Rod Blagojevich
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Psst. You. Yeah, you. Come on, don't stare at me like that. Listen, I got a little offer for you. Something really useful for you. What? No, don't look at me like that.
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What are you getting at?
Come on now, "getting at" is such a harsh term. I've got this fucking valuable thing, and I can't just give it away for nothing. A good old colored friend of mine is giving up a position in power. I'm supposed to "appoint" his replacement. That's where you come in. (Oh, really, fuckstick?) HEY! Don't call me fuckstick! Got that, shit for brains?
Sorry, you want me to bribe you?
What? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I would never consider bribing. Let's just say it's empty, and I've got to fill it in. Let's also say, with a little push, you might have an "influence" on my decision. (You don't influence me at all, fuckstick!) HEY!!! I told you don't call me a fuckstick, got that, you moron?
Wait a minute? Is this legal?
Legal? Kid, you've got a lot to learn. In my line of work, well, it isn't "legal", but we haven't gotten caught, so it isn't really ILLEGAL, hmm? Just stop sweating like a pig, there. Don't worry, we're all buddies here. (I'm not sweating like a pig, fuckstick, & I'm not your buddy!) HEY!!! Listen, fuckface! You call me a fuckstick one more time & I'm gonna jam my Glock.45 up your ass & blow your fucking brains out! You got that?
That's it! I'm calling the police!
WHOA! take it easy there, tiger. There's no need to get hasty. Besides, no one has to know. It doesn't matter if you're not interested. I've got a few Benjamin Franklins that say you'll keep your mouth shut. Hey, what are you getting out that phone for? You're not gonna do it, are you? *Sigh* I always hate when it comes to this. Too bad, kid. You and me coulda ruled Chicago.
Well, pal, whose the fuckstick now?...Hey, wait a minute? What's this? You're wired! You were recording me! FUCKING MORAN!!!!! YOU WERE RECORDING ME THE WHOLE GODDAMN TIME! HOLY SHIT! The FBI is going to arrest my ass for all this! GODDAMMIT!!!!! I'M FUCKED!!!!I'M REALLY FUCKED BIG TIME!!!!!
(Police sirens & bullhorn sounds in the backround)
Hey, wait a minute? You're alive? You had a bulletproof vest on? You were uncover this whole time, were you? AH, SHIT! YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE! You're gonna pay for this! I Swear when I get out of the joint, I will fucking hunt you down & rip your nuts out so that I can shove them up your fucking goddamn ass! You haven't heard the last of me! I will get you for this! I WILL FUCK YOU UP BIG TIME!!!! (So long, fuckstick! Nice knowing you.)
