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Hello my name is Richard Attenborough (29 August 1923 – 24 August 2014). Sir Richard, Lord Attenborough. Call me Dickie..You understand, I have just finally shed off the old coat and I am up here now. Yes, yes. Gandhi was a wonderful film wasn't it? Oh..you are Gandhi! And...no? Really..aha..yes..I understand Mahatma...I can't expect to have pleased everyone...that's the way it goes.
Do you know where I am? Oh Heaven is it?? Lovely chap that St.Peter. He let me in without a delay or even queuing. Said 'Dickie Darling, fabulous...fabulous..loved all your films. You were great as Pinkie in Brighton Rock and I remember you as the killer John Christie..of course, you won't be meeting him either...Christie has a long way to go with the rehabilitation purgatory treatment'..
Great party...great party. Marvelous..oh wasn't he? I came up here with Lauren Bacall. Marvelous..of course I had met her many times but never here..well..who does...hahaha yes....Robin Williams...yes, I saw him in the queue. They're a bit sniffy here if you go before your allotted time but I am sure lovely Robin won't be delayed too long. Heaven needs more funny men that I am sure.
Yes..isn't it wonderful to meet so many old friends again? Well I never...well I never. Charlie Chaplin said something wonderful to me just now. Said Robert Downey Jr. had done well with the role. Of course, I am not expecting to meet anyone I didn't like. That would be terrible. Yes...like those parties downstairs others have told me about. After all, how do you talk to people like Attila the Hun or Walt Disney, .marvelous...marvelous..Hun..wasn't he?
Oh..yes..I took a wrong turn didn't I. Shouldn't take directions from Pol Pot...that's where I met those characters. Heavens, not here. Oh that would have been a shock. Thanks Nelson Mandela,such a dear boy, I will hold your hat as you look for something to drink.
Oh is it that time already? Just as I was getting into the swing. Oh..you mean this is it...?..no more schmoozing?? I was looking forward to not waking up with a hangover here. Well luvvie I know I can't make any new films up here...but..oh...really...well I never. Well I never...
Have we met before? I mean on the mezzanine so to speak. Oh we haven't. So...who are you? No?? Oh...I was expecting to see my old work colleagues and then take a trip to visit the parents. I understand, it can all be a bit shocking...I hope I will adjust...
That rule about retirement? Darling Peter be a sweetheart, I mean can you just ask HIM. It would be a wonderful film...about three saints who want to dig escape tunnels out of a satanic prison camp...