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Welcome to Uncyclopedia's Religion portal.

By far the holiest portal you will ever find.

Religion is the act of worshipping a creed or deity in which one has mistakenly attributed supernatural powers. 'True Believers' are also known as schizophrenic or having a neurological disorder in scientific, medical, or sane circles. It was invented by tribal leaders at least 2 million years ago in order to control and financially exploit the citizenry and in the Western proper World was still going strong until the separation of Church and State. In the 3rd or improper World it's business as usual. Typically god is portrayed as a giant bearded dragon in the sky that flies around granting wishes, and invoking his wrath. But there are other variations.


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Ark of the Covenant


The Ark of the Covenant is a moderate sized piece of Acacia wood furniture, referred to in the Bible. It's basically a large, ornate storage box which employed the use of two poles in order to carry it - allowing the Israelites to haul Moses, Aaron and God's stuff wherever they wandered. Chariots had been invented by 3000 BC, so it's kind of silly that a couple of wheels weren't employed in its design. After being chased out of Egypt by chariots filled with Pharaoh's bill collectors, the Israelites had no excuse for not employing the invention of the wheel but experts believe it was just another example of God wanting things done the hard way - as usual. The Ark's construction was commissioned by God and the winning bid was received from Moses & Sons, Makers of Fine Furniture®. After its manufacture, God communicated exclusively with Moses through the speakerphone on the Ark's cover.



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~ Bruce Campbell on Necronomicon Ex Mortis.

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