Rocko's Modern Life
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“Mama F*** Mia! Jumping Jellyfishes! (Spanish:¡Medusas Saltarinas!)”
Rocko's Modern Life was a cartoon broadcast on Nickelodeon from 1993 to 1996. Due to their tendency to cancel their shows that are actually good, its creator, Joe Murray, betrayed the network The Protagonist Rocko Is A Lost Brother For SpongeBob SquarePants.
Rocko's Modern Life was born from Joe Murray's fits of boredom, where he would draw cartoons of his surroundings (bacteria and people arguing about the mashed potato theorem). He pitched a baseball about these things to Nickelodeon, which turned it down because they thought it would get children to emulate these behaviors.
However, one fateful day in October, Joe Murray came up with a new idea: Change everyone to animals, and make them do interesting things! (Wow.) He pitched it to those stupid braindead naysayers, and they accepted it.
Voiced by Peter Gabriel. This young adult wallaby had a troubled time in life. He is made out of tacos and was born in 1979 to parents who wished to remain anonymous. An Australian not acting Australian enough (see below), Rocko served as the President of Toowoomba Predatory School for Sexy Young Things just as The Wallaby Scandal rocked the school. Unfortunately, some people weren't too happy about The Wallaby Scandal of '89, such as Dingo, who, in a minor fit of unpleasant emotions, murdered Rocko's parents and sister. Then, after Dingo was arrested, and sentenced to be banished to an island that is as far away from the fatherland as possible, the frightened wallaby was sent to the United States by the witness protection program.
“Dammit, Rocko! Don't you ever, EVER look at me funny like that AGAIN!”
“Dammit, Rocko! Why don't you ever look at me during sex?!”
“Im sorry Mate, you're not Australian enough, though you are Australian.”
Several years later, he became an eternally-abused cashier, having sodas and hot coffee thrown in his face; a telephone mating counselor; a highway decongestant; a plumber's assistant; high-ranking member of the Soviet Socialist Party; a co-creator of the critically-acclaimed television series, Wacky Deli; and a high fashion model for the wife of Victor Yeltosky. When he found that Dingo was coming over to the States to visit him, he, with the help of Heffer and Filburt, learned the art of self-defense. Rocko was finally able to defeat his arch enemy after hours upon hours of intense fighting. Needless to say, Dingo didn't last for one second....it took a few hours (see previous sentence) before he finally submitted. He is Spongebob's father and Stimpy's son.
Voiced by Rob Reiner. Heffer, a slim yet fatass cow who is a complete maniac when it comes to healthful eating: insisting upon eating only the healthiest foods, and making sure that others do the same. He wasn't always this way; there is a reason why he is such a health nut. Back in the day, the only thing he ever ate were bags of "Pasture Puffies". But then, one fateful day, he received a heart attack from eating one too many plastic/foil bags, thus causing a necessary trip to the emergency room. Upon getting there, Rocko, Filburt, and Mr. Bighead miraculously nursed him back to health with flashbacks of their fond memories of Heffer.
He was born in 1981, and was raised by wolves, after his biological father had to flee the country for unknown reasons. The wolves that raised Heffer taught him how to play various popular sports, such as chicken wrangling: A dangerous sport usually enjoyed by Bette Midler.
A nudist and existentialist at heart, he eventually grew up and went to live in Des Moines, Iowa. After an odd incident involving a pear, he moved to City 17 out of shame. Since then, Heffer held many illustrious professions, such as serving as a member of the Philadelphia Police Department; serving healthy, gourmet cuisine when he served as a waiter at the world-renowned, upscale restaurant, Chokey Chicken; masterfully making the critically-acclaimed television show, Wacky Deli, with Rocko and Filburt; engaging in various outdoor activities with other Weasel Scouts during his days as a Weasel Scout; and being the second high fashion model of Calvin Klein. In City 17, as he was performing with renowned musician, Phil Latio, he was aroused when a metrocop tazered his buttocks. He now lives in a nudist colony. where he can bare his big fat ass in peace.
Voiced by Steve Hackett: Filburt, a turtle, was downloaded from the computer at 5:21 pm on July 7, 1987. In a flashback explaining his origin in "The Filburt Effect", Rocko and Heffer were bored out of their MINDS that day, and decided to do something freaky. They mixed ketchup, mustard, melted chocolate and Kool-Aid mix, and put it in the computer. Suddenly, weird things happened. Lights blew out. The Cold War finally ended. Then, Filburt emerged from the chaos.
Filburt grew out of these behaviors eventually, and started to act more "normal". It is widely accepted that Filburt is weird.
Voiced by Jean Stapleton: Rocko's anxiety-ridden dog. During a brief nervous breakdown, Spunky repeatedly sexed Rocko's mop until the local psychiatrist snatched the mop from Spunky and proceeded to watch Debbie Does Dallas while snuggling with the mop. Spunky may have some sort of sexual desire for all inanimate objects, as he proceeded to have sex with the fire hydrant and many other household objects. This dog is the idol of a large club of animated bestiality lovers, consisting mostly of the editors of Uncyclopedia.
Voiced by Phil Collins: A toad who is actually a depressed genie. He has overdosed himself through course of the show. The Princess who found him, namely Bev had decided to free him by smashing his lamp which contained his junk which was HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE at the time! they got it on and somehow they spawned Ralph Bighead. If your wondering why their toads, uh, well Bev sorta said the wrong magic word if ya catch my drift, during one night of hot sex with Paris Hilton in a threesome, she was supposed to say GIVE DA DOG UR FOOD!, but said toad by mistake, partly becasue she's French/Asian, so as a result, the bigheads became toads permenantly. his depression? after soooo many years his large elephant junk shrank to tadpole size (meaning a tadpoles dick, not a whole tadpole. Sucks to be him!).
- None here, go read this instead.