Portal:Religion

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Welcome to Uncyclopedia's Religion portal.

By far the holiest portal you will ever find.



Religion is the act of worshipping a creed or deity in which one has mistakenly attributed supernatural powers. 'True Believers' are also known as schizophrenic or having a neurological disorder in scientific, medical, or sane circles. It was invented by tribal leaders at least 2 million years ago in order to control and financially exploit the citizenry and in the Western proper World was still going strong until the separation of Church and State. In the 3rd or improper World it's business as usual. Typically god is portrayed as a giant bearded man in the sky that flies around granting wishes, but there are some variations.

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Drugs

Big-lebowski-2

Drugs are gifts from God to bestow the feeling of ambrosia on mere mortals. Not only are Jesus's Necessary Accessories, as He would have liked to call them, extremely cool, but they are multifunctional as well. Drugs have the unique and beneficent properties of:

  • Making a person feel happy
  • Making him simultaneously cool
  • Making everyone else uncool until they start using drugs too.

edit Drugs throughout history

Drugs have a long and fruitful history full of magic, fancy, significance, and extremely likely exaggeration. Drug use dates back to the twentieth century B.C., where the Ancient Sumerians discovered and cultivated the drug opium. Opium served the useful purpose of keeping the Sumerian civilization occupied and satisfied when the grain crop was insufficient. A crisis occurred when the opium crop failed, but this was solved with the cultivation of codeine some two hundred years later.

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Themessiah
The Messiah, according to Courtnology. Unlike prophecies, this is based in fact.


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That was Zen, this is Tao.

~ Lao Tzu on The Hydrogen bomb.
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