Portal:Religion

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Welcome to Uncyclopedia's Religion portal.

By far the holiest portal you will ever find.



Religion is the act of worshipping a creed or deity in which one has mistakenly attributed supernatural powers. 'True Believers' are also known as schizophrenic or having a neurological disorder in scientific, medical, or sane circles. It was invented by tribal leaders at least 2 million years ago in order to control and financially exploit the citizenry and in the Western proper World was still going strong until the separation of Church and State. In the 3rd or improper World it's business as usual. Typically god is portrayed as a giant bearded man in the sky that flies around granting wishes, but there are some variations.

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Bar Mitzvah

BarMitzvah

A Bar Mitzvah is an Aramaic term referring to a paternalistic Jewish religious ceremony dating back to ancient times. The purpose of the ceremony was not known until recently, when it was discovered Bar Mitzvahs were a way to exclude others in the community by pretending you knew something they didn't. Under the guise of "becoming a man," the 13-year-old Bar Mitzvah boy -- aka BM Boy -- would see how long he could make up gibberish words. This is because the only source of entertainment is watching the BM Boy blush while his voice cracks.

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The epic MacGyver Manuver
If McGuyver were a Messiah, this move would convince all infidels of his holy power to kick ass.


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YARRR! Avast ye maties, thar be our messiah!

~ Any pirate on Captain Jesus.
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