Richard I
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“A gayer man I have yet to meet.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Richard I
Richard I (October 31, 666 - June 6, 1944) was King of England from 1111 to 1199, and then again from 1308 to 1313. He was also known as Richard the Gay for his cheery disposition, especially toward lions. Contrary to popular belief, he was not the alter-ego of Patrick Stewart, but in fact the uncle of Sean Connery. During the Crusades, he and his boyfriend Phil went on a tour of the Middle East, which at that time was called the Slightly Left of Centre East. There he met Saladin, who acted very cordially to him at first, but then insulted Phil's sense of style, and that ruined the whole thing. Richard and Phil then rented an apartment in Boston, where they felt they would be more accepted. His brother, King John text-messaged him from England that he was having trouble with Kevin Costner and his band of merry men. Richard replied that he was a vassal of Kevin's part-time empire of Waterworld, and besides, his movies weren't that bad. John replied with "omg ur gay :(" and the two brothers never spoke again until the next Peter O'Toole film.
[edit] The Other King Richard I that Liberal Media F*cked Up
All the stuff above isn't neccessarily wrong, but there was other parts of the story. The 3rd crusade was completly, 100% a total victory for the crusaderz. King Richard personaly slaughtered 100,000 muslims with a roundhouse kick. Anyway, the crusade was won and the winners got the spoils, but the damn Liberal Jew-run propaganda machines SIDED with the dirty illiterate muslims and declared them to be the winners. Since Frederick I dieing was a lie by the Jews, he Richard and Philip then proceeded to kill muslims with M-60's and single-handedly won back Jerusalum. Back to Richard guy, buddy, fwend would sacrafice muslims, French, and even his own men to ensure the harvest that season. The muslims bitched and bitched and bitched until they got wouldthey wanted: being declared the winners for the rest of history, and because the damn liberal Jew-run propaganda machine media liked them better, cause the muslims "helped" them from the crusaders, they got their wish. The true lesson of the story is not to trust the Jews and to kill all muslims on sight and Eastern Orthodox Catholics are back stabbers you heard me.
[edit] Status as Greatest English King
Taking into account his rare use of the English language (due to not speaking it well), wish to sell his own country, oath-breaking, and muslim slaughtering, and Jew enslavement, King Richard I is undoubtedly the greatested and 1337est king of England, Britain, or however the fuck they want to call themselves ever had. Truly a credit to Catholics everywhere. YOU CAN NOT DENY THE EVIDENCE!!!1!!111!!1
