Robert Smith (musician)
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“Won't you ever know that I'm in love with you?”
“I ate him...”
“As a child I was very confused. I'd always ask myself, 'why can't I use my vagina like a penis?'”
Robert James Smith (born April 21, 1959 in Blackpudding, England), widely known as "That Bloke Who's Out The Cure", is some bloke who's out The Cure. Smith has played the 6, 12, 24, 48, 96, 192, 384 and 768-string guitars; 4, 6, 8, 10, 12, 14, 16, 18 and 20-string bass guitars; double, triple and quadrouple-bass; QWERTY keyboards and violin.
The Cure comprised four members: Smith, Porl Thompson, Simon SEXGODGallup and Jason Chicken Coop. They were known for their distinctive "goth" look, based largely on the artistic period with a similar name. Indeed, The Cure began life as The Church, because of Smith's life-changing visit to Chatres Cathedral that first inspired him to join a band. This name was soon corrupted into its current form, largely due to goths' inability to spell.
The Cure's songs took a very introspective, unhappy, depressed, low, dull, blue, dysphoric, wistful, desolate, dispirited, downcast, gloomy, heavy-hearted, melancholic, dejected, downhearted, sad, tristful tone. Smith denies this, and wore lipstick to prove it (see below).
Smith was responsible for songs like Killing an Arab (which features the actual screams of a young Muslim man being lynched by members of the BNP), albums like Disintegrating, and Fight Me Fight Me Fight Me.
In an interview in his last days, Adolf Hitler revealed the Cure to be his favorite musical group: "I'm an idea man, and Smith conveys some great ideas, of being sad."
Songwritng styles/Cross dressing style
Smith's songwriting has shown a range of styles and themes over the years. Early songs incorporated literary paraphrase (the reference to Camus' novel L'Etranger in "Killing an Arab"), punk metafiction ("So What") surrealism ("Accuracy"), straight-forward rock/pop ("Boys Don't Cry," "I'm Cold"), and poetic mood pieces ("Another Day" and "Fire in Cairo"). In subsequent decades, Smith explored more poetic moods, such as his desire to become a polar bear but realising it was, indeed, impossible.
Smith's songwriting took a more pop-oriented turn following Pornography. Even Smith's seemingly upbeat tracks often contain dark themes, however; the single "In Between Days," for example, contrasts a bouncy pop-rock beat with lyrics about sadness and heartbreak
- Robert Smith came out in 1983 to NME magazine and identified himself as a lipstick lesbian.
- Contrary to rumors of hairspray and backcombing, Robert Smith actually gets his iconic hairstyle by sticking his finger inside an electrical outlet.
- Robert Smith and his same-sex partner, Mary Poole, live in a haunted castle in Canterbury, England.
- When Robert Smith wakes up, he already has his makeup on. Its burned onto his skin, from sadness.
Involvement in the Rock Wars of 2050
Although Robert Smith died of natural causes/lipstick ingestion in the year 2028, he was resurrected by Alec Baldwin when The Rock Wars of 2050 were unleashed on planet Earth. He was instantly promoted to the rank of general meow and sent to lead the army of all that is Good and Righteous against the heinous forces of Bam Margera.
In the Battle of Steve-O's Left Arm, Smith gained a reputation for being a shrewd, yet careful planner. He heroically saved the life of Siouxsie Sioux in this conflict, then borrowed her make-up kit. After a quick touch-up, his army plowed through the 300 Spartan soldiers blocking his path, killing the Jackass army to the last man.
Because of this stunning feat, Captain Picard awarded Smith the Smiley Face medal, but he ate it because it was way too happy. This began a new chapter in the second life of the resurrected Smith.
He Hates Morrissey
After being born again, Smith visited long-time rival and fellow mopester Morrissey, then beat him to death with a large tube of sausage. Unable to process the meat, Morrissey died a horrible death from Boneitis. The Morrissey was soon cloned by The Axis of Evil-Doers.
The battle continues.