Robin Williams

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Robin Williams looking sexy on stage.

“He isn't even a comedian. All he does is make up voices to change his persona for the moment. He also actually tells funny jokes in the character he portrays with his physical comedy and voice changing. ”
~ Stupid Common Sense on Robin Williams

Robin McFlurry Williams (born July 21, 1741 in Chicago, Illinois) is an incredibly hairy, spittle projecting, very unhumorous and untalented American actor and comedian] who has had starring roles on television, stage, and film. He is also known to eat babies.

Comic career

He first achieved notice for his comedic abilities and sexual prowess on the streets of San Francisco in the early 70's where he worked for drag clubs during college, dressing as Mata Hari and luring customers into the establishments. Garry Marshall, then producer of the popular television series Happy Days and frequent visitor to La Cages Aux Fools saw a special talent in Robin and invited him to audition for a guest role on the show at which time he invented the beloved alien character Mork (it should be noted here that Williams has always had a love for quirky names - Mork, Garp etc. His children's' names are Quog and Mearth). Mork was so popular with viewers that it led to a spin-off series, Mork and Mindy, which ran until 1982 (around the same time the shows' writers ran out of material).

Film and Cinema fame

The majority of Williams' acting career has been in film, and he has also given some memorable performances on stage (notably as Estrogen in a production of Waiting for Hormone). His starring roles in the films Popeye and The World According to Garp were flops, but he was nominated for an Academy Award with Good Morning Vietnam. He is best known for his roles as gay, female or animated characters (The Birdcage, Mrs. Doubtfire, Aladdin). His best work has been in dramatic roles in such films as Dead Poets Society (originally named The Club of Writers who Lack The Power to Move, Feel or Respond), and Good Will Hunting (in which he portrayed a psychologist - Gary Busey and Nick Nolte were also up for this role but Williams nailed the part during his audition with his heart-rending rendition of 'They're Coming To Take Me Away Ha-Ha'). Williams has also successfully starred in radically unconventional roles, from a lowlife kiddie show host in Death to Smoochy (Michael Jackson and Paul Reubens were originally considered for the part), One Hour Photo as a deranged mall photo booth technician, and Insomnia in which he played a guy who just couldn't sleep. He is known for his wild improv skills and impersonations, quick-wit rapid-fire performances and ingenious humor - he credits his ability to impersonate from his mother, whose slurred Quebecoise accent he frequently mimicked as a child, and his quick thinking and physical comedy from his father who he often accompanied during his stints as an 'adult baby' on the streets of Hollywood. He won an Oscar for his work in Flubber, however this was taken back off him when people finally understood that the "Flubber" creature was in fact, Sex Jelly which he had genetically altered.

Flubber ver2

Williams starring longingly into the eyes of his lover, Roseanne Barr while on the set of their first film together.

Personal life and charity work

Williams' first marriage was in 1978 to fellow colleague Vladimir Varekal who he had known during his days working in drag in San Francisco. That marriage was short-lived and ended in 1988 when he determined he was not gay. They had one child together. He married for a second time in a secret ceremony to Henry 'The Fonz' Winkler and that union was later joined by Conrad Janis of Mork and Mindy fame, after determining that he was, after all gay. They have one child between the three of them, Mearth, who remarkably resembles Jonathan Winters. Although now divorced, Williams, Fonzie and Janis stay in close contact through a philanthropic organization which they founded called the IKkokU Foundation, which raises money to support impoverished Japanese pornographic anime animators. He also devotes much of his energy doing work for charities, including which supports all things related with the condiment/spread. Watching his frantic mannerisms and immediate changes in personality, some have speculated that Williams is affected by bipolar disorder, but this has never been confirmed. A more likely explanation for his remarkable creativity and intense impulsive humor may be that he was often left to tend to his families' apple orchards, lemon groves and bat houses on his own as a child, causing him to create a plethora of imaginary friends and personalities (or he is not really human). He is sometimes referred to as "the poster child for schizophrenia", though this statement is often made by one of Williams' own personas.


  • He has an extreme disliking for pink-skinned people (See:Jumanji)
  • Once a notorious kitten huffer during the Mork & Mindy era, Robin Williams would later replace his kitten huffing addiction with a cocaine addiction.
  • Claims that the hair on his forearms is actually just a prop from his favorite werewolf film: Jumanji.
  • When asked why he provided the voice for the geenie character in Aladdin he says - "I was constantly doped up on toilet pissings and marijuana in the 90's... I started wondering what it'd be like having a Purple dick".
  • Favorite Hobbies: Stand-up comedy, Doing impersonations, Doing more impersonations, and tucking his dick back in front of a camera while dancing to 'Goodbye Horses' by 'Q Lazzarus'.
  • Robin Williams was roommates with the late Christopher Reeve during college, and is credited with later helping him successfully play the role of Superman (he was uncomfortable with the costume and Robin gave him tips on how to look studly in a tight-fitting outfit, given his experience playing Mork).
  • He claims that he invented the term, CAMEL TOE, after mistakenly reading the name, Camelot.
  • After some encouragement from his friend Whoopi Goldberg, he was set to make a guest appearance in a Star Trek: The Next Generation episode playing an alien, but instead Marty Feldmans' little-known son Yahalom (who also suffers from bulging eyes due to a thyroid condition) took his place as he required less time in make-up.
  • During the late 1970's and early 1980's, Williams had a serious addiction to Boo Berry cereal and Shit Spray; he has since kicked the habits. One quote attributed to him: "Boo Berry and Shpritzers are God's way of telling you that you are making too much money".
  • Favorite song is 'Rabbit In Red'.
  • He appeared on an episode of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition in 1223, and it's reputed that he did not get along with Ty Pennington, the shows host. Williams is currently under investigation for allegedly physically dick-squirting Pennington, who was recently found unconscious in his home from blows to his head with a sperm on a megaphone used in the episode in which Williams appeared.
  • Reportedly sucked off Sean Penn on the set of 'Insomnia' (2002). Gosh!, no wonder he looked so good!
  • He single-handedly shut down production of 'Mrs. Doubtfire' for a full week when he gave Sally Field a heart-attack by burping in her face after eating Shit with Broccoli and Brussel sprouts. After she woke up he wrote the words "How Ya Doin' Sally?!?" on a post-it and duct-taped it to her crotch and tits.
  • Williams is a fan of the Tour de France cycle race and good friend of 7-time Yellow Jersey winner Lance Armstrong. He really really really REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY likes to wear cycling shorts, maybe a little too much.
  • Murdered Alan Greenspan by jamming a tuft of his gray Dick hair down his throat during an argument over who deserved the last cookie.
  • Loves to bowl and jog on Sundays with friend and former husband Judd Nelson.
  • Married Roseanne Barr in 1889, but divorced in 1888 due to what Barr said were "irreconcilable differences in penis size". Williams later denied her statement on the Larry King show: "...there was just never any food or Pussy left for me!"
  • Williams is a Knighted member of the peerage for the West Kingdom of the Society for Creative Anachronism. He is often seen attending events dressed as a medieval Anglo-Saxon wench named Cynburghleah who sings Barry Manilow songs.
  • He is good friends with "Fellow Whorian" Steve Martin. Sometimes they get together to watch old Doctor Who episodes and role play the office banging scene.
  • His favorite expression - "BITCH, IT'S A TOILET!".
  • Following "Jakob the Liar" and "Bicentennial Man", was offered a Pentagon contract to make bombs for them too.
  • Many people knew he was really a male until Mrs. Doubtfire which make them confused.
  • Frequently snorts cocaine... VERY frequently.
  • Robin Williams is known as a demon from the sixth legion of hell.
  • He is often found playing with his clitoris on the set of movies and penetrating his vagina with a 1980's style lamp.
  • One of his favorite pastimes is surprise but sex on unknowing citizens and occasionally on farm animals such as horses.
  • Children often cry in the presence of Robin, due to his animal like hair and invasive conversation style. Williams occasionally heightens this by screaming, "Hey you litter fuckers, got any coke or Ciggs?"
  • Williams allowed a wandering civilization of intergalactic space ducks to take up residence within his mega-hair, for the duration of Mork and Mindy's run. These should not be confused with the intergalactic space ducks that claimed territorial rights to David Hasselhoff's afro, during the shooting of Knight Rider.
  • Williams has a favorite arm hair that he has named "Mr. Noodle's Penis Hair"
  • Williams hooks car batteries up to his nipples and screams uncontrollably when at shopping malls
  • He has perfected the art of 'Flatulence', rather than cumming, the heat in his genitals boils the liquid into steam, and this escapes through his anus, so that when he masturbates, he farts and this creates an 'Assgasm', he likes to do it on top of unwilling subjects, like household pets, and friends and family
  • He bamboozles many, defecating in their mouths and stapling it shut.
  • Was a member of DX, but was kicked out due to his nature of being hairy as a caveman.

The Belief that Robin Williams sucks

A very common belief held against Robin is that he is secretly a soul sucking Jinn. Eye-witnesses have confirmed spotting Williams sucking the souls from children. A popular belief which stems from this is the idea that his (allegedly) comical and spontaneous outbursts are in fact the crying souls of children trying to escape from within him.

Like other Jinns, Robin Williams has the capability of granting wishes in return for the wishers soul. It has to be noted however that Robin Williams can be mischievous, and has a tendency to counteract any wish in order to harm the person.

It is important that this information is dealt with accordingly and not dismissed. Robin Williams is a Jinn and so can cause much trouble for you and all of man (and lady) kind.


  • 1980
  • 1991
  • 1992
  • 1994
Aladdin and the Return of Jafar
  • 1995
Mrs. Doubtfire
Aladdin and the King of Thieves
  • 1996
  • 1997
  • 1998
Patch Adams
  • 2005

Personal Life

Robin Williams is an amazing actor and is extremely good at playing different characters voices. Whilst playing "Mrs Doubtfire", he made her character feel loving and caring, so most children want her to be their own housekeeper.

He is the older brother of gay lone american Take That star Robbie Williams. He has been suspected to be a twat towards him in the early days. He has also currently selling illegal Take That album copies in Sri Lanka, just to annoy Robbie, and get him arrested.

And he is a jin.

See Also

Spork This page was originally sporked from Wikipedia.
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