Portal:Religion

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Welcome to Uncyclopedia's Religion portal.

By far the holiest portal you will ever find.



Religion is the act of worshipping a creed or deity in which one has mistakenly attributed supernatural powers. 'True Believers' are also known as schizophrenic or having a neurological disorder in scientific, medical, or sane circles. It was invented by tribal leaders at least 2 million years ago in order to control and financially exploit the citizenry and in the Western proper World was still going strong until the separation of Church and State. In the 3rd or improper World it's business as usual. Typically god is portrayed as a giant bearded man in the sky that flies around granting wishes, but there are some variations.

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Seven Deadly Sins

Happysatan
“One! Two! Three! Four! Five! Six! Seven! Seven Deadly Sins! Ha ha ha ha! (Thunder!) ”
~ Count Dracula on Seven Sins
“I didn't do that”
~ Kevin Spacey in Se7en

The Seven Deadly Sins, also known as the Capital Vices (Not to be confused with the word VICE) or Cardinal Sins (Not to be confused with the high-ranking catholic priest who molested your little brother), is a classification of the most objectionable vices (Not to be confused with the device for your toothpaste) which has been used since early Christian times to educate and instruct followers concerning (morality) fallen man's tendency to sin.

The Catholic Church divided sin into two principal categories: (1) "whatever", which are relatively minor, and no one cares about, and the more severe "Capital" or Mortal sins (Not to be confused with Mortal Kombat). Mortal sins destroyed the life of grace (You bastards! I LOVE her! You killed my imaginary girlfriend, you shitholes!), and created the threat of eternal damnation unless either absolved through the sacrament of Confession, or forgiven through perfect something something something on the part of the penitent, something something bla bla bla bla, yadda yadda.

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The epic MacGyver Manuver
If McGuyver were a Messiah, this move would convince all infidels of his holy power to kick ass.


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It's the smart way to get out.

~ Oscar Wilde on Jehovah witness protection program
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