Rivethead
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Rivethead is a term commonly used to refer to one of the many creepy goths, and their boots, that were too cool to bother with the old-skool victorian "goth" look which they think looks too pussy or attempt to become Al Yankovic Quaeda. It is a well known fact that EBM (enter bowel monitor) originates in Nazi death (happy) camps, and was invented by a German soldier who took a bet that he could go a month without pleasuring himself with jewish donkeys. Since then the rivethead has eluded modern science by hiding under rocks and huffing kittens, providing them with energy to stomp on ravers and goths, and fueling their wars with rival underground mutants that originate from various toxic waste spills or nuclear mishaps. In 1993, rivethead sightings began to rise in popular metropolitan areas, forcing the American government and doctor who to acknowledge the threat that these creatures posed. In response to the increase in rivethead population, President "Badass" Clinton turned over control of an elite taskforce of urban soldiers to Mickey Mouse, who preceded to take one thorough ass bite out of crime. By 1996, any Rivetheads that had not been slain had been deported to United Arab Emirates, or given jobs in Hollywood movies as overly aggressive supervillain extras who subsequently die in the first .0005th second of the movie, thereby scrambling our brains with fnords. Through intense research, scientists have determined that all of the remaining population is sterile, due to their eccentric physical appearance and often malformed genitalia such as sausages.
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[edit] Origins
The most common theory of the origin of rivetheads is that in the first three seconds after the begining, lord satan jumped onto god's back and began to rape him with much vigor. When satan pulled out, the mixture of divine blood and satanic semen fell to the earth and up popped Andy LaPlegua. On primal instinct, he began to bash in the heads of all the ravers in his sight and from their blood the species known as rivethead grew (and continues to grow today)
[edit] Dress
The typical rivethead can be recognized by their fruity post apocalyptic look. Although the intended use of the goggles is unclear, most believe that they are worn in an effort to ward off the powerful rays of our yellow sun (as it is very bright in god's anus, thus scaring their cornias). They may also use these goggles as a way of proceeding to their aquatic adventures. Rocketboots are also common, and if cornered, these ghastly apparitions have been known to fly to the safety of the local industrial club. Among many females in this scene and (unfortunately) some males, synthetic hair is common. This synthetic hair also gives them the ability to be elitist and arrogant cunts and make a Myspace, Vampirefreaks, and Dark Starlings account. You can find them under a username like "RazorBladeCandy," "NuclearWhatever," a random German phrase such as "Destroying New Buildings," or any random word with "cunt" at the end. You can usually find them saying how much of a bitch they are and how much better they are than you and they also refer to him/herself as "she" or "he" to make themselves have more of a "mysterious" and loner feel. But, they're just mad because they can't handle our Earth's yellow rays, so they take it out on the Earthlings.
[edit] Breeding Habits
It has already been noted that rivetheads are impotent and unattractive, with serious genetic problems due to fallout, however their rarity is also partly due to an scarcity of females of the species. Given the difficulty of reproducing organically, it is more common for Rivetheads forsake human flesh in favor of cold, hard, electronics. It is not uncommon for a creature such as this to marry a washing machine or a flashlight. For these, the sound of an unbalanced load is often taken as an invitation to mate. Should you find a rivethead fondling the knobs of an appliance, or telling it that it's "well-oiled", it's best to back away. They can be jealous of their mates.
While rare, female rivetheads do exist, but are often mistaken for militant lesbians, causing the male to shy away in fear. This often forces the male of the species, when attempting to breed organically, to mate with female goths, or goths which he mistakes for female as it is sometimes hard to tell, particularly if wearing goggles or a gas mask. For some obscure genetic reason, the resulting offspring usually has synthetic, neon hair. It's likely the radiation.
However, should (for whatever reason) female rivetheads attempt to locate a male rivethead with which to breed, it should be noted that the scent of WD-40 or motor oil is highly attractive and makes an excellent lubricant.
[edit] Diet
It should be noted that beyond their healthy diet of Goths, Jews, dead babies, celebrity Lard, and ravers. Rivetheads can often times be found eating a special kind of snack called Rivetbread. Rivetbread is baked by the most powerful of all the dwarf bakers (see Christopher Reeves) of the underworld, and provides that necessary boost for rape, pillage, and otherwise wanton destruction.
[edit] Social Habits
Although rivetheads have no social lives outside of their small elite circles, preferring desolate abandoned warehouses to city streets, it has been observed that despite their extreme aggressive tendencies, they are actually quite avid useless internet nerds, lying about their penis sizes in online masturbation forums, and lying to themselves when they receive those annoying "would you like to increase your penis size" emails. Rivetheads are fluent in both German and Leet, and speak broken English only when completely necessary.
[edit] Initiation
To be considered a fully fledged rivethead, they must be jumped in by baby bat goths. The jump in process is started with the smallest female goth in the scene throwing punches. If she is able to knock out the initiate with just one punch, the initiate is termed a rivethead, and not able to become a fully fledged goth. Subsequently, the rivethead will maintain that this jumping in process involved jumper cables.
[edit] Music
Every true Rivethead knows that the Trent Reznor is the king of Industrial and Nine Inch Nails is the greatest industrial band EVER.
[edit] Disclaimer
Rivethead should not be confused with Craig Rivet's head.
