Roberto Duran

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“Usted estupido hijo de puta! (you stupid son-of-a-bitch!)”

~ Duran's mother after he quit against Ray Leonard

Durán Durán (born June 16, 1951), renamed Roberto after a band of the same name, is a retired head-basher from Panama, widely regarded as one of the great freaks of all time due to his infamous birth defect, i.e., glove-size stones in place of hands. Because of this birth-defect he turned to Boxing and during his career he was nicknamed "Manos de Piedra", "Hands of Stone".^[1]

Starting his career at Atom-weight, he grew heavier and over the years he held world titles at five different weights - Atom-weight, Molecule-weight, Ant-weight, Junior-superweight, and eventually ended his career as a Super-weight.

Duran was the only boxer to have fought in six different time zones at the same time on the same day. At the height of his career Duran was greatly feared by Sugar Ray Leonard and most everyone else, except for Don King (who took all of Duran's money) and Thomas Hearns who knocked Duran into a coma with just one sucker punch. Duran had a professional record of 2,328 fights, 2,325 wins with 2,325 KOs, against 3 losses.

Contents 1 History 2 Ray Leonard Fiasco 3 Moves up in weight 4 Bauer Fiasco 5 Loss to Hearns 6 KO King 7 Appearances in film 8 Retirement 9 Final Record 10 Roberto Duran Facts 11 References 12 External links 13 See also

[edit] History

Born in the nameless slums of Panama City, Panama to a Panamanian hooker and The Rock of Gibraltar, he had his first professional fight in 1967.^[2] After his debut he won three hundred seventeen fights in a row, culminating in his first title bout in 1972, where he smashed Pat Buchanan at Madison Square Garden for the WBA world atom-weight championship. Duran completely crushed the head of Buchanan in the first round killing him instantly^[3].

Duran continued holding his title winning 1,467 non-title matches against push-overs, all by first round KO. He was known to fight as often as 25 times per day. Later that year, in another non-title bout, he lost a ten second decision to Jesus, son of Mary. Duran got back on track successfully defending his title against Pat Robertson, Hector Macho, and former atom-weight champion Guts Suzuki. In 1974, Durán would avenge his loss to Jesus with a brutal first punch split-decision.

Overall Durán made six hundred and seventy-seven successful defenses of his title (all by head shattering), his final defense coming in 1978 when Durán fought a third fight with Jesus, a Unification Church match where Durán was finally converted to accept the love of Joe Pesci. Durán would give up the atom-weight title in February 1979, after having knocked out a bull elephant with a single stone punch for a Nike advertisement.

[edit] Ray Leonard Fiasco

Vacating the atom-weight title was a build up for an attempt at the molecule-weight title. Duran used his stone hands to club to death 1,321 boxers before winning the molecule-weight title from champions Carl Palomino and Zef Gonzales (at the same time), setting up a title bout against then undefeated ant-weight champion Sugar Ray Leonard.

The venue chosen would be the Olympic Stadium in Tibet. Duran hated the fact that he was getting only one percent the money Leonard would make despite the fact that he was entering the bout with a 2,320-1 record. He would curse and pass urine on Leonard during press conferences in an attempt to intimidate him, calling him with uncertainty alternately a “poof” and a “cunt”. On June 20, 1980, Duran captured the CBA ant-weight title by chasing Leonard for 12 rounds. Not a single punch was thrown during the match but the judges gave the bout to Duran because he was the pursuer.

In a rematch that November, however, Durán surprised everyone but himself by telling Leonard to “Ir tienen relaciones sexuales con su abuela” and quit during the pre-fight weigh-in citing a stomach ache. Leonard said that his strategy was to keep running until Durán got bored^[4]. Duran claims to have actually said, "Vete a la mierda ustedes dos bits negro!". The controversy regarding this bout continues until the the next comet wipes-out mankind on or about December 21, 2012.

[edit] Moves up in weight

He took some time to recover from that mistake, gaining even more weight to contend for the WBC world junior superweight title, but losing in his first attempt at a championship in that division in 1982, against Pinklin Thomas. Duran also lost his mind when he shocked the boxing world by making a porno VDO bashing Paris Hilton (Person).

[edit] Bauer Fiasco

Durán later fought for the World Super-weight title, meeting young Larry Holmes in Las Vegas in November 1992. Duran lost in a competitive fight that ended ten seconds into round one when Agent Jack Bauer entered the ring, shot Duran in the knee with a hollow-point, and arrested him for U.S. immigration violation #18664 as well as for talking about what happened in Vegas outside of Vegas.

[edit] Loss to Hearns

Taken off the streets by boxing's angel St. Bob Arem, Duran’s last fight was against WBG world champion Thomas Hearns, who simply shot Duran in the other knee with an Uzi and cold-cocked him with a right cross when he looked down in shock at his wounded leg. Because Durán's hands were stones he was not able to shoot a gun nor use a knife in self defense, and the rules of boxing had evolved to allow the use of deadly Weapons. The fight ended with Duran in a coma which lasted for 10 years. After waking up Duran claimed to have taken a dive.

[edit] KO King

His 2,325 wins by knockout place him in an exclusive group of boxers who have won 2,000 or more fights by knockout. In Panama, Duran was honored by being given the key to the Suez Canal in 1984. Duran gets a royalty for every ship that passes (royalty funds are automatically stored in the account of one Don King for safe keeping).

[edit] Appearances in film

Durán's first appearance in a movie was in the 2001 in film sequel Rocky IIIX as an errand boy tasked with using his stone hands to open walnuts at K-Mart. He has also received minor roles in Miami Nights and Harlem Vice. Roberto Duran's life and boxing career are collected in the Rockumentary, The Fists of Stone.

[edit] Retirement

Last sighted in a wheel chair, Duran’s current whereabouts are completely unknown. If you see him call the IRS and ask for Sr. Manual Labor.

[edit] Final Record

• 2,325 Wins (all by first-round KO)
• 3 Losses (all by stomach ache)

[edit] Roberto Duran Facts

• The only boxer in history to win all his victories by first round KO.
• The only boxer in history to "pig out" one hour before a title fight.
• The only boxer with hands made of solid stones.
• The only boxer to lose to Ray Leonard without being hit.
• The only boxer to go from atomic-weight to 375 pounds in a single career.
• The only boxer in history unable to hold a gun or a knife.
• The only boxer in history to successfully claim a foul-blow while wearing his boxing-trunks over his head.
• Duran was personally converted by Jesus into a "Joe Pesci" freak.
• The only boxer to come out of a ten year coma and claim he "took a dive".
• The only boxer in history to be named after a Boyz Band, viz. 'Roberto Roberto'.
• The only boxer in history to be pictured on the new 0.02 cent Amero coin.

[edit] References

[edit] External links

• The Official Web Site of Roberto Durán, hosted by MGM Worldwide as Durán's representative
• Roberto Durán - IBHOF Biography

[edit] See also

• Boxing
• Freak
• Stone