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Welcome to Uncyclopedia's Religion portal.

By far the holiest portal you will ever find.

Religion is the act of worshipping a creed or deity in which one has mistakenly attributed supernatural powers. 'True Believers' are also known as schizophrenic or having a neurological disorder in scientific, medical, or sane circles. It was invented by tribal leaders at least 2 million years ago in order to control and financially exploit the citizenry and in the Western proper World was still going strong until the separation of Church and State. In the 3rd or improper World it's business as usual. Typically god is portrayed as a giant bearded man in the sky that flies around granting wishes, but there are some variations.


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Walpurgis Night


Semantic shifts? I'll shift you, you tosser!

~ Roger Moore (former James Bond) explaining the Walpurgis Night to a fellow attendee

The oft mentioned and generally popular quasi religious festival, Walpurgis Night is a cult descended from a German Witch ceremony celebrating summer on May 1. Rumours of a bi-annual event are in the offing with the recent New Age acquisition of several English towns.[1]

Initially religious significance was ascribed to the festival along with occult leanings; however the movement has survived several eras through sponsorship right up to the present day. Universality of many areas has been present though all the changes including a Bonfire and there is a refusal to acknowledge the celebration prior to the advent of the Gregorian calendar.

Corporate concerns are the chief purpose of the celebration today and it has been reported that several media conglomerates are planning a takeover. Tom Cruise has also announced that the Church of Scientology would like to purchase the copyrights for the event.


  1. Including Royston Vasey.


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Jesus on raptor
There is some confusion as to whether Jesus actually rode a raptor, or had a pack of attack raptors.

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It's only a comedy because people get submerged in dung.

~ Dante on The Divine Comedy

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