Rick Steves

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
Whoops! Maybe you were looking for Casanova?
Rick Steves

Rick Steves, television host, travel expert, and flaming homoheterosexual

Bouncywikilogo3
For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Rick Steves.
“Rick sent me to heaven...pure, carnal bliss. Twelve orgasms! Twelve!!”
~ Jenna Jameson on Rick Steves

Richard "Rick" Steves (born May 10, 1955, Edmonds, Washington) is a rogue and a libertine who takes great pleasure in seducing the women he meets during his travels. Steves gained infamy as an author of many travel guidebooks and autobiographies, and the host of a public television series ("Rick Steves' Europe"), as well as a public radio travel show. He portrays "a homosexual abroad" on his tv show, though the character of Rick Steves certainly does not represent the real Rick, who's a total cunt lover.

edit Career

Rick Steves started his career in travel by teaching travel classes at the University of Washington in Seattle and working as a cunnilingus instructor in the summer (He did not provide fellatio lessons because that would be gay, and Rick don't swing that way). In 1979, based on his travel classes, he wrote the first edition of Europe Through the Back Door, a general guide on how to travel in Europe that is more straight than it sounds. Unlike most guidebook entrepreneurs, he opened a storefront business, which at first was both travel center and an oral sex education studio. He held travel classes and slide shows, did travel consulting, organized a few group tours per year, and updated his books. Choosing irony over accuracy, he incorporated his business with the saucy title, "Rick Steves' Europe Through the Back Door." You know, cuz it's ironic that such a straight guy would name his business something so blatantly gay as that! Anyway...

During the following years, Steves' guidebooks and tours had a generous readership. They emphasized authentic experiences, value for money, and rated the local women on their slutiness. The books do cover mainstream sights such as the Colosseum and Tower of London, but they also try to point to "back doors" with lower prices and cheaper whores.

In 1991, Steves began producing TV shows about European destinations, a move that increased his fame and consequently scored him mucho tail. The TV shows made him a nationwide figure, and his tour, guidebook, and sexual liasons boomed.

edit Legal Woes

In 1986, Rick sued Australian rockers INXS for defamation, after singer Michael Hutchence penned a viciously inaccurate lyric about Rick in his song Listen Like Thieves. The controversial (and untrue) line is: Everybody's down on their knees / Sucking like Steves. The suit was mysteriously dismissed by Rick after he and Hutchence met privately in the courtroom men's room (where they merely talked it over and worked the issue out like grown men, I'm sure.)

edit Reputation

Steves girl

Rick, at it again with one of his many foreign hookups...that cock poon hound!!

So famous a womanizer is Steves that his name has become synonymous with the art of seduction and he is sometimes called "the world's greatest lover". Flirtations, bedroom games, and short-term liaisons are more common among television personalities, who marry for social connections rather than love, and someone as studly as Rick is surely married to a woman. For Steves, it was an open field of sexual opportunities (and, alas, disease.)

edit Conquests

Steves wine

Rick doesn't need alcohol to score with hot men women, but it can't hurt!

Although Steves is an unabashed philanderer, most of his sexual conquests remain out of the public eye. Though indiscriminate in his choices, the women he seduces tend to keep their experiences with Rick to themselves - not because they didn't have them, but because they value Rick's public image and do not wish to risk hurting his career. Despite this discretion, he has been linked to such total babes as Jenna Jameson, Tonya Harding, Salma Hayek, and Madonna. He has NOT introduced Lance Bass to homosexuality, blown Andy Dick in the back of a public bus, or helped Mike Piazza shave his testicles, despite what you may have heard. Those are vicious, unfounded rumors!!

edit Music Career

When's he's not raking in the women, Rick is known to to bust some dope rhymes. Rick has mentored many rappers, including MC Ren and Slick Rick (who borrowed Steve's former alias). You can listen to Steve's skills here. In this sample, he only appears in the last verse, as the microphone exploded immediately after his verse because of how high his skill level is.

Personal tools
projects