Religion Class Teacher

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“I'd smack that.”
~ P. Diddy on Religion teachers
"When I was a young girl in the Bronx..."
Religion Class Teacher
Species Homo sapiens religious
Classification Human . . . almost.
Position Teacher
Motive To instigate a firm belief in God amongst poor, defenseless children
Weapon Rosary beads and detentions
Super Powers They have been known to kill with a single glance
Attribute Holiness
Level .001
ATK 12,000,000
DEF -340
Type Wrinkly

Religion Class Teacher (genus name Homo sapiens religious) is a rare species of human, usually only found in Catholic girls' schools and altar boy changing rooms. These unusual mammals have been deemed as dangerous to humans by Dr. Kyle Finnegan.


In the year 1069 AD, Pope Urban II sent out search parties throughout Europe to find the most unqualified village idiots. Several dozen such drunks turned up in Vatican City for interviews with the Pope. They stayed in a local bar, where, while Pope Urban II interviewed them, several braggarts initiated a fight. This brawl went down in history as the Hundred Beers' War.[1]

Finally, several upright young men were selected by His Holiness for the all-important job of educating the young about Catholicism and God. These men were commissioned at several noteworthy academies, such as Oxford, University of Paris, and Frankfort University of Central Kentuckistan.


As the years progressed, the Religion Class Teacher changed from a mere drunk to a pedophiliac, illiterate, racist drunk. They became more popular in church and in school. They also developed a secret pair of devil horns, in order to spear young children who revoke the Holy Spirit.

Their diet changed from a steady diet of mulled cider to include McDonald's and Jerry Falwell propaganda. This, according to Darwin's theory of "survival of the fittest," probably occurred to widen the prey options. [2]


These radical Religion Class Teachers would be lynched if caught attending this church!

Due to a mutation in the funny gene, some Religion Class Teachers even became liberal. These radicals were often ostracized and reviled by the norm, and went off to found their own church, Protestantism. To this day, conventional Religion Class Teachers are convinced that Protestand Religion Class teachers are the spawn of Satan.

Religion Class Teachers Today

In this day and age, Religion Class Teachers are a dying breed. Some are still found in Catholic schools and altar boy changing rooms, but they have lost their fervor. They live in a dangerous age, and need to be supported as much as possible. As long as our Religion Class Teachers remain holy, our civilization will be well.

To support you local religion teacher, go to this link.

Remember, they may be paedophiles but they love your children.

See Also


  1. This was eventually malapropized by those damned drunks as the Hundred Years' War.
  2. Wiccans became a popular menu item among Religion Class Teachers.
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