back to your dustbin

Rodents are recognized as the small animals who make nests out of your garbage. The shelf life of a rodents is 2-3 (hours). For best results, store your rodent in a cool, dark place and be sure to feed it a nutritious diet of hobos regularly.

[edit] Mechanism of Action

Large rodent with weapon

For many years the hamsters erratic behaviour has baffled scientific minds. The only way known to humans to calm a hamster down is to sedate it.. or just simply use a very simple, but skillful method called 'Mind Clicking'. 'Mind Clicking' is a skill only known by some humans that have reached spiritual enlightenment, it requires the user of it to quickly put their tongue against the top of their mouth while opening their vocal chords to make a unique noise, this unique noise was displayed in the 2002 movie, 'Signs' as the form of communication between the aliens of the story indicating 'Mind Clicking' was a superior means of communication. This method which originated from ancient Mayans of the 'Darksnort' cult, used this method to connect their minds with hamsters and beings alike. 'Mind Clicking' activates a link between the users mind and the hamster who the user is attempting to communicate with which allows them to know each others thoughts. Scientists put 'Mind Clicking' in the same category as unnatural phenomenon as telekinesis.

Being that rodents are three legged creatures, they are known to be prime legged. These creatures are rare, and are coveted by the FCC, or Federal Communications Commission. Contrary to popular belief that rodents are actually four legged creatures, they actually have three legs and one tail. The thing behind the tail is, infact, a penis, for females, it is the nipple. People confuse the tail for a leg. The tail is considered a delicacy in certain third world countries. max is cool

[edit] History

[edit] Early history

Rodents managed to kill half the world's population back in 555 AD. But amazingly Canada wasn't affected due to the high Maple Syrup intake. Obviously, this means they're smarter than us. See also Jesus.

[edit] Mice,rats and other pests

Kenny is the main source of nutrition for most rodents.

Rodents traveled from the Old World to the New World with Christopher Columbus when he began directing those adorable Harry Potter movies. Once Columbus docked, the first rodent sprung from his flesh and began to multiply.

Diseases carried from rodents from this incidence included the Black Plague, AIDS, and the need of small children everywhere to bother their parents about procuring a hamster which they will later use for deviant sexual practices.

Efforts have been made to eradicate rodents from the earth, including the Great Rat Purge of 1977, but scientists insist that they need these wretched vectors of sin for their "research work."

Certain of the more sadistic workers of the Centre of Science and Industry in Columbus, Ohio have actually managed to train rodents to play basketball, presumably by electrocuting the tiny beasts every time they missed a basket.

[edit] People with low Charisma points

Another use for the word rodent is to describe those losers in the cafeteria who wore big t-shirts and stonewashed jeans long after it was culturally acceptable to do so.

Rodents have usually evolved into dipshits by the time they reach high school, and in their college years are known as tools. Once dropping out of college, they usually end up as the shit-stains angry at the world occuping jobs that are usually held by rodents. In example, test subjects, snake-food, and human sacrafices to flying gypsies. 

It is adviseable to stay away from these rodents, at all costs

[edit] Australian Folklore

There is a wild creature in Austrailia called the The Giant Black Albino Austrailian Three Headed Man Eating Fire Breathing Winged Rodent. It is a giant fierce beast which has since been dormant for the past 500 years. It lives a big giant cave. In the old times the wild beast would come out and burn a couple people just in malice. They say it was. [1] this is not the Giant Black Albino Austrailian Three Headed Man Eating Fire Breathing Winged Rodent

[edit] Rat Island, Alaska

Recently, fish and game wardens found there are no longer any rats on the island after 230 years of record keeping. Then a huge giant mutated monster came about and ate the wardens for dessert. The US armed forces used to conduct nuclear testing on the island in the 1950's, so that explains everything. The news story seemed boring...and it needed to have nuclear test references.

[edit] See also

• Sub-human
• Internet dorks
• Common Household Pests
• Sir Hamsterlot