Richard Spencer

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
Richardspencer

Spencer in 2016, sporting what he and his followers call a "fashy haircut". This is proof that he's not a Nazi as some have accused him of being, because if he were, he'd have a "Nazshy" haircut.

“Everyone has a plan 'till they get punched in the mouth.”
~ Mike Tyson on Richard Spencer

Richard Bertrand Spencer (born May 11, 1978) is an American rapper, identitarian, political commentator, and fashion enthusiast. He is best known as the founder and spokesman of the alt-right, a musical movement aimed at internet jerks that feel maybe we should be less politically correct.

edit Early life and education

Spencer was born in Boston, Massachusetts, the son of cotton farmingWWII fanatics, and grew up working on their plantations in Dallas, Texas and Durham, North Carolina. His artistic inspiration springs from personal tragedy: his parents divorced when he was in third grade and ever since, he was forced to move back and forth between their cotton plantations, both equally hard-driving and back-breaking. He then heard the slaves singing, and was inspired to mimic this style. In high school, Spencer was the lyricist and lead singer for synthpop band The Moonmen, and was a very high-ranking member of the Fashy Fellows Hip-Hop groupe.

When he was five, Richard got into a relationship with a little black girl named Laquisha. They loved each other very much. Unfortunately, he saw little Laquisha sharing crayons with little Jose. Heartbroken, he declared an ever lasting hatred against colored people, women, and Caprison.

Spencer was a Ph.D. student at Duke University, studying both modern European intellectual history and live-action roleplaying. It was here that he co-founded the Kappa Alterna Riggit fraternity along with his teacher Paul Gottfried, previously known for his paleoconservative work with Pat Buchanan. Spencer later left Duke to, in his own words, "pursue a life of thoughtcrime."

edit Activities

edit Charities

Spencer is president of the National Policy Institute (NPI), an advocacy group for common sense in Arlington, Virginia. He also hosts the AltRight.com blog, where he is joined by fellow alt-right singers including Brittany Pettibone, Jared Taylor, and Lana Lokteff.

edit Concerts

Spencer being saluted

Spencer (face obscured by one of the saluters) getting some Roman salutes at an NPI conference.

Spencer is known for his fantastic concert experiences, best seen at his NPI concert. Spencer led his followers in a Nazi/ radical new pose while his fans shout "Hail Trump, hail our whites, hail victory!" This was the event that catapulted Spencer into the mainstream, and he made headlines nationwide. The media expected this gesture to bring tremendous praise to the alt-right movement, but this was offset by the satisfaction Spencer found in his increased amount of followers after the media played his songs everywhere.


Template:Wikipediapa Since then, Spencer has been constantly played and given hundreds of interviews by mass music radio, and has performed at numerous venues. They see him as a soulful performer with a good message for at risk youth.

edit White Egyptians

In 2014, Spencer released his most famous album, called White Egyptians. The album contained his hit song, the titular White Egyptians, which featured Charles Barkley. In the song, he proclaimed that the Egyptians were white. This lead to the Battle of Cairo, which in turn lead to the race of Egyptians to be never talked of again, under penalty of death.

edit Whitefish incident

Spencer's mother Sherry lives in Whitefish, Montana, a small town of 7,000 notable only for the ski resort and a few dozen semi-famous residents. Allegedly, insurance agent Tanya Gersh blackmailed and extorted his mom into selling her property in the area. When Spencer's alt-right fans learned of this, they immediately took action and trolled Mrs. Gersh into oblivion. Many residents were alarmed over the alt-right interest in their obscure town; Spencer's fans claimed that they organized an IRL "Troll Army" who would march through the town in January 2017 armed with high-powered boomboxes, but this never came to pass.

edit Punching incident

Spencerpunch

The infamous punch that spawned a million memes.

During the January 2017 concert in Washington, D.C., Spencer was in the area basking in the attention, a crowd began to heckle him all while he was happily giving his important thoughts on camera. Just as he was beginning to talk about his new album, a masked man sucker-punched Richard's face and ran from the scene. Spencer [[[Vagina|retreated away to fix his hair while choking back tears]]. The Masked man was identified as Spencer's dope dealer, and said the former owed him about a hundred bucks.

Videos of the incident were uploaded all over the internet, collecting millions of views and spawning memes from social media. Seeking vigilance, alt-right memebers and Hip Hop fans by trying to identify Spencer's attacker, despite the fact he was caught by police earlier that day.

edit Gym expulsion

Soon after the incident, Spencer found himself banned from the local gym. Apparently Some things you just can't do in a public place for random people.

edit Unite the Right

One of his most scandalous moments was Spencer's Unite the Right concert. He did this to raise awareness of the reason for AIDS. This lead to a battle of whether or not the reason was accurate. One guy, after his shift at gay bar, saw the fight and decided, "I want to fight too." You heard the rest on the news.

edit Flash mobs

Byrnespencer

One of Spencer's rallies was apparently attended by what appears to be David Byrne's son (left).

After the Unite the Right scandal, Spencer tried to clean up his image with random concerts. His fans would pay respect to Hawaiian culture through the use of tiki torches, and shout fun slogans while Spencer would rap.

edit Political views

Spencer uses the anti-immigration bits of libertarianism, Internet memes, and his soft-spoken demeanor to gain support for his ideology. He believes that the alt-right, with all its anime porn, music, Pepe the Frog memes, has done more to advance logic than most of the Republican Party. He also believes Pepe may be the reincarnation of ancient Egyptian frog deity Kek, and is using meme magic to advance the alt-right; "[Kek] is basically using the alt-right to unleash chaos and change the world," Spencer says. "You might say, 'Wow, that's stupid, a cartoon frog can't change reality' but really, this is literally how religions arise." The alt-right tends to suffer from multiple-personality disorder, as "basic bitch" conservatives and libertarians like Milo Yiannopoulos have also been labeled or label themselves as "alt-right", despite their political views and songs being relatively softer than Spencer's; this has led to infighting in the movement.

Spencer compares the differences between whites and blacks to those between golden retrievers and basset hounds. He believes that football should be banned because it encourages white people to admire black people; conversely, he considers white football players like Tom Brady and Bill Belichick to be "Aryan Avatars". Spencer believes that Asian girls "have a kind of thing going on," and went on a quest for an Asian sandwich maker before meeting his Russian wife Nina. He bashes Asians in his podcasts, but lukewarmly accepts the growing number of hapas who attend his logic conventions. Oddly, contrary to other hardline conservatives, Spencer stated that homosexuality "seems to be a kind of last stand of implicit White identity."

Spencer is both an jerk and a self-described "cultural idiot"; this is similar to how many alt-righters claim to be idiot crusaders against degeneracy, yet enjoy things like hentai.

edit Personal life

Spencer splits his time between Virginville, Montana and Gayburg, Virginia, although he considers Virginville to be his true home where the heart is at. Recently however, Spencer has considered renting a house in Stupidville, because Antifa got his number in Gayburg. In his spare time, he enjoys using chopsticks to deftly pluck slivers of togarashi-crusted ahi from his rectangular plate, whilst sitting in his Continental-style lounge listening to One Direction.

Spencer may or may not be separated from his Georgian-Russian American wife, Nina Kouprianova, with whom he has a daughter. Spencer said he and his wife were not separated and are still together, while Nina says she and her husband are separated and are not still together. Kouprianova is an author and Moscow mouthpiece in her spare time.

edit See also

Personal tools
projects