“Your forehead's so big, it's got its own article on Uncyclopedia.”
Rihanna's Forehead is a titanic mythical deity that is said to live under the stairs and originated from some remote region in the West Indies. It's so big.
Rihanna's Forehead Dimensions
Rihanna's forehead is so impossibly large its size can only be described in the following series of non-sequiturs:
- Almost bigger than Kita's huge forehead!
- Smaller than two of Michelle's foreheads!
- Rihanna's forehead is so large people spray paint it by mistake.
- If you were to go on a hike right now carrying enough supplies on your back to last you two days, and walk non-stop peeing in a plastic cup and shitting in an open can while on the go, you would run out of food and die of dehydration traveling up Rihanna's forehead.
- It is said that if you were to flatten out Rihanna's forehead, it's surface area would cover an area of approximately three open umbrellas.
- Rihanna's forehead is so large that it has it's own ecosystem and cloud system.
- You could probably land a helicopter on Rihanna's forehead!
Rihanna's bulbous forehead continued
- Rihanna's forehead is so big, they changed they words in 300 on IMDB:
- Persian: "A big forehead of the Bajan empire descends upon you. Rihanna's forehead will block out the sun"
- Stelios: "Then we will fight in the shade."
- In times of emergency crisis, Rihanna's forehead can be used as a parking lot for Smart cars.
- When we reached the moon they said "Houston we have a problem, we thought we were on the moon..but it's just Rihanna's forehead..."
- It would take all of Young Money's cum to cover her forehead.
- It is also referred to as a "five-head"
- She doesn't only have to brush her hair, she has to brush her forehead
What you can do to Stop Rihanna's forehead
Nothing ....well actually you can do one of the two things: You can challenge Rihanna's Forehead to a horned-goat skull ramming contest or an ultimate ping pong match. Be warned, if you lose you will be sentenced to exile to a parallel universe where all matter consists of tiny umbrellas instead of atoms.
Caution advised: You will lose.
However, there is one person who has overcome the Forehead's impenetrable defenses. R&B singer by the name of Christopher Brown weakened the forehead's chitinous outer shell with a quick, unexpected left hook for 4000 damage (3950 was absorbed by the shell). The immense shock left the forehead dazed and unable to defend itself. Chris Brown knows about the Shell's ridiculous health regeneration rate of 1,250 hit points per second. So without further delay, he immediately performs the Singer's Forbidden Technique: Chris bites the exposed Forehead for a critical hit of 26,000 damage, leaving the Forehead unconscious for minutes, long enough for Brown to run for his dear life. Chris Brown knows he will be chased to the end of the world by law enforcements for using such an atrocious technique (it was universally banned when drunken Britney Spears allegedly bit her poor Chihuahua for 9k damage, instantly killing it). Brown turned himself in the next day and the law stripped him of his career and all monies.
What you can do to Appease Rihanna's forehead
Rihanna's forehead is mostly a docile creature except at times of the day that end in "o'clock". Otherwise it's just a rampaging ravenous destructive force for which there is no equal and no master. It devours planets, galaxies, and varying realms of reality. Fortunately for us, and for all living matter for that matter, it is easily pleased.
All you need to calm the giant is:
- A ball of yarn (it has to be red or yellow, otherwise it'll just anger the creature, causing it to squash you with one of its tentacles.)
- Sand from the beaches of Ocho Rios, Jamaica.