Retrosexual

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“In all of my years I haven't ever seen two.”
~ Your Grandfather on Retrosexual.
“It took more crack than you or I could smoke in a year and yet she managed it in a month; I was impressed and horrifed at the same time...”
~ Oscar Wilde on Converting to Retrosexualism
“And whom would contend with the Retrosexuals now? From where do we draw a resistance? The old ones have progressed too far. They cannot be stopped”
~ George Washington on The Great Army of the Retrosexual
“The only way to kill an Anubis Warrior is to cut off its head!”
~ Ardeth Bey on Killing an Anubis Warrior
“OMFGLOLROFLBBQPIE!!!!!!!1!1!1one!11!eleven!!1!!1!!1!!1!onehundredandeleven!!!1!1!1!”
~ Misturi Meet on That Awesome Porn Movie
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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Retrosexual.
Awakening

Darth Vader at a Retrosexual meeting during the Second Great Awakening.

Retrosexuallity is the practice of or relating to sexualness that is retro in nature. Retro in the sense that it was "cool" before and is quickly becoming "cool" now. Hippies are generally considered to be among the highest practitioners of Retrosexuallity and have many powerful forums that they use to retrosex themselves in the bung.

edit History

The first retrosexuallity movement in world history occurred during the Second Great Awakening in the 1820's and 30's. When Congregationalists in New England set up missionary societies in which the modern day retrosexuals "rocked out". It was this foreword propensity to "rock out" that gave the retrosexual movement strength and lead them down a path to the dark side.

Retrosexuallity emerged as a method to combat the return to piety movement and the outbreak of new forms of religion that plagued the period. Your Mother, perhaps the most influential Retrosexual popularized the trend in 1826 when she said (in a German accent): "And we the resistance, the Retrosexuals do hereby proclaim that we are, now and forever, off the heezy!"

edit Characteristics of Retrosexuallity

Retrosexuals are gay and should be, for all intents and purposes, treated with the type Sexual Deviant(gay), unless of course they are an outsider, then they retain their outsider type but gain the subtype sexual.

Ex. A retrosexual lvl. 23 Solar Cleric would be given the type Outsider(sexual)

Retrosexual is not a class, but a template that can be applied to any base creature as the DM proscribes.

Retrosexual

CE Any Size Sexaul Deviant(Gay)

Init +4 (+2 Dex, misc. mods); Senses [Darkvision, Blind-Sense] Listen +12, Spot +2 Knowledge(gayness) +99

Languages queer, common

AC 21, touch 19, flat-footed 12 (+2 armor, +9 Dex,)

hp 33 (9 HD) [fast healing 12]

Fort +12, Ref +9, Will +1

Spd 40 ft

Base Atk +2 (+XX Race, +XX Class); Grp +XX

Abilities Str 12, Dex 18, Con 16, Int 21, Wis 26, Cha 19

edit Common Misconceptions

- Retrosexuals are cool. (friends don't let friends metrosexual)

- Retrosexuals exist.

- You are reading about Retrosexuals now.

- The Tooth Fairy exists and was at one time, Retrosexual.

- The Civil War was not caused by the Retrosexual movement.

edit See Also

edit Further Reading

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