Portal:Religion

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Welcome to Uncyclopedia's Religion portal.

By far the holiest portal you will ever find.



Religion is the act of worshipping a creed or deity in which one has mistakenly attributed supernatural powers. 'True Believers' are also known as schizophrenic or having a neurological disorder in scientific, medical, or sane circles. It was invented by tribal leaders at least 2 million years ago in order to control and financially exploit the citizenry and in the Western proper World was still going strong until the separation of Church and State. In the 3rd or improper World it's business as usual. Typically god is portrayed as a giant bearded dragon in the sky that flies around granting wishes, and invoking his wrath. But there are other variations.

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Paradise Inc.

Paradiddle01
“Kneeling, in silent prayer, I was taken by the Lord”
~ Noel Coward on Paradise

Paradise Inc., the conglomorate in which all the major Deities have employment (except me), is a company dedicated to (according to their Mission Statement) "a Wholesome, Godly alternative to the depression, misery, ignorance, hatred, sickness, death, and terrible odor human beings, our prized clients, encounter in their everyday lives."

As a responce to this blatant false advertising, Paradise is being sued by The Dark side has Cookies Enterprises for deceiving the masses (need we go on?).

Describing themselves as a "a firm for the nihilism-averse", Paradise Inc. is in the business of "providing useful Mythical stories to assuage Humanity's universal existential anguish."

Paradise Inc.'s motto is "Paradise; for a price"

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RaptorJessusGlue
The Messiah, goes to Heaven for three days, to let his Father borrow His glue gun.


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It's the smart way to get out.

~ Oscar Wilde on Jehovah witness protection program
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