Robbie Williams
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“What a faggot crap”
~ Frank Sinatra on Robbie Williams' dice game skills
“I did not have sexual relations with that woman.”
~ Bill Clinton on Robbie Williams
“I am not gay, but I love to have sex with men.”
~ Robbie Williams on Robbie Williams
“The fat dancer from Take That? ”
~ Oasis on Robbie Williams
Cock 'Robbie' Williams (born Friday 13, 1974 in California), singer, entertainer, cunt, bum hole and Gary Barlow's lover was first exposed to the music industry in a horrific accident when he was created by Jeckal and Hyde. He was put together with leftover pieces of Michael Jackson's body after plastic surgery. In 2002 he was bought by the Microsoft Corporation. They upgraded him to Windows XP and turned him into a Lean Mean Song Producing Machine (they sewed Guy Chambers on to him), now he spends most of his time plugged into a wall recharging his batteries and being repaired by shitty computer engineers sent out by Microsoft and trying to crack the windows genuine message. Apparently, he likes being prodded with a screwdriver. Allegedly.
A good way of describing him is: "Wanted by girls".
Robbie also likes to wank on the second day of the week 'Toss Tuesdays'.
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[edit] Family Life
Williams is the younger and lesser brother of scary, put together upside down when the wind changed, strange actor, Robin Williams. He has disowned younger brother Robbie because he believes the tattoo across his chest means "my brother is a coke snorting, put together upside down necrophiliac". Robbie has neither confirmed nor denied this.
On October 13th 2007 Williams announced his engagement to Beatles frountman Liam Gallagher.
[edit] Music career
After meeting with a ghostly image of himself at the age of half, he gave all of his belongings to a small duck which he named Nigel Martin-Smith (aka the eliminatorostrhophe). This duck now acts as his loyal servant as a form of tribute, carrying stuff for him, and buying the odd $47 billion rent boy for him.
He formed his own elite boy band in 1990 consisting of Lars Ulrich, Phil Anselmo, Eminem, The Cookie Monster, Oprah Winfrey and himself. The group were mildly successful in the Manhattan Jewish district, playing at bar mitzvahs and weddings. They released 2 singles in 1992 to critical acclaim but things turned sour in early 1993 after Oprah ate Cookie and Lars married Jessica Simpson and left the group.
After a brief stint performing duets with Michael Jackson at gay weddings he embarked on a solo career flashing his colossal willy to all the ladies.
The first self titled album was a flop and Robbie suffered severe depression and joined the Church of Scientology. Having fallen out with the whole world, he decided to join to make friend from other 'realms'.
Williams, a self-confessed fat bastard, told a local newspaper, "Being an obese fudge-packer (Queer) isn't easy. I mean, have you seen me in the mirror? I'm so fat, never mind being an ugly shitbag from Stoke. I might as well end my petty life now ey? I'll just have one last frijj milkshake and a pie."
He is currently working on his latest album entitled Greatest Hits 769 and has been at least ten minutes since the Lean mean Song Producing Machine last spewed out a record. He has secretly been recording a duet with The car from Nightrider which is planned for release and minute soon along with another million records.
Robbie achieved notoriety in when his affair with British television presenter Esther Rantzen was exposed, resulting in her divorce from husband Boy George. Now he was just a fat bastard, and not a fudge-packing fat bastard.
Nothing ever goes right for poor Robbie. Despite record deals for gazillions of dollars, he still had a hissy fit and went on strike when some producer spilt his milk. He will often have a whinge now and then in a vain attempt to appear hard done-by, interesting or (heaven forbid) a serious song-writer.
[edit] Movie Career
Robbie started his movie career after he left England for Los Angeles after the shame of his affair and the constant harassment by the tabloid press. He was discovered by Hollywood and stared in his first film, Don't Be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood, he played a young street hustler attempting to escape the rigours and temptations of the ghetto in a quest for a better life. However, the movie was not received well by critic and cinema goers alike. Robbie was criticised for being too gangster for the role. Despite this setback he climbed the greasy pole of Hollywood and has continued making mediocre films since, much to the dismay of his older brother, Robin Williams.
[edit] Notable Movies
- Blubber (1997)
- Doomanji (1995)
- Mrs. Goutfire (1993)
- Good Morning, Stoke-On-Trent (1987)
- Mean Girls (2004)
- Flank & Spank, the movie (2003)
- Die Another Day (2002)
