Red Man's Burden
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
How! Red Man's Burden refer'em to modern-day situation in which we Indians must deal with white and Asian problem gamblers who come into our casinos on our Reservation land. Gamblers often be'em alcoholics or drug addicts who require special attention and treatment. Make Great Spirit very sad.
Worse, laws backed by white-demon lobbyists across United States impose liability on innocent gaming tribes for health, welfare, and safety of gamblers on Indian Reservations. White Man also put'em special gaming taxes on Our People who run casinos. Today, no more White Man's Burden. Today, is Red Man's Burden.
Our People make'em big money running casinos, but also cry'em many tears. Here is our story.
edit Groundwork for Indian Gaming
Our People Apache. In early 1990s, brother Big Hanging Dice and squaw Little Slot living as couple in trailer park on Indian lands in northern North Dakota. They receive'em "notice of slavery" from local county Big White Men. Couple never been'em black and never been'em slaves, so took notice to local attorneys at Doowey, Cheetham & Howe, who brought suit to challenge Indian slavery in state court. Big Hanging Dice and Little Slot lost case in state district court, and lost again on appeal in unanimous decision by devils on North Dakota Supreme Court. They then seek review in United States Supreme Court. Soaring Eagles on Supreme Court granted review, and in unanimous decision by Justice Thomas, U.S. Supreme Court say that states no have'em authority to enslave Indians on Indian reservations. High Court also say'em states lack authority to regulate Indian activities by Indians on Indian reservations. As Gaming Law Professor Judge Dredd explain, stage set for Indian gaming.
edit Indian Gaming Booms
Our people soon learn of pent-up demand for gambling in the USA, especially among drunk, white-trash white people and Asians. Within few short years, we Indians and our tribes begin operate "Freddie Mercury's Mustache" poker rooms in many places around United States.
Then big problem come. Whites and Asians quickly fill casinos and get drunk on "fire water," gambling away their mortgage money, college tuition, and life's savings. Our tribes make'em billions of dollars but destroy'em millions of ordinary American lives. We think we have'em our revenge on White Man free and clear, but we wrong.
edit Congress Imposes the "Red Man's Burden" with the Indian Gaming Regulatory Act
In 1994 devils in Congress pass'em Indian Gaming Regulatory Act ("IGRA") forcing Our People to sign Tribal-State compacts and giving federal government power to regulate gaming. Big White Men from States use'em compacts to take'em Indian casino revenue using "special" tax on Indian reservations. Worse, National Indian Gaming Committee ("NIGC") hold power over Indian gaming. This include'em budget approval, civil fines, fees, subpoenas, and permanent orders. NIGC monitor gaming on our Indian lands on a continuing basis through inspection, investigation, access to records, and contracts. Geronimo, he no stand for this, but he dead. So Our People stuck.
edit Impact on White and Asian Populations
Sadly, many problems come for Red Man with gambling. This called "problem gambling." Is urge to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or desire to stop. Problem gambling characterized by many difficulties in limiting money and/or time spent on gambling which lead'em to adverse consequences for gambler, others, or for community.
This cause great problem for Apache gaming. Many gamblers come to casino be'em White Trash and Drunk Asians. They swear at Indian dealers and projectile vomit on Black Jack tables. They drop'em their pants in card halls and have sex with other gamblers like dogs in heat. And White Devil Congress say'em all our fault. Impose'em big fines on us. Make us fund'em problem gambling programs in cities nearby our Reservations, and make us fund'em "Problem Gambling Awareness" billboards. We now spend'em millions of dollars on programs, and still have to clean'em vomit off our gaming tables.
Still, too much money coming in to shut'em down casinos. Chiefs make'em money hand over fist and regular Indians make'em big money too. Indian gaming no stop anytime soon. But Our People have to keep'em giving fire water to drunk Asians and Whites and watch'em take'em crap on craps tables. Oh, Great Spirit, where have you gone?
edit See also