The Red Potato is a small ovular shaped vegetable that lives in the ground and feeds off earth worms. Large quantities of these brash potatoes die every year because of global warming. They live in packs under ground and will only come up to the surface if they sense the presence of the sun or political folly. They are readily prone to diseases such as Hep B, Chicken Pox, and cancer. The Red Potato holds yearly conferences in the cities of Calcutta and Port Algonquin Concerning Marital Issues. Although they are seen as harmless creatures, the Red Potato actually holds close ties to death star commander Darth Vader and his comedic side kick Dr. Evil. Rumours that Red Potatoes have Communist links are unproven, but let's be honest, we all know they're the power behind China.
The IRP (Independent Red Potato) is a group of Red Potatoes determined to excommunicate the Pope from the Catholic church. They are considered as the Red Potatoes' most official and well known organization. The IRP has involvement from such super powers as the glorious state of the United States of America, Lebanon, and the Green Party. They are currently without a leader and are actively in search of one. If you are a Potato and sport a blueish hue than candidacy is knocking at your door. Apply for the job at firstname.lastname@example.org (also MSN)
The glorious state of the United States of America has been a major supporter of the IRP (Independent Red Potato) since it landed in 1522c. The United States' beautiful consellor and chairman and President and chairman, George W. Bush, has been a strong advocate for the Red Potato since his knighting into office sometime in the 1990's. Due to his vigorous and accountable support, George W. Bush has achieved high approval ratings from the breed recently (just about the only place he's getting support from now a days). One setback that the Red Potatoes have faced in there relationship with George W. Bush is that they would fancy having a small write up in George W. Bush's article on uncyclopedia.wikia.com. One may wonder how this could possibly effect the friendship and the reason is simple, George W. Bush conveniently blocked the article from being edited and refuses to let the Red Potato present themselves on his renowned page. Although this dilema is presently upon them the Red Potatoes have shown a jolly ol' attitude and not intended a peep of dismay towards their beloved friend. Because the Red Potatoes are unable to portray themselves on George W. Bush's page, they have decided to portray him on The Red Potato page (below).
George W. Bush
- Read previous paragraph for logic on why George W. Bush matters to the Red Potato.
George W. Bush was born around 1960 in Texas, USA. His father was President while his mother churned milk in the barn. He had five kittens that never grew up and a dog related to Lance Armstrong. In his early years Bush was a nerd, but when Grade 11 came along he started basketball; sadly, he soon discovered he was not very good at it and so went back to being a nerd. By the time he was out of highschool he was becoming hopeless on career opportunities, so in turmoil he reluctantly followed his father's footsteps and he too became a President. Although George W. Bush has been publicized for many occurrences throughout his life he is probably most widely known for his up's and down's with the Red Potato. In 2007, George W. Bush created a shockwave around the world when he denied the Red Potato rights to edit his unclyclopedia.org page. The outraged Red Potatoes planned to exact revenge on him with their top secret association. After many thoughtful discussions the Red Potato soon decided to ignore their plans after they realized that Yoda is someone more important to worry about than George W. Bush and are currently as close as ever with American president.
- About three thousand red potatoes currently inhabit planet earth. - The Red Potato will name their children anything between 5 and 6 syllables, occasionally 7 is accepted.- The Red Potato was once a Whit Sunday dish in Victorian England until it was found to give the women delusions of grandeur, including a rabid need for the vote - They are mainly colored blue despite popular belief - The Red Potato does not understand language and so uses a sophisticated dance to communicate - "The Red Potatoes" was also the name of Lionel Ritchie's defunct techno group. - The Red Potato enjoys basketball and hockey religiously, even going so far as to avidly stalk Superstar Kobe Bryant and his dog Meme - The Red Potatoes regularly tune in for the BBC Radio 4 program, "I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue" - Prominent Red Potatoes, such as Ingvarilbumtwo King and Twitlipleyobob Smith have co-produced a number of important films, these include the Austin Powers Trilogy (starring Mike Myers), and The Star Wars series (Starring Yoda, Hans Solo, Mike Myers, and Jessica Alba) - Mike Myers is actually a genetically modified Red Potato, though many Red Potatoes see this as a failure in genetic modification.
- The Red Potato is famous for its sarcastic poetry
- The Red Potato has a show on MTV every Thursday that depicts hip hop through the eyes of a vegetable. The show is currently #1 on the charts. It is called "Hip Hopping Tater Tots".
- The Red Potato is allergic to lime juice
- David Beckam's father was a genetically enhanced Red Potato.
- Leif Erikson attempted to abolish the Red Potato during his visit to Canada in the 11th Centuary.
- The Red Potato is currently listed in Martha Stewarts, "Gardening for Dummy's", as an independent vegetable native to Ireland.
- Recent (as of 2006) accusations from the media claim that HumDeDumDeDo Pare (a famous Red Potato) and Kate Hudson are in a serious relationship, Goldie Hawn and Pez Hudson are reportedly unimpressed.
- The Blue Man Group (an Asian folk rock band) are actually diseased Red Potatoes. Although they lack their red spots and have fully functioning bodies, the group members are still considered to be Red Potatoes.
Rules of the Red Potato
- You may not speak unless spoken too
- You may not yell unless yelled at
- You must be of a blueish hue
- Internet poker is not wrong unless seen otherwise
- Entertainment Weekly is not suitable for baby Red Potatoes
- Tommy Hilfiger and Louis Vuitton are the only suitable attire for a Red Potato to wear.
- To take over the world in a peaceful manner
- To excommunicate the Pope
- To have the Evil Monkey be world dictator
- To pave Arkansas
- To send a Red Potato into space
- To have a flower named after them
- To make the British Isles a constant crime scene ( with the yellow tape and everything)
- To march down Washington avenue in large groves
- To create more awareness of the Red Potato Species
- To create more awareness that they are in fact blue and not red ( a typo in Websters dictionary first created the confusion when it listed them as a red vegetable with blue spots when they are really a blue vegetable with red spots, and not as is commonly believed due to any communist leanings)
- To find Queen Victoria (they are not aware she is, in fact, dead) and avenge the many Red Potatoes lost during the Victorian era.
In Demeber of 2005, the IRP and Yoda got into a serious disaggrement after the IRP allegedly accused Yoda of murdering there now deceased leader. Many critics of the accusation have stated that the IRP just needed a reason too debunk their feud with George W. Bush.
Evidence Supporting Yoda
- On the night of the murder, Yoda was supposedly battling Darth Vader in the next galaxy over.
- Several finger prints at the murder scene suggest the Pope as a suspect.
- Yoda is traditionally a good guy.
- International authorities have accused the IRP of being impulsive and so refuse to capture Yoda if they may spot him (not really evidence but none the less).
- John Cena and Arnold Swarznagger were spotted near the crime scene two hours after the violence was commited. They were reportedly in possession of four guns and a six pack.
Evidence Against Yoda
- On the night of the murder, Yoda was SUPPOSEDLY battling Darth Vader in the next galaxy over.
- The pope denied any connections to the murder.
- Yoda is traditionally a good guy.... but so was Darth Vader.
- Everyones racist against little green primites/elves (not really evidence but none the less).
- Yoda is an accomplished hate writer.