Red Hot Chili Peppers

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

Jump to: navigation, search
      Whoops! Maybe you were looking for California?
From right to left: Sick Pepper, Dr. Pepper and Mr. Bungle.

The Red Hot Chili Peppers are a band of middle aged Los Angeles Lakers fans who are apparently admired by unfunny comedian and subhuman golem Chris Rock. They are most famous and recognizable for writing songs about sex, California and, occasionally, having sex in California who were around for just as long but only made it to '98. Way to go asshole. They formed around 1915, due to a crisis many refer to as World War I, which didn't entirely exist, but was only a fictitious reason for people to shoot other people. At that time, many countries were poor, so they had to send alternatives to humans into battles, such as animals. Luckily, the Red Hot Chili Peppers prevented many coyotes from being killed, by convincing those that were against them that they would be "true men" if they don't shoot them. After they saw this sucess, Anthony Kiedis, frontman and all of Slipknot, said that they Can't Stop, and therefore we have been listening to middle-aged men even long after the war was finished. Because of these retards (points at Anthony) they helped destroying one of the best bands ever. Because of these cunts not everyone has heard of Mr. Bungle which they all should know!

FUCK ME HARD BONER ERECT!

In 1999, John finally blowjobbed, to quit his addiction to making bad records, and screeching like a cock. This prompted him to call the Chili Peppers, and see if they could manage to put him back in. Once they heard this, the RHCP promptly put Dave Navaro up for adoption. With years of frustration built up, the Chilis had a new mission: take everything that was wrong with the world and kick it in the testicles. They vowed to never again let the world enter such a lowly state.

Unfortunately the Chilis let an asshole known as Chris Rock direct their latest video turning it into something that is largely appreciated by Chavs and other aliens. Their best album is Floridafornication. The bass player Flea has never once worn a shirt in his entire life. (Except for a skeleton suit) They will blow your motherfucking mind and eat your biscuits. John has also noted in a recent interview with Eggnog magazine that he consitently dined on egg yolk during his exile and licked up egg all day long as well as creating his own breed of deviled eggs which he cared for and then released into the wild whilst writing a whole album for his lost wanderer's in the mean time. The magazing rated him as #17 on the list of 50 greatest egg consumers of all time.

Contents

[edit] The Chosen Re-appear

In true Uncyclopedia fashion we'll now contradict the facts we stated above:

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Red Hot Chili Peppers.

On The Day After Tomorrow, one of "The Chosen Ones" (And some of his Finest and his Blondest friends) told us of the strange happenings on his magical trip. When asked what he saw he responded "Beans, lots of beans, lots of beans, lots of beans, yeah yeah!".

He then went on to say after squeezing the warm Pissgold from their clothes, bottling and hastily selling on eBay they were were given tattooed Nunchucks and commanded to "Suck My Kiss", after this they were trained in shopkeeping in which they had to "Give it Away".

After this they were taken "Around the World" in an "Aeroplane" made of "Porcelain" , on arriving on the "Otherside" of a "Warped" and slightly "Parallel Universe" , they sat "Under the Bridge", whilst sitting, on a "Rolling Sly Stone" next to a "Slow Cheetah", until Anthony Kiedis exclaimed "I "Can't Stop" thinking about how much "Catholic School Girls Rule" because they look like "Grand Pappy Du Plenty"." and Flea replied "They have great "Hump de Bump"s!"

The main Chosen One held his "Black Cross" and decided their "Fortune Faded". They contacted the trainer "Dr. Funkenstein" and said ""My lovely man" if you want "Me and My Friends" to stay you must offer us "Brandy" and "This Velvet Glove" "By the Way", if you could tell us why we were "Naked in the rain" and commanded to "Get on top" we would be much obliged.

The trainer declined, though he "Could Have Lied", so the Spectacular and Wonderful Chili's followed the "Uplift Mofo Party Plan". This sparked fury in the Chosen and they decided to re-appear in the world, as if by "Blood Sugar Sex Magik".

Upon this they created their own tribute band "HOT DOGS ROASTED ON MY NUT SACK" or (H.D.R.O.M.N.) and were never seen again...

Recently, the Red Hot Chili Peppers have made an obvious return because every other song you hear on the radio today is (Snow)Hey Oh.

[edit] Hiatus

After touring around the world, feeding Africa, and saving the world from Hillary Clinton, the band is currently under hiatus and will take a rest from making "music". Meanwhile each member will take time off to spend with their families.... except John. He's going to release more solo albums including "40 Minutes of Moaning" and "Weird Noises That I Made in the Bathroom". Flea is also rumoured to have agreed to reprise his role as gollum in the upcomming film the hobbit. Anthony is reported to once again be "addicted to the shindig"

[edit] Albums

A few albums were made other than their breakthrough album, Plasma Cocaine Orgasm Disappearance.

The Unknown Self-Titled Album

The Red Hot Chili Peppers were at this state very young, tattoo-free and just off their 80th speedball, so they decided to record an album. After a long session in Anthony Kiedis' Mom's closet, they came out of the closet, but not figuratively. Only literally. The Unknown Self-Titled Album came out to very little recognition.

  1. Men will Shoot What They Can Find in the Woods andfuck it up the ass, then eat it and burn it and feed its ashes to sharks with small dicks.
  2. I Like This Baby
  3. Saddle Up to the Horse
  4. Get in the Air
  5. Why Can't I Fuck You
  6. Blue Hell
  7. Daddy, Why is There White Stuff All Over Mommy and Why Are You Holding a Penis?
  8. In Compton
  9. P.I. Car
  10. Stop Talking and Go the Hell Away
  11. Grand Theft Auto du Bullshit
  12. my dad does lots of drugs and i do too!
  13. I Fell Asleep And Woke Up With This Shit On My Face

Creepy Wile E. Coyote

Creepy Wile E. Coyote was when the Red Hot Chili Peppers began learning how to play California-based Polka/Funk. At the time of mastering this record, it was decided that all of Hillel's accordion solos are to be cut out, and Anthony's Lederhosen were to be kept off the album cover. Esentially, it was stripped of its powerful polka essence, and made into a solely Funk album.

  1. Tortur ME!
  2. Holly Wood, My Next Door Neighbour
  3. Uzbekistani Gypsy Curse Movement
  4. When You Throw My Things Out the Window
  5. Nirvana's Album
  6. What Does the Album Title Say?
  7. Brown-eyed Redhead
  8. 2brothers1cup
  9. love bites
  10. Fuckin' and Punchin' my dog all night
  11. Song that Inspired Alexisonfire in Later Years
  12. The Orgasm Ballad PURPLE HAZE!
  13. A Few Ugly Girls
  14. Dr. Seuss Book
  15. Dani California


The Apartment Motherfucker Jamming Idea

Gaining recognition, the Red Hot Chili Peppers decided to throw a crazy sex-drug-stripper-driven "We Love The L.A. Lakers" Party. The invitation said "THIS IS THE APARTMENT MOTHERFUCKING JAMMING IDEA BY THE RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS", leading confused store-owners who were invited to believe that it's the new album. They placed this invitation in a case with a CD of Easy-Listening-intensive B-Sides of the Red Hot Chili Peppers, and it was mildly well received. This party caused the tragic passing of Hillel Slovak, the guitarist, so they scooped up a random 19-year-old off the street to play guitar for them.

  1. Kill the Thug in Atlanta
  2. Groovy Felony
  3. You, Me, and the Serial Killer
  4. Forest
  5. Oscar Wilde
  6. Other Side of the Solar System and Wherever the Hell it Leads to
  7. Suburban Motion Sickness Rap
  8. Surprise Noise in the Box
  9. Any Loser Hate Fucker
  10. Runnin' from the Aliens
  11. Disgust Quadrilogy
  12. Pipe Organ Rhythmless People
  13. California

Anthony Kiedis' Mom's Breasts

Anthony Kiedis was still reeling from his "We Love the L.A. Lakers" party, which is why he wrote an entire song based on an L.A. Laker Star (Which is also the name of the 4th track). The name of the album stems from the fact that Flea was bragging about how Anthony Kiedis' Mom's Breasts were flaunted in his face, as revenge at Anthony for sleeping with his sister. Kiedis, being high on a paper bag at the time, had that phrase stuck in his head while naming their new album, and hence came about the name "Anthony Kiedis' Mom's Breasts". Once again, their album was heavily edited, with all of their non-funk tracks being removed and stored in a government vault. This edited version was sold as "Mother's Milk", although "Mother" still refers to the mother of Anthony.

  1. The Best Times With My Bandmates in Bed
  2. Lower Under the Surface
  3. The Bus to Pluto That Never Comes Back
  4. LA Laker Star
  5. You're Not as Weird as Weird Al Yankovic
  6. Beat Me Up
  7. Put Salt in My Wounds, Please
  8. Heartless President
  9. Burning Thing that Frankenstein's Monster Hates
  10. Ugly Big Titty
  11. This Will Never be Remembered
  12. Lovely Foreigner
  13. Everyone, Put a Hole in the Ozone Layer
  14. California

Plasma Cocaine Orgasm Disappearance

The 19-year-old they took in to replace Hillel was surprisingly skilled, so they named him John Frusciante, because they thought he was Italian, yet American at the same time (hence the American "John" and Italian-sounding "Frusciante"). After stealing one of David Bowie's songs, and renaming it to "Over the Golden Gate", their popularity spiked more than Hillel's heart-rate during his Overdose. Unfortunately, John decided that the band was too uncool for him, so he went to live in his mom's basement, and smoke everything within arm's reach, while holding a guitar, leading the band to once more be one guitarist short.

  1. The Power of a Cup of Tea
  2. Don't You Ever Ask That Question Ever Again Or I Will Kill You
  3. Smacking Dat Bitch
  4. Oddly Really Neat Guys From Tibet
  5. Inhale My Blow Job
  6. I Could Of Lied (But I Told You The Truth And Got My Ass Kicked)
  7. Melancholy Toy in A Flat Minor
  8. The Cool, the Uncool, and the Just Plain Horrible
  9. Free Shit!
  10. Plasma Cocaine Orgasm Disappearance
  11. Over the Golden Gate
  12. Oh Fuck My Penis Is Getting Wet
  13. Repelling Peach Osprey
  14. The 'GO THE FUCK AWAY YOU FUCKERS' Song
  15. My Lover is a Man, and I'm Proud of it
  16. Mister Crazy Fuck
  17. They're Sexy
  18. California

61 Unbearable Minutes Featuring Dave Navarro (He Makes it Unbearable)

Around 1995, the Red Hot Chili Peppers went through a phase many bands go through, known as the "Dave Navarro Phase". It has affected such artists as Deconstruction, Alanis Morissette and.... The Red Hot Chili Peppers. With Navarro came a painful lack of jamming, which produced maybe the greatest song known to all of mankind: Pea. As soon as the album was finished, Dave Navarro was put up for adoption because John Frusciante wanted back in. And he got it, damn it!

  1. Stoned
  2. Helicopter
  3. Hit My Shins
  4. Why do all our friends keep dying?
  5. Where the Cops Are
  6. String Beans
  7. The Mafia of All Mafias
  8. Run Around in My Birthday Suit Ready to Rape You
  9. I Jerk Your Tears Off
  10. 383 Seconds That I Will Not Take Anymore!
  11. Raised in Hell
  12. Hollow Be Thy Maimed
  13. Transformer
  14. California

Oregonasm

At the turn of the millenium, the Chili Peppers were "feeling it", "it" being an inescapable aura of weed. During a visit to Oregano, they got so huffed up on oregano, that they decided to name their new album after the state, as opposed to the original idea of "Californication" (Which is, of course, in homage to Ohio). After an unreal ammount of jamming (4 years!) they finally pulled together 15 tracks, and as per usual, had about 20 others cut off the album. By now the Chili Peppers have enough reject songs to make a whole double-disc album (but we'll get to that later).

  1. A Rounder World
  2. Parallel Parking
  3. Kleenex Tissues
  4. That place that's the opposite to this side
  5. Get a Mop
  6. Oregonasm
  7. Barely
  8. Good China
  9. Gnirps On
  10. I Enjoy Masturbating in the Mud
  11. Soft Felt Hand
  12. Satan sucks my balls
  13. Darn, spilled the blueberries again
  14. You're Late, Again
  15. Having Acid While Ridding In My Car
  16. California

In Case You Forget

  1. What it Says Above
  2. Speaking for a Planet or Two
  3. We're at the Wrong House, You Asshole
  4. O.D.
  5. Amnesia
  6. Song About Zippers
  7. Keep driving, motherfucker!
  8. I Will Sacrifice You So I Can Live
  9. It's Miller Time!
  10. NO! DON'T TAKE AWAY MY PRECIOUS TV!!!!!!!
  11. It Sounds Like Wine
  12. Acid in My Eyes
  13. Burning in the Sun
  14. Anthony's cock
  15. Cold CD
  16. Italy King Woman
  17. California

rhcp Auditoria Cafeteria

Remember those tracks that were cut out of all of their previous albums? This is it. After re-recording, there were enough tracks for 9 CDs, but 7 were edited out because of Flea's voice being caught on them. The reason the Chili Peppers re-recorded these songs in lieu of releasing them as they were stemmed from John's deep desire to use every effect pedal ever invented (Which would have taken another 10 CDs, was it not for him still being stuck in 1992, imagning there's less pedals than there really is).

Disc one: Saturn

  1. That Bitch That Lives In The O.C
  2. Cocainee ((Sniff Oooh))
  3. Charles Winstonsen III
  4. Auditoria Cafeteria
  5. Hump Her Bump
  6. I'm Underage and I'm Married
  7. Opposites Are Gay
  8. Bondage Is My Game
  9. Erase My Memory
  10. Whenever I'm in Vermont
  11. Dreadlocks
  12. In the Bed, Boy
  13. It Gets Stuck in My Feet and I Can't Get it Out
  14. Oi!!!
  15. California

Disc two: Pluto

  1. Masturbation Smile
  2. Touch my Baby
  3. It's Hard to Look at You When You're Hideous
  4. Jesus' Time
  5. When I'm Noticed, She Says, "EEWWW!"
  6. Ready Meal
  7. If we can't think of a title (we can just call it a random meaningless word)
  8. Give You an STD
  9. Anal Bar
  10. I Little Much
  11. Parting of the Red Sea in My Coffee Mug
  12. I Disagree With You Guys
  13. Don't Turn it Up, For All of Our Sakes
  14. I Miss My Gigantic Fucking Dog
  15. California


Best of the Chili Peppers This is a hand picked selection of songs by The Red Hot Chili Peppers. They sat around and agreed that these were by far the best songs. One unheard bonus song was added for your pleasure.

  1. California
  2. California
  3. California
  4. California
  5. California
  6. California
  7. California
  8. California
  9. California
  10. California
  11. California (the bonus song)

Also dragons?

[[Media:File:Example.ogg[[Media:File:Example.oggMedia:Example.ogg]]]] raaaaaage?

[edit] Lineup

Current Members

  • Anthony Kiedis- Vocals,crack cocaine,nipple-twisting, pubic hair sales and provider of meat and cheese
  • Flea- Bass,Triangle,Backing nipple-twisting
  • John Frusciante- Electric Banjo, girly backing vocals, hair growing- also has a godly gift for guitar playing which is really annoying
  • Chad Smith- Drums and being Godly
  • Yuuki Kamoshita Does all the guitar for the recordings but doesnt perform cuz his hair isnt long enough
  • Garett Schmidt Does all the bass work for the recordings and went back in time to do the 80's recordings. He doesnt perform live cuz he's wants to give flea a chance to pretend to play garett's awesome bass work

Past Members

[edit] See also

Retrieved from "http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Red_Hot_Chili_Peppers"
Personal tools
projects
Stillwaters chronarion.org