Red Forman

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

Jump to: navigation, search
Dumbass!

“He put his foot right up my ass once, and it hurt like a sonofabitch! I loved it!”

~ Oscar Wilde on Red Forman

“He fuck my sister up the ass with big foot!”

~ Korean Guy on Red Forman kicking his sisters ass

Red "Shut the hell up or I'll stick my foot up your ass" Forman was spawned from pure rage and hatred and no one, not even God Almighty knew the date and place of his birth.

The sight of Red Forman in all his fury is enough to send a battalion of highly trained Communist North Korean Soldiers on its knees and cry for their slanted eyed mommas for help.

Contents

[edit] History and Origin

Legend says Red Forman was a residue of the hatred of Dark Jesus after battling with Hippie Jesus. Although Dark Jesus was overwhelmed by the forces of Hippie Jesus during the 60's (because of drugs, democrats and shit), Red Forman was created as a natural response to battle the Hippies after the death of Dark Jesus.

Red Forman did not undergo birth, childhood and puberty. He materialized as the form we see today - an adult, no hair and all the fury that can scare the living crap out of stupid teenagers and hippies.

Red Forman kicked the living crap out of the hippies during the 70's, and brought the era of peace and prosperity and the birth of Metal Jesus. Though Hippie Jesus morphed into Disco Jesus to counter Metal Jesus during this era, Disco Jesus did not succeed because Red Forman declared them disco freaks as dumbasses.

[edit] Military Service

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Red Forman.

The United States government recruited Red Forman during the Korean war because Communist Jesus wanted to take over the whole of South East Asia. Red Forman answered the call of duty as mandated by Dark Jesus to eliminate all of the things that are lame and gay.

Unknown to the Allies, Communist Jesus recruited the service of the Korean Armed Forces to fight his battle for him, and they are extremely well prepared in battlefield tactics because they are playing Warcraft and Counter-Strike every hour of every day.

This caught the United States Army by surprise and the war ended in a stalemate when Red Forman landed in Inchon. Red Forman stood in the middle of the battlefield, drew a line on the ground and shouted "If any of you slant eyed dumbasses cross this line, I swear to God, I'll personally put my foot up your kimchi smelling communist asses!!!". This scared the crap out of the Koreans and agreed to a truce. The line that Red drew on the ground is now known as the 38th parallel.


[edit] Political Leanings

Red Forman is a Republican. Why? Because Democrats are all hippies and gaywads and wouldn't know when and how to defend themselves if an enemy bit them in the ass. If, during 9-11, Red were President of the U.S.A., the entire Middle East would have been levelled. The rubble would have envied the debris, and the entire Taliban and Al-Qaeda would all have a foot up their asses, because President Forman takes no shit from anybody.

But noooooo! America loves the politically-correct-let's-understand-their-cause-Richard-Gere crap Red Forman hated so much. As a result, America's ass is being kicked by the Iraqis and Al Qaeda because the majority of Americans became gay.

As of the moment, Red Forman has yet to declare all of the citizens of America to be dumbasses.

[edit] People and Things Red Forman Hates

An extremely rare photo of Red Forman smiling. He's smiling because he thinks you are a dumbass.
Stop staring at me you dumbass!

[edit] Famous Red Forman Quotes

“I hope he's not crying.”

~ Red Forman on Eric Forman

“Dumbass!”

~ Red Forman on Eric Forman

“Would you stop being a dumbass!”

~ Red Forman on Eric Forman

“Don't get smart on me dumbass!”

~ Red Forman on Eric Forman

“Don't be a wuss, dumbass!”

~ Red Forman on Eric Forman

“Happy birthday dumbass!”

~ Red Forman on Eric Forman

“What a dumbass!”

~ Red Forman on Eric Forman

“Yes, I know it's hard to hear with your head up your ass...”

~ Red Forman on Eric Forman

“Jedi Dumbass!”

~ Red Forman on Eric Forman

“Just answer the question dumbass!”

~ Red Forman on Eric Forman

“Son, you don't have bad luck. The reason bad things happen to you? is because you're a dumbass!”

~ Red Forman on Eric Forman

“You should red the book my foot wrote. It's called 'On the Road to In Your Ass'.”

~ Red Forman on Eric Forman

“I watched that kid glue his hand to his head!”

~ Red Forman on Kelso

“I'm gonna send you back to bananaland!”

~ Red Forman on Fez

“It's free!”

~ Red Forman on the cost of putting his foot up Bob's ass

“He's he's kind of, he's kind of he's an ass. And he's dumb. He's a... dumbass.”

~ Red Forman on the invention of dumbass

“You morons just hung vacancy signs on your asses, and my foot is looking for a room!”

~ Red Forman on Hyde and Fez

“If I were a younger, more flexible man... I'd shove my foot up my own ass.”

~ Red Forman on self-disipline

“I wish I had 2,000 feet, so I could put 500 of them in each of your asses!”

~ Red Forman on discovering the gang high

“Why can't anyone just let things go??”

~ Red Forman on people who don't let things go

“What with our ungrateful daughter, our lying son... actually I think it was a little better than last year.”

~ Red Forman on This year's Thanksgiving

“You know what else is hot? My foot when it's in your ass.”

~ Red Forman on Kelso telling Kitty she's hot

“Let's hope it doesn't go horribly, horribly wrong!!!!”

~ Red Forman on the prank where his foot doesn't plow through Eric's ass

“He's stupid!”

~ Red Forman on what they say about Bob

“So long, Dumbass!”

~ Red Forman on having demented fantasy at Car dealership while in Corvette


BAD MOTHERFUCKERS
Charles Bronson | Bruce Campbell | Jackie Chan | Dolemite | Shaft | Clint Eastwood | R. Lee Ermey | Dirty Harry
Samuel L. Jackson | Bruce Lee | Jet Li | Ving Rhames | Teddy Roosevelt | Tails the Straight | Chow Yun-Fat
Retrieved from "http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Red_Forman"
Personal tools
projects
Stillwaters chronarion.org