User:Boothman/Robbiesavage

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In most civilised nations of the world, robbiesavage is the second most heinous crime of all, only being superceded by parking on double yellows (see China). The act of robbiesavage involves flicking a highly groomed ponytail in a questionable manner whilst also acting like a turd with a face. It is not hard to see why robbiesavage is frowned upon severely.

edit Etymology

The first accounts of robbiesavage in the written world were scribed by monks from Wales in the early 18th century. An early book describes how one man was:

"...strypped naked, force't to endure a hyghly offensyve ponie-tail and generally annoy'd by a blonde woman with a beard. Later on, a passyng straynger came by and the man ask'd, "O, what was that?", to whych the straynger reply'd, "That my friend was robbiesavage."

It's not known exactly why this disgusting crime came by the name of robbiesavage, but it is thought that it is onomatopoeic.

The practice is believed to have been inspired by Lord Haw Haw slagging of his own country to his own country during WWII, in the hope of making his own country lose the war. This tradition has been continued by Welsh football players who have retired from international football since Mark Hughes went to Blackburn, who apear on every media outlet in the world on the eve of Welsh qualification matches to say Wales are now rubbish, and will never win, and will never qualify for the World Cup/Euro Championships. Except Robbie Savage, who is fully behind John Toshak's management of the Welsh team.

edit Method

Many robbiesavvers may stalk their victims for week upon week, sometimes dressing up as horses or impersonating football players. After a victim has been isolated, the robbiesavver pounces, often screaming obscenities such as "Fuckin' boyo you fuckin' Swansea bastard" and "Golly". The attacker usually flings his disgusting lengthened locks into a victims face and genitalia, often resulting is sharp pains to the eyes and brain. After robbiesavving the victim to satisfy his/her needs, the attacker will run away screaming like a girl and can often be seen arguing with imaginary referees about "Pantene Pro-V", whatever that is.

edit Terminology

There are currently three degress of robbiesavage:

  • 3rd Degree: When you robbiesav someone to the point of them crying and/or reacting violently.
  • 2nd Degree: Slightly more severe, this is used for robbiesavage that results in severe pain to the forehead and/or shock absorbers. The robbiesavver in question may have a ponytail upto three feet long.
  • 1st Degree: The worst kind of robbiesavage. Results in death to all participants. 1st degree robbiesavving may last several days.

All robbiesavving offences carry a sentence of severe death, unless you are rich and famous, whereby the death is only moderately harsh.

edit Causes

Being Welsh.

edit Famous Robbiesavvers

  • Charlotte Church.
  • Dafydd from Little Britain.
  • That other Welsh bloke.
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