Ricky Campos in 2008
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
“Ricky Campos deserves to be in charge of this nation for no other reason than he can house copious amounts of alcohol and still get up for work the next morning.”
“I would gladly let Ricky Campos have sex with my daughter and then not call her the next day.”
“I've never actually met Ricky Campos but I would date him.”
Ricky Campos was conceived sometime in November of 1980 and was born sometime in July of 1981. When he arrived on this planet via his mother's vagina, he immediately cracked open a Corona, pounded it and kicked a soccer ball into the net to score the winning goal for El Salvador in the CONCAACAF title game. Since that fateful day in July, Ricky has been effortlessly campaigning to become the president of this wonderful nation. He has sought far and wide to find a better country to rule and he has come up empty handed. Ricky Campos loves the USA and he has what it takes to make it a great place to live for any and all. People far and wide will rejoice when Ricky is elected as he has touched the hearts of many on his multiple journeys across the globe. So vote Ricky Campos in 2008 and you won't be sorry (unless you don't like to party, rock, kick ass and drink beer).
edit Why Vote Ricky Campos?
edit Top 10 Reasons in no particular order
- Ladies love him
- He's friends with CJ (see the picture of the man face down in a pile of beers on the shirts off parties page
- He almost never comes through in the clutch (this is good because you're not left wondering if he will or not, you just know that he won't)
- He had a threesome with a hammer and Heidi Montag Pratt
- He is friend of the bear
- He has no particular qualms with the middle east
- He not only got a blowjob from but also banged Monica Lewinsky
- He used to date Amy Fisher
- He is friends with Joey Buttafuco
- He will choose beer over you any day of the week
- He only eats Taco Bell when he's really drunk
- He probably made out with your sister
- He doesn't care about math
- He's a little lad who likes berries and cream
- He listens to smooth jazz while pleasuring himself and sometimes while pleasuring women
edit Political Beliefs
Ricky strongly believes that Beer can solve any problem. There is no reason why any country should be at war. If everyone just sat down and opened a nice, cool, refreshing bud light with Ricky then all would be well. As president, Ricky plans to eliminate war and terrorism and hatred and bring peace and unity to all. He will do this with his charming good looks, his electric personality, his sexually thunderous ass and a 30 pack of the cheapest beer at the distributor.
edit Shirts off parties
Ricky is a firm believer in the shirts off party. Ricky has stated in many interviews that 94% of parties he attends end up as shirts off parties if they didn't begin as one. He believes that only with his shirt off can a man truly enjoy life. In many press photos Ricky is seen topless and because of this he has garnered a reputation as the common man's politician.
edit A good, hard rockin' band
Ricky Campos loves to rock. He's been doing it since 1981 and he hasn't stopped since. Also, Ricky understands the ability of a good band to "get a party goin.'" Therefore, as president, Ricky would employ several in-Whitehouse bands to perform at various parties, luncheons, meetings and everyday routine sit-downs. A good rock band can keep the party going for hours on end and no one knows this better than Mr. Campos.
Ricky loves the ladies just as much as they love him. Ricky is a strong believer in women's rights and he knows that a woman deserves the right to make their own decisions. He's also a strong purveyor for women in politics because as Ricky Campos has put it, "no one likes a sausage fest!"
Troy (2003) as Boagrius
Holy Hannah! (2003) as Colonel Grimmstare Fucksalot
Hell's Angels Go to Moscow (2001) as Bad Ass Russian Biker #2
The Devils Advocate (1997) as John Milton
What're You Gonna Do Brother?: The Hulk Hogan Story as Randy "Macho Man" Savage
Meet the California Raisins (1993) as Wolfsbane Beerdrinker
The Bible: In 3-D! (1 AD) as Jesus H.
Check out Ricky's campaign on MySpace at www.myspace.com/rickyforpresident. Feel free to leave comments of support and let Ricky know just how much he is loved.
Check out this Subaru commercial dedicated to the company's favorite presidential candidate.