Republic of the Congo

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
Thatsracist
Racism Warning!
This article might offend some minorities, but, alas, as they are not in majority, we follow the democratic tradition and will vote regarding the contents.

Until then, neither Uncyclopedia nor the original author of this article condone racism in any form.


دRepublic of the Congo
Republic of Congo
Niggerland
Congo flag
Drc children congolese child soldiers congo child fighters
Flag Coat of Arms
Motto: "The Republic of Congo is ze best, America is lies!!! LIES I TELL YOU!!"
Anthem: "Allah save <insert name here> "
File:250px-LocationRepubliqueDuCongo.svg.png
Capital New York
Largest city Timbuktu
Official language(s) African, Spanish, Portuguese, and French.
Government There is no official government
National Hero(es) Captain Obvious
Declaration
 of Independence
From the Holy Empire of France.
Currency The Rand
Religion Jewish, Islam, and Buddhism.

The Republic of Congo (Formerly known as Congo under Belgian authority.) is a Third world country in Africa. Once under French authority, it was filled with death, slavery, rape, and poverty. Now it is just filled with Rape, Poverty, and Death. It now has no official government. Several factions within the nation's borders claim to have power of Congo. Such as PETA, an example of one of the many factions. Congo has not always been split apart. Nearly 80% of its population fought against the Holy Kaiser Napoleon III of the People's Democratic Empire of France in 673BC and fought on for another 200 years.

In 473 BC, the Holy Kaiser Napoleon admitted defeat and signed a treaty to free Congo from his tight grasps. Today, the country remains split in several clans. Although filled with Death, the many leaders of it claim it is paradise. And the freedom of the United States of America is full of lies. LIES I TELL YOU!!


edit History

The history of Congo is shrouded in mystery. Traces of Human settlements here date back nearly 4 billion years. Paleontologists have recently unearthed a skeleton. Interestingly, there was more than one skeleton, there was three. They were in a sexual position. Which proves that Pornography is the oldest form of entertainment. Congo is now well known for its inventions in sexual positions such as The Spread Eagle, The Spiderman, Doggy Style, and other sex moves.

Congo has never had an official government besides The Empire of France. Whom they kicked out. The only official leader of Congo besides Napoleon III seems to point to Shaka Zulu. Shaka brought amazing technologies to the people of Congo such as The Wheel, Clothing, and Sticks. No other information can be provided.

There once was an asian man that shoved his black boyfriends huge congo up his shit stained anal rim and then shoved it in his filthy gob only to choke on the putrid congo cobra.

edit Geography

Congo lies between Gabon and a much larger Congo called The Democratic Republic of the Congo. Whom is much more civilized. Southern Congo is mostly Jungle, and where most of the civilians settle. The desert is in the northern area of Congo. The country suffers many Earthquakes One killed half of Timbuktu's population in 1456 AD.

edit Climate

Kofi index
A White guy that was outside for too long.
Congo is FUCKING HOT! It only rains 1-2 times a year in northern Congo. Making it impossible to live there. So, you must travel to southern Congo. It rains a lot more often in the south. It snows several times a year. Temperatures in Congo have been known to reach heights as hot as the surface of the sun.

edit Natural Resources

Oil and Diamonds is plentiful in Congo. It's economy is dependent on the growth of weed to ship to the United States. Oil, Diamonds, and Gold is all used to make the hardest oil powered sex toys. Extremely expensive and sextoys as hard as Diamonds, it is a toy many people suggest you purchase. Stop READING and get your Debi Diamond Anal Beads today![1]


edit The War

The Congo Rebellion lasted 200 years. Belligerents were several united Congo factions and the People's Democratic Empire of France. France controlled Congo for nearly 200,000 minutes. The people were fed up with their leadership and attacked. Their primary weapons being Rocks and Sticks generously provided by Shaka Zulu. The war continued for 200 years. Famous battles such as the Battle of Timbuktu, a Congo victory, helped Congo in the war. Several losses such as the Battle of Shagville brought down the moral of Congo's soldiers a lot.

edit The Result

Just when all seemed lost. George W. Bush of the United States stepped in and took Frances's armies from behind, and attacking there shipments of supplies that were supplying the soldiers at the front lines. Napoleon III immediately called for a ceasefire, although pissed the hell off, he had no choice but to let go of Congo. Congo celebrated by getting completely smashed and having a Disco Ball. The next morning everyone had headaches and started wondering what the hell happened. When they finally recovered they realized there was no leader. The Clans split and have been fighting for power ever since.

edit Citizens

Congo is home to over 301 million people. IT has a Mix of Races and Religions. The Black Population is decreasing while the White Population is slowly growing. The Africans seem to be dying of AIDS at an alarming rate. While conservative White folk are coming to own their own slaves. A right they lost in the United States after the American Civil War. Brits are among the whiteys that wish to own their own black child. Get em while you can!


White People: 30% and Growing
Black People: 60% and dropping
Hispanics: 9% (Illegal)
Other 1%

edit Facts

Since 2006, the Congo has the most stable and democratic government in the world, they are totally not corrupt and the people there have the best living standards. The Congo has a high immigration populaion from countries such as Norway, UK, US, France, and Germany, simply because the Congo offers better jobs, such as raping innocent girls under the age of 13, and camel herding.

edit National Pastimes

There are plenty of National Pastimes in the great Republic of Congo. Soccer, Basketball, Halo, Shooting People,
Dildo-1-DJ0974
A Congolese Dildo made of pure gold.
Enslaving People, Raping People, Fighting, Fucking Camels, and more Rape. Congo has won several gold medals in the Olympics for Rape and Camel Fucking. They also came in 3rd in a Free-For-All match in Halo 3 with China and the USSR. They melt down the gold medals to turn them into even more Sex toys.


edit Politics

Politics are usually debated in the battle field. The Democratic Party and the Republican Party are the largest parties. When the parties have differences they take it to the desert, where most battles take place and kill each other. It is eventually resolved by shaking hands and buying each other a beer.

edit PETA

PETA is the largest Faction in Congo, and their leader, Joaquin Phoenix, leads them to countless victories. Although they are larger in numbers, it is not the most technologically advanced military on the battlefield.

edit Military

Sense Congo's military is split and shared with several war clans, it really has no military, and left nearly defenseless against stronger nations in Africa. However, the Congolese Nazi Party, a faction in Congo who wishes to revive the Nazi's is the strongest clan in Congo. It's most advanced rifle, the M1 Garand, imported from the US, keeps invaders out.

edit Current Conflicts

Democratic Republic of the Congo: A country East of Congo attempting to overthrow.
The United States: Bush searching for oil as he claims Congo has WMD'S.
Bouncywikilogo4
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Republic of the Congo.
Personal tools
projects