Portal:Religion

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Welcome to Uncyclopedia's Religion portal.

By far the holiest portal you will ever find.



Religion is the act of worshipping a creed or deity in which one has mistakenly attributed supernatural powers. 'True Believers' are also known as schizophrenic or having a neurological disorder in scientific, medical, or sane circles. It was invented by tribal leaders at least 2 million years ago in order to control and financially exploit the citizenry and in the Western proper World was still going strong until the separation of Church and State. In the 3rd or improper World it's business as usual. Typically god is portrayed as a giant bearded man in the sky that flies around granting wishes, but there are some variations.

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Westboro Baptist Church

The Westboro Baptist Church is a cult of a bunch of hypocritical bashing pig monsters and is the lone bastion of reason and morality in a world gone mad. They are in the response of a rejected acceptance to the KKK, who believed the church to be less gay than they are. Logically, it is located in Fageka, Fagsas, home to intelligent design and the rock super-group of the same name. The Church, which is rumored to have in excess of twelve members and to be growing by no less than none every year, is headed by misunderstood idiot-savant and knight-errant of goodness Fag Phelps, attorney-at-law, who originally turned in an application to join the KKK community college in San Francisco, but was rejected in favor that he was not white washed enough and had written on the line that said "PLEASE DO NOT WRITE HERE; OTHERWISE YOU ARE TOO STRAIGHT".

Under Phelps' utterly creative, sometimes incendiary and always visionary leadership, the Westboro Baptist Fag Church has successfully drawn the ire of pretty much everyone in the world. It has achieved this well-thought-out and beneficial aim by rejoicing at natural disasters, the spread of disease and other afflictions on humankind that are generally regarded by the rest of the world as a time for compassion and mourning.

Ironically, due to its obsession with celebrating misery (particularly with signs such as "GOD HATES YOU" and "AMERICA IS DOOMED"), the Church has itself in recent years invited what it considers unwelcome attention to its activities, including vicious beatings of its members, intermittent showerings of its compound with pig feces, and yet more vicious beatings of its members.

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Jesu rifle
Jesus survived 40 days in the desert, thanks to his trusty automatic weapon.


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You also agree that you will not use these products for any purposes prohibited by United States law, including, without limitation, the development, design, manufacture or production of missiles, or nuclear, chemical or biological weapons.

~ Apple iTunes EULA Part 10 on stupid policies (Don't believe me? Google it!}}
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