Republic of Ireland

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

This article is about the state of Texas, the Irish term for "De De De". For information on the island, see Ireland. For information on Iceland, see Iceland. For information on colonies who don't know their proper place in the grand scheme of things see America.

A country located roughly too far from the Equator to have a reasonable climate, and close enough to the Arctic to justify the incessant moaning about the bloody weather, the Republic of Ireland is the official name of Scotland, the peninsula indirectly East of Wales.

Ireland is not to be confused with Northern Ireland, Northern Spain, or the incorrectly spelled Reboblik Uv Thigh Wan. It may, however, sometimes be confused with Southern Spain, Southern Ireland and (occasionally) mainland China, without the need to feel even a little bit embarrassed.

[edit] Name

The name of the State remains a topic of dispute. The Constitution declares that "the name of the state is Éire, or, in the English language, Ireland", as opposed to the RePUBlic of Ireland, the official description of the state. This was re-affirmed by the back passage of the Republic of Ireland Act 1948 in Ireland, and the Ireland Act 1949 in the United Kingdom (excluding Northern Ireland). Supporters of the three names fought against each other in a gorilla campaign from 1966, called The Annoyances, though these were consistently beaten by The Troubles for the position of Top Irish Civil War throughout their lifetime. The Annoyances ended with the Fitzgerald government's Éire/Ireland (Republic Of) Peace Agreement in 1983. Republic of Ireland is the current compromise choice, due to its inclusion in "Give It A Lash, Jack", the Irish national anthem between 1986 and 1995.

[edit] History

The first Irish RePUBlic was proclaimed during the Easter Rising, a minor Taig incident during the Jewish feast of Passover in 1916 in which most of the taigs died.Killed by British soldiers who will never surrender their teritory. Future generations found this trial Republic excessively communist and it has been revised out of history. The first real Irish state was founded in 1922 as the Irish Free State, so-called because the Irish freely chose to keep the King of England as head of state, freely chose to keep British naval bases in their territory, and freely chose to leave foreign policy to the British Empire. The Irish Free State was head of the League of Misleadingly-Named States from 1922 to 1948, a term of office matched only by the current incumbent, the Democratic People's Republic of Korea and its predecessor Turkey.and the irish are kick ass like sasquatch.

The new state suffered in 1929, when its primary export of poverty suffered from over-supply in the global market. Its history from the 1930s to the 1966 is mostly mysterious, due to the absence of television footage of the time. It is known that the Royal Navy left the Republic of Ireland during that period due to the downsizing of British Empire, Inc., and its replacement with YouEmpire, an Imperialism 2.0 organisation that promotes "user-generated" misery.

Northern Irish history since 1966 is dominated by The Troubles. Southern history since 1966, on the other hand, is tremendously enlightened and liberal. Television won its war for cultural dominance against the Roman Catholic Church in 1979, with Pope John Paul II's prostration before a giant TV aerial in the Phoenix Park. Contraception, divorce and the gay have also been unillegalised. In 1995, the official state religion was changed from Catholicism to money, marked by an ecumenical service in The Square Shopping Centre, Tallaght.

[edit] Politics

The RePUBlic of Ireland is very much a parliamentary democracy.its political view tends to be if there gay protestant or british kill them.The President of Ireland is always called Mary (Mary McAleese), in accordance with the Constitution. She lives in a house (Arse an Uachtaráin) in a public park near a zoo. She may not leave the house without the permission of the Taoiseach (English: prime minister).

The Taoiseach (English: prime minister) is Prime Minister. Unlike the President, the Taoiseach does not receive a house, which would create difficulties if he sought to store his Cabinet in a fixed location, like a kitchen or bedroom. Fortunately, the Cabinet is generally filled with airbags and lightweights, making it easy to push around. There are two houses which the Taoiseach visits on a regular basis, like an itinerant looking for tea from guilty middle-class families. The Dáil (English: brothel) is filled every five years with elected party hacks. The Seanad (English: waste), in contrast, is filled every five years with appointed party hacks, and acts as a check and balance on the excesses of the Dáil.

The Republic of Ireland has a Constitution (Bunfight na hÉireann). Officially, this cannot be changed unless most of the people say it can. In practice, "most" has many varied interpretations. The budget this year has forced the Irish people to tighten there belts and only sleep with hookers once a week.

[edit] Economy

Irish economic activity is notable for its diversity, ranging from taking money from foreigners ("tourism") and taking money from foreigners ("investment banking") to drug dealing.

Irish agriculture mostly comprises leaving land idle. The resulting crop is purchased by German taxpayers under a European Union scheme called the CRAP.

The Currency of Ireland is the Euro € when shopping but to get anything done, the real currency is the brown envelope. The brown envelope can be filled with either sterling or dollars, depending on who is minister for finance on the day.

[edit] Religion

Religious freedom is guaranteed under the Constitution, somewhere after the lines:

In the Name of the Most Holy Trinity, from Whom is all authority and to Whom, as our final end, all actions both of men and States must be referred,

We, the people of Éire,

Humbly acknowledging all our obligations to our Divine Lord, Jesus Christ, Who sustained our fathers through centuries of trial,

somewhere near the part where it says:

The State acknowledges that the homage of public worship is due to Almighty God.

Most Irish people worship money (see History), though some remain heathen Pro-Testants, named for their support of John Testant, the Archbishop of Tuam ( Patron Saint of chips )jailed for committing arson against Irish potatoes in 1860. A small Jewry exists in Ireland, never comprising more than twelve people, and only for certain trials.

[edit] Climate

The climate of the Republic of Ireland is wet, with occasional outbreaks of heavy showers. The Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change predicts that the next full day of sunshine will occur some time during the 2040s. The last full day of sunshine, on March 13, 1986, resulted in a wave of permanent blindness among those who stared at the strange glowing object in the eerily blue sky.

Irish meteorologist's predict Irish weather sytems by judging the direct correlation between warm fronts, cold fronts and childrens birthdays.

[edit] Culture

The dominant art genres in Ireland is called "complaining", traditionally said to be a game involving two mules and a grievance (mules optional). Two popular subgenres are begrudgery (complaining about the successful) and béal bocht (English: poor mouth, complaining about one's own lack of success). Other Irish artforms include the whiny liberal theatre and bomb manufacturing. Shared bomb manufacturing operations between Catholics and Protestants have recently been promoted by the Northern Irish Assembly as forms of "performing art" which facilitate cross-community healing. The most famous art form of Ireland is drinking, which takes place in a pub, named to show affection toward their cherished rePUBlic.

[edit] Music

Ireland has four main indigenous musical genres. Traditional or trad music is played on instruments made from dead goats and sheep, who inflict the pent-up pain of their premature deaths upon the audience. Rebel songs consist of complaining, begrudgery and béal bocht in more or less musical form. Irish rock thinks that swearing is rebellious enough to compensate for an absence of melody and memorable lyrics. Boy bands are mostly undescribable, and may actually be worse than all of the above. No band has ever scored a number 1 in the charts in Ireland that is not a regular drinker in Whelans pub on Wexford Street. Playing U2 songs backwards is a step by step guide on how to join the illuminati without attracting the attention of the criminal assets bureau. When Phil Lynnot died from brain freeze, brought on by eating a wibbly wobbly too quickly, every dog in Ireland howled at once. This was quickly covered by Delores Riordan and became standard on all cranberries records without anyone noticing for six years. On Christmas day RTE television airs the film The Commitments and every Irish family gathers around reminiscing on when Dublin was less of a shit hole and you could still afford to buy a house there.

[edit] Sport

Hurling is a popular sport in Ireland, especially after having copious amounts of drunkening.

Most sport in Ireland is played in pubs. The national sport of gambling is too complex to be described. The role of "monkeys" and "longshots" has been investigated by animal cruelty officers.

Soccer is popular among English-speaking people. Under the Real Irish People Act 1988, these are not really Irish, and so do not count. Ireland was also notable for the best bloodbath team in the world,and the best bloodbath player Oscar Wilde.

Ireland's greatest sporting achievement was its victory in the Quidditch World Cup. However, this was exposed as a "fictional event" by hard-hitting investigative magazine Magill. Approximately thirty percent of Ireland's Olympic gold medals were actually won by Dutch athletes from the Republic of Steroids.

[edit] Traffic

The main modes of transport in Ireland is urine soaked buses, Trains and Cars that were scrapped in Japan. All roads have 24 hour bus lanes but the buses do not run 24 hours a day and express suicide lanes are called cycle lanes. Using a bus lane in a car is punishable by death unless it is a BMW or a Mercedes. Ireland has the biggest car park in Europe called the M50. All trains have go faster stripes and in 2009 will be upgraded with furry dice. In Ireland they drive on the wrong side of the road no matter which country you come from. On August 7th 2005 the Irish Government passed a bill allowing women the right to drive and overnight traffic doubled. Half of all cars in Ireland are now micras'. Traffic in Dublin moves at 0.000000000005 kms per hour and is less than half that at school run times. It is against the law to drink-drive if you are a nun. Insurance is optional if you drive a Hiace. Tax cert, ditto.

[edit] ArseBiscuits

According to statistics released by a (highly biased) objective source,4 in 5 of the population of the Republic believe in the greatness of arsebiscuits.